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Serious Frustration Lies Ahead- Long

2K views 15 replies 3 participants last post by  RogueMare 
#1 ·
I'm so frustrated right now. I just found a sub-leaser for my apartment, bc I was looking at getting a two bedroom with a friend as a roommate, so I'm in between places, when I found this internship and have been talking to the Owner for about a week and a half now, so I put the new apt on hold.. which is good because I just got fired from work(looooooong story), and happen to be staying at my moms, whose now ticked because I'm probably going to be here longer than the planned couple of weeks... (at 3 weeks and counting now because things got complicated with one apartment complex.. had to find a new one to look at...) So now... with this internship I'm supposed to send the lady who decides if they even want me down there a video tomorrow of me riding both English and Western. But here's the kicker. I don't have a horse. I had one lined up, then the owner fell off the face of the earth... Then my friend came in with her Gorgeous morgan gelding who had a tear in his pastern, was on pasture rest, been doing great in rehab... who is lame again as of tonight... so, horse options... GONE.

Not to mention, (parents are divorced) My father is completely supportive of my decision to do an internship at this farm instead of collect student loan debt, and do something I really really want to do. But my mother on the other hand doesn't see how these people are benefiting from teaching me, and is convinced that "some crazy Cubans are going to kidnap you, and take you to Cuba to be a s** slave..." (her words not mine...) because, there is no stall cleaning or anything else involved.. but they pay for housing and such, all I have to pay is my food bill (and regular bills like cell phone, car payment etc.) Basically she thinks these people have to benefit majorly from this or its to good to be true.

I'm just way frustrated... Anyone want to make me feel better? Lol Maybe a way to explain to my mom this whole working student/internship deal-y? Or maybe point out where the "Crazy Cubans" are hiding in the scheme to kidnap me?

For reference its Valhalla Farms in Wellborn, Florida
 
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#2 ·
I would explain to her that it is a very well established stable that needs help exercising the horses. If shes not a horse person, you might have to really talk about it in non horsey ways. Tell her its a trade off for an education. If there was one thing I learned talking my non horsey parents into letting me do horsey things is they like to see documents. Show her the tuition for a year at a horse-based college. Explain it to her as 'on the job training' without the cash money payment. Its all about how you word things.

As far as the horse goes...no one can lend you a horse for a few hours? Does it have to be any horse or a super well trained one? Call around. Im sure someone has something for you to ride!
 
#3 ·
I appreciate that, sometimes its hard to think in Non-horse terms. I just tell my dad, and he understands. Mom- its all about college, and money... .

yeah, I've called around. The thing is most people aren't willing to do it in a less than 24 hour notice. Which is what its come down to. I got the call at 8:30 the the Morgan Gelding was lame again. It doesn't have to be a well trained horse (The Morgans name is Hotshot- for good reason!) but I do need something that isn't going to try killing me. Lol! As great as it would be to show her I can be a rodeo star its not quite what she's looking for. haha!
 
#4 ·
Too bad you are two good sized states away! Im always trying to let people ride my gelding!

Do you have any 'pay to ride' stables around? Wonder if they could let you ride one of their trail horses english and western. Most of those places are only out to make a buck. If you dont have the cash...offer to clean some stalls and stack some hay!
 
#5 ·
Theres a couple, but most of them charge an arm and a leg for what they want to give you. Not to mention I don't get along with the biggest "pay as you go" barn around here because I didn't hesitate to stand up to her about a couple issues we had when I worked there... (long story! lol.. there are a lot of those lately)

I've got a solution you trailer and load him, I'll meet you in Ohio in the morning! haha. I think the biggest thing is my mother doesn't want me to be so far away when I venture out for this whole internship... She's kind of a control freak... -Anywho- I will try talking to her in the morning. She's such a high strung person sometimes I wonder if we're really related.... I swear she almost had a coronary over a dirty plate in the sink this morning...

So, to work on this 'talk' her and I are going to have.. This barn, I would be living in a three bedroom house with two other interns. Valhalla pays all bills but food, car payment/insurance, and phone bill. But, I don't have to clean stalls- they have a staff for that. She doesn't see how my being a student at their farm is going to benefit them enough to pay for all this housing, and teaching and stuff. Another thing is, she doesn't even remotely relate this to college. In fact, she's refusing to pay my car insurance (that was agreed she'd pay as long as I was in college) because I'm not getting a 'real' education. AND- she says there is no way I could make a living breeding/training/showing/riding dressage horses.
 
#6 ·
Well, from a moms point of view I can tell you that it is hard to let a child move on. We always want to see you as our babies. Every time my husband gets upset about his mom 'nosing' into his life...I remind him that she remembers what his dirty diapers smell like...were just a different breed. That being said, her being non-horsey makes things difficult.

Since you are going to be an intern/working student I would explain it this way. The horses that you will be riding will be students ALSO. The trainer can only ride one horse at a time. Its easier for them to crank out winners if they have good, competent riders (such as yourself) working under said trainers. You learn how to train and the horse is being trained by you and the trainer TOGETHER. Everyone benefits and no one loses. Explain to her that hiring less qualified trainers with ideas of their own doesnt benefit the stable. Im sure they have their own training method and if they are successful enough to be bringing on working students, it must be a good one. It is cheaper for them in the long run to pay for housing (which probably doesnt cost them much as I would imagine it is on the stable property) than it would be to pay x amount of trainers x amount of dollars for a various training styles. Your pay back is the same as being in college. You get to put them down as a reference and possibly get hired on after your internship.

In college, you would have a teacher standing in class teaching 30 people one concept. At the end of the day, you would have to pass tests and get graded. You will see this in your internship also. If you arent working out, you will hear about it and you wont stay long. The difference is you will be getting hands on education in a field where a degree helps but experience can really sway employers.

Instead of a diploma, you are working for a good reference. The difference is, you wont have all those pesky student loans at the end. Making money riding and caring for horses can be difficult and is usually left for those who are very talented riders. Explain that you feel that you have a natural talent for this and that this opportunity will just help you bring your talent to the next level.

As far as the car insurance goes, tell your mom that if you cant pay your car insurance, you will have to leave your car at home. You will catch rides to the grocery and you will probably be too busy riding to do that. Without a car, you wont be able to come home to visit. Its not nice to manipulate but...sometimes parents just need the motivation to help you chase dreams.

My own mom let me persue something similar to what you are doing allllll the way in California. I had a blast. After a year, I came home because my internship was done and my mom was sick. She never really wanted me to go but after she saw that it did make me happy, she was glad to help. Believe me, she wants you to succeed. Shes just not sure...help her!

Good luck with everything! If its meant to be, that morgan will show up magically sound tomorrow and you can get your ride in. If not, you will find a way.
 
#7 ·
Are you by chance looking to adopt? Lol. Thank-you so much. I think this will honestly help her understand a LOT. Bed time now, I'll let ya know how it goes in the morning. :)

Thanks again!
 
#8 ·
Well.... I sat down this morning to talk to her and explain it and now she's convinced I'm not trying to convince her, but I'm trying to convince myself. When the truth be told, my mother has not supported me in anything I've done so far with my life other than collect student loan debt. For once, I want to move back out of her house here in Michigan, and go to Florida on speaking terms with her. I've never made a move this far, and I've never moved out of her house without us being in a huge fight and if I get the internship I'm going to be a long ways away.

So now the end result is she's determined I'm ruining my life. I'm still living here, and we're not on speaking terms. I'm unemployed, but I have to pay her rent or get out. I just got fired... two days ago? Rent wasn't even in the picture until today. *Sigh*
 
#9 ·
I know its a frustrating situation...*hugs* While you relationship with your mother is a very important one, everyone needs to chase dreams. How soon are you to start your internship? Could you tell her you plan on being out by a certain date and that you intend to pay her rent when you have money?
 
#10 ·
If I get the internship I would be leaving in the third week of August. I can't promise her any money right now, I don't have any income. And she's SOOOO money oriented. And, when I moved back in I was only supposed to be here for maybe a week or two, but things have been happening like crazy with this possible internship, losing my job, and being back at home after almost 3 years being on my own.

Sadly I told her that if she can't support me emotionally in what I want to do with my life, that I don't want her in mine. I know its harsh, but I feel like she has been doing nothing but trying to force me into something I don't want. And if it were the case of me just doing what made her happy, I'd never be happy with MY life. I haven't gotten the internship yet, and I don't want her telling me I can't do it to be my biggest driving force, but it sort of is. I want to want to do it because I want to.... Does that make sense? lol
 
#11 ·
I know it feels like you are being forced but you have to sometimes look at it from her view. I'm not taking her side or anything but parents generally want the best for their kids, plus you're saying she is money orientated - so is it really a surprise that she is pushing you to pursue an education that will hopefully help you live comfortably in the future?

There isn't much money in horses - I believe that if you try hard for a long time that you'll succeed to an extent. I don't even know you but how passionate you sound - well I believe in you if that helps. Although it is hard to do more than "scrape" by in the horse industry. Yes, there are people who do great, but there are far and few between. For every successful horse person there are hundreds, if not thousands who have tried to make a living from horses and ended up finding in unfeasible.

My mother doesn't pay anything for me, and I don't live with her, but when I do stay with her she has a deal - if you're studying you don't pay rent - the moment I am not studying I have to pay rent.

If I said to my mother, "hey i'm going to drop out of uni to go ride horses at this nice horse place and learn stuff" she would go pretty nuts. She'd understand that I love horses, and she might support me to get my own or take lessons but she'd say that an education will allow me the opportunities to "follow my dreams" further down the track. She'd say sure, do horses in your holidays or when you finish but get a back up, she'd ask me what would happen if I were injured, or something, what would I do then if I couldn't ride? Or if I had a child or something. The idea would be to choose the option that would allow for most opportunity in the most range of circumstances in the future.

I'm not telling you to not do what you want - I'm just trying to help you see where your mum might be coming from you.

You tell her that if she doesn't support your wishes that you don't want her in your life - but her wishes are that you go to college and you aren't supporting that either. Parents always think they know what is best. To be honest, I know its not nice, but I don't know if I would consider your internship an "education". I mean you are learning things, but you're not working towards a qualification are you? I can see why she thinks she shouldn't have to pay.

I urge you not to cut your mother out of your life. Parents can be so tricky, and living with them, even for short periods, can strain an already tenuous relationship. In the long run though they're really all you have. Life's too short to hold grudges. To me it doesn't sound like she is being malicious it just sounds as if you have different priorities, and different perspectives regarding the sams situation. You can be angry all you want but its not going to help anything. Sometimes people let you down, but sometimes you unknowingly let others down, because expectations are not met.

I don't know a solution to your problem. I guess you could keep trying to explain the situation to your mother - although it may be falling on deaf ears, or you could try and get a very short term job, or offer to work around the house or workout a payment plan. I don't know just try and forgive, even though you're angry.

Is there anyone else you can stay with?
 
#12 ·
The problem of staying with someone is, I don't want to move my stuff for three weeks, or if I don't get this internship until I find a new job, thats the max I'm going to stay. So its a tough call considering I just moved it here.

I understand your point of view/ her point of view. But the thing is, I've busted my butt in college for the past 3 years. The best I got was a B- and thats because it was an idiot class. You show up, you got credit.... Most of the time I'm pulling C's or lower. I don't want to have $3000 a semester at a local college for them to tell me I'm horrible at reading, memorizing, and spitting it back in a week. I'm very very very hands on. Show me something once, and I can after a fashion repeat it. I'm not saying I'll never go to college again, and I'll never get some sort of education. But as of right now I want to work on one degree, and majorly I want that to be horses.

And my mother hasn't paid anything (Ie: phone, car payment, rent, clothes etc.) but my car insurance since I was 16, and I haven't expected her to. Only because when she gets mad I lose my insurance. All I've asked is a roof to stay under comfortably and a stable home where I can wake up, and not have to walk on eggshells, and not have to wonder whats gong to freak her out today. Its not an ideal living situation. I do help around the house, but sometimes that falls on the back burner to working a full time job 40 hours a week on third shift, and going to school for minimal 12 credit hours a semester. And she just doesn't understand that..
 
#13 ·
I understand your frustration with college. I'm primarily kinesthetic learner which means I don't learn that well from listening or reading - which are the two main forms of knowledge "imput" at university. You're probably similar?

When I do essays or something I try and make it as hands on as possible - with many colours, post it notes, setting things out flat on the ground (like a map sort of) and trying to give all concepts practical examples.

Well maybe just try and ride it out? Three weeks isn't too long, just put headphones and ignore her, try and work your time around her to minimise interaction. It sucks that she is going to stop paying your insurance. Is it a lot of money? Can you work out a weekly payment plan that you could afford? Maybe sell something you own if you really need a car?

Good luck!

You're right, you can always go back to college if you think you need to. Sometimes everyone needs some time away, a change of sorts.
 
#14 ·
I would tell her that you are waiting to hear back from this stable about the internship. Once you know for sure, you can help her with some of the bills. The fight isn't much worth it if you are unsure of the internship.

The situation stinks all around. If this is your dream, you should follow it. Don't get all hollywood on her but you could ask her what her dream was when she was your age? Explain to her that her support means alot to you.

You are still young and an education is important. As a person who wasn't wildly successful in school as a young adult, I can sympathize. Money has never meant much to me. I live a comfortable life but we don't have money to waste. Horses have always been my passion. I have never given up. If its your passion, you wont either.
 
#15 ·
Thank-you guys. :) I really appreciate your help.

Saskia-Yes, thats the type of learner I am. But not only that I'm a common sense thinker. If I don't see good reason to learn it, I just can't get myself into the topic.

Corinowalk- I agree with you... Money isn't everything for me either. In my future, I want to make enough to pay my bills, but other than that I'm not worried about owning yachts and Cadillacs. She is..

Well, the riding video is sent in as of around midnight last night. I'll let ya'll know when I get a reply!
 
#16 ·
Hi Angelina, thanks for sending the video. I like your quiet hands and quiet position. If you want to work at Valhalla, we'll give you first option for the job. I think you would be a good addition to our staff.

You obviously have the determination and kindness we like here. The position is immediate, so let me know when you can come.

Thanks,
Jean
Thats the email I received this morning! I was so excited I was jumping around the house.. Now my mother is freaking out and crying in the living room.

I'm achieving my goals, and she's ruining my day! This is a day to be happy! I'm getting something I've been working for. And it was hard work! She's crying to my brother about someone stealing me, or taking me in their car.. I'm twenty years old, I know I'm not invincible, but I'm smart enough not to put myself in situations where I wouldn't feel comfortable. UGH. She's such a ... Fun Ruiner!!
 
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