Serious Frustration Lies Ahead- Long - Page 2 - The Horse Forum
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post #11 of 16 Old 07-31-2010, 01:20 PM
Green Broke
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: New South Wales, Australia
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I know it feels like you are being forced but you have to sometimes look at it from her view. I'm not taking her side or anything but parents generally want the best for their kids, plus you're saying she is money orientated - so is it really a surprise that she is pushing you to pursue an education that will hopefully help you live comfortably in the future?

There isn't much money in horses - I believe that if you try hard for a long time that you'll succeed to an extent. I don't even know you but how passionate you sound - well I believe in you if that helps. Although it is hard to do more than "scrape" by in the horse industry. Yes, there are people who do great, but there are far and few between. For every successful horse person there are hundreds, if not thousands who have tried to make a living from horses and ended up finding in unfeasible.

My mother doesn't pay anything for me, and I don't live with her, but when I do stay with her she has a deal - if you're studying you don't pay rent - the moment I am not studying I have to pay rent.

If I said to my mother, "hey i'm going to drop out of uni to go ride horses at this nice horse place and learn stuff" she would go pretty nuts. She'd understand that I love horses, and she might support me to get my own or take lessons but she'd say that an education will allow me the opportunities to "follow my dreams" further down the track. She'd say sure, do horses in your holidays or when you finish but get a back up, she'd ask me what would happen if I were injured, or something, what would I do then if I couldn't ride? Or if I had a child or something. The idea would be to choose the option that would allow for most opportunity in the most range of circumstances in the future.

I'm not telling you to not do what you want - I'm just trying to help you see where your mum might be coming from you.

You tell her that if she doesn't support your wishes that you don't want her in your life - but her wishes are that you go to college and you aren't supporting that either. Parents always think they know what is best. To be honest, I know its not nice, but I don't know if I would consider your internship an "education". I mean you are learning things, but you're not working towards a qualification are you? I can see why she thinks she shouldn't have to pay.

I urge you not to cut your mother out of your life. Parents can be so tricky, and living with them, even for short periods, can strain an already tenuous relationship. In the long run though they're really all you have. Life's too short to hold grudges. To me it doesn't sound like she is being malicious it just sounds as if you have different priorities, and different perspectives regarding the sams situation. You can be angry all you want but its not going to help anything. Sometimes people let you down, but sometimes you unknowingly let others down, because expectations are not met.

I don't know a solution to your problem. I guess you could keep trying to explain the situation to your mother - although it may be falling on deaf ears, or you could try and get a very short term job, or offer to work around the house or workout a payment plan. I don't know just try and forgive, even though you're angry.

Is there anyone else you can stay with?
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post #12 of 16 Old 07-31-2010, 11:29 PM Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: on the way to Hell in a Handbasket
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The problem of staying with someone is, I don't want to move my stuff for three weeks, or if I don't get this internship until I find a new job, thats the max I'm going to stay. So its a tough call considering I just moved it here.

I understand your point of view/ her point of view. But the thing is, I've busted my butt in college for the past 3 years. The best I got was a B- and thats because it was an idiot class. You show up, you got credit.... Most of the time I'm pulling C's or lower. I don't want to have $3000 a semester at a local college for them to tell me I'm horrible at reading, memorizing, and spitting it back in a week. I'm very very very hands on. Show me something once, and I can after a fashion repeat it. I'm not saying I'll never go to college again, and I'll never get some sort of education. But as of right now I want to work on one degree, and majorly I want that to be horses.

And my mother hasn't paid anything (Ie: phone, car payment, rent, clothes etc.) but my car insurance since I was 16, and I haven't expected her to. Only because when she gets mad I lose my insurance. All I've asked is a roof to stay under comfortably and a stable home where I can wake up, and not have to walk on eggshells, and not have to wonder whats gong to freak her out today. Its not an ideal living situation. I do help around the house, but sometimes that falls on the back burner to working a full time job 40 hours a week on third shift, and going to school for minimal 12 credit hours a semester. And she just doesn't understand that..

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post #13 of 16 Old 07-31-2010, 11:48 PM
Green Broke
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: New South Wales, Australia
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I understand your frustration with college. I'm primarily kinesthetic learner which means I don't learn that well from listening or reading - which are the two main forms of knowledge "imput" at university. You're probably similar?

When I do essays or something I try and make it as hands on as possible - with many colours, post it notes, setting things out flat on the ground (like a map sort of) and trying to give all concepts practical examples.

Well maybe just try and ride it out? Three weeks isn't too long, just put headphones and ignore her, try and work your time around her to minimise interaction. It sucks that she is going to stop paying your insurance. Is it a lot of money? Can you work out a weekly payment plan that you could afford? Maybe sell something you own if you really need a car?

Good luck!

You're right, you can always go back to college if you think you need to. Sometimes everyone needs some time away, a change of sorts.
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post #14 of 16 Old 07-31-2010, 11:50 PM
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Pennsylvania
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I would tell her that you are waiting to hear back from this stable about the internship. Once you know for sure, you can help her with some of the bills. The fight isn't much worth it if you are unsure of the internship.

The situation stinks all around. If this is your dream, you should follow it. Don't get all hollywood on her but you could ask her what her dream was when she was your age? Explain to her that her support means alot to you.

You are still young and an education is important. As a person who wasn't wildly successful in school as a young adult, I can sympathize. Money has never meant much to me. I live a comfortable life but we don't have money to waste. Horses have always been my passion. I have never given up. If its your passion, you wont either.
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post #15 of 16 Old 08-01-2010, 08:48 AM Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2010
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Thank-you guys. :) I really appreciate your help.

Saskia-Yes, thats the type of learner I am. But not only that I'm a common sense thinker. If I don't see good reason to learn it, I just can't get myself into the topic.

Corinowalk- I agree with you... Money isn't everything for me either. In my future, I want to make enough to pay my bills, but other than that I'm not worried about owning yachts and Cadillacs. She is..

Well, the riding video is sent in as of around midnight last night. I'll let ya'll know when I get a reply!

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post #16 of 16 Old 08-01-2010, 09:40 AM Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: on the way to Hell in a Handbasket
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Hi Angelina, thanks for sending the video. I like your quiet hands and quiet position. If you want to work at Valhalla, we'll give you first option for the job. I think you would be a good addition to our staff.

You obviously have the determination and kindness we like here. The position is immediate, so let me know when you can come.

Thats the email I received this morning! I was so excited I was jumping around the house.. Now my mother is freaking out and crying in the living room.

I'm achieving my goals, and she's ruining my day! This is a day to be happy! I'm getting something I've been working for. And it was hard work! She's crying to my brother about someone stealing me, or taking me in their car.. I'm twenty years old, I know I'm not invincible, but I'm smart enough not to put myself in situations where I wouldn't feel comfortable. UGH. She's such a ... Fun Ruiner!!

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