problems with the in-laws & son's riding - Page 3 - The Horse Forum
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post #21 of 42 Old 12-22-2013, 12:18 AM
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littrella, I think that it takes a lot of courage to be a guy and ride english. We had ONE boy in my Pony Club in all the years I was a member, and he got a lot of flak from a lot of people, but man could he ride. Makes me wonder how there are so many guys at the top of the sport, yet I see so few starting out. Where do they come from lol. As important as family is, it is far more important that your child is safe, happy, and treated right. It sounds like no matter what you do, the gparents are ALWAYS going to find something that is wrong. I agree with dbarabians that you need to look out for your child first, and if that means no more visits with gparents, or certain subjects being completely off topic, and sticking with it, then your child will be better for it. I would honestly have a sit down heart to heart with your husband, and explain that you both need to be on the same page, that you both need to stand up for your son. Explain to your husband that its not "him" who's "defying" Dad, its his SON who he's DEFENDING and PROTECTING from Dad, and maybe that will help him see what's happening, and stand up to his Dad. He's not doing it for himself, he's doing it for his son. I am glad that you are both so supportive of his riding, and him doing what he wants to do, now you have to work at keeping it positive, and while you can't always protect him from anyone and everyone who would poke fun at his choices, and you don't necessarily want to put him in a bubble, when it's coming from an elder that he looks up to, and who should be supporting him, and isn't, things have to change. I'm so sorry that you are having to deal with this, and that you have to keep making tough choices, but keep thinking of your son, and keeping him safe. Kudos to your kid for doing what he loves regardless of what others think! I know he's probably too old now, but give him a big hug for me.
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post #22 of 42 Old 12-22-2013, 06:45 AM
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I was going to comment but dressagebelle pretty much covered everything I was going to say. Kudos to you for sticking up for him, he sounds like he's found something he loves.
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post #23 of 42 Old 12-22-2013, 11:13 AM
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Originally Posted by Saddlebag View Post
I don't think this lad SHOULD try anything because someone else thinks he should. He's a boy and he has focused on jumping right now. One day he may decide another horse sport looks interesting and give it a try. I agree with dbarabians - hundred percent.
What I was saying is, yes he should try it. He should try as many things as he can. But he is NINE he has all the time in the world to get to it. He shouldn't be forced to switch or choose one. In one, two, twelve years I would hope he will have sat a few different seats, just for the experience of it. He is nine though. He has to start somewhere.
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post #24 of 42 Old 12-22-2013, 12:13 PM
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My issue would be with your DH not standing up for his son. Sorry, but he needs a backbone. (that wash;t really the part I had in mind, but it is the PG one.)
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post #25 of 42 Old 12-22-2013, 08:33 PM
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Tell your FIL to butt out and mind his own business. Tell him when he is ready to accept his grandson riding however he wants then he can come around and open his mouth. Until then he needs to shut up. Your sons father needs to grow a pair and tell his own father to shut the heck up.
I listened to my grandsons father tell him he was gay because he handled dogs with me at shows. To this day my grandson can show dogs and ride motorcycles and ride horses and after 12 years is just starting to have a relationship with his dad after all the nasty things he said about being a "dog show handler"
You ,mom, need to put a stop to this attitude before it gets worse and totally destroys any relationship that FIL could have with your son. Time to stop the nonsense.
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post #26 of 42 Old 12-23-2013, 08:40 AM
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When those that are supposed to love and protect a child fail to do either, that is very frightening to a child.
It is important to your sons emotional well being as a child and adult that your FIL cease his bullying. Shalom
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post #27 of 42 Old 12-23-2013, 09:22 AM Thread Starter
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Trust me, for over 18 years I have been telling this man to shut up & bugg off. The last go round I told him that, he doesn't have a say in how our son is raised. Hubby has given up trying to get his father to understand. FIL is the type that demands that everyone obey's him. Because of this, time with the grandparents is under restrictions. I have talked to my son about it. I told him that when people don't understand things or are scared of them, sometimes they lash out about it, it doesn't make it right or nice. He know's that Daddy & I think he is a rock star & that is what counts.

Cowgirl up!
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post #28 of 42 Old 12-23-2013, 09:51 AM
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Personally, if you have been dealing with this man for 18 years, he would no longer be allowed around AT ALL............ Period. Until he acts like a grandfather, not a dictator, it would be no visiting, no nothing.
I have a son in law, that I soon hope to be an ex son in law who is not allowed into my home at any time ever. My daughter and grandkids are fine with that restriction and events, dinners, etc are wonderful without him around. No exceptions at all. He is not allowed into my home.
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post #29 of 42 Old 12-23-2013, 01:33 PM
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While it is very easy to say just cut them out, don't allow access there is a point that you have to be realistic in your expectations to preserve family dynamics. I think DB said to limit access, have visits supervised and stand up to the man when an issue crops up. This is the most sensible and for us what has worked. In an extreme situation where the only option is cut them out if you have done the above it makes it easier on the rest of the family and there is more understanding and support from all for your decision. DH doesn't agree with his mother, he won't stand up to her though as she has had that much of an effect over the course of his life. He supports me though when I stand up to her and there have been a couple of instances where he did stand up when I couldn't. Because of our efforts her own DH stood up with him when it became apparent it was necessary for back up.
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post #30 of 42 Old 12-23-2013, 02:16 PM
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Litrella, it sounds like you're doing all the right things in regard to your son and your FIL. It sounds like your FIL has his own mind set and is awfully hard-headed in it. My grandmother's husband was like that; he caused a lot of people a lot of grief. It takes courage to stand up to people like that. Kudos to you for protecting your son! How I wish I could've had someone who'd have protected me from my grandmother's husband!
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