She Lunged at a KID! - Page 3 - The Horse Forum
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post #21 of 31 Old 03-19-2012, 01:50 PM
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I'm completely in agreement with Dreamcatcher. Your fiancee's respect issues are as bad as your horse's, if he calls you a "bitch" because you tell him how you want the horses handled, and when it's clear his handling has resulted in a very problematic filly.

I've always used how a man handles himself around my horse as a basis to judge whether or not he's long term relationship material.
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post #22 of 31 Old 03-19-2012, 02:22 PM
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Originally Posted by thesilverspear View Post
I'm completely in agreement with Dreamcatcher. Your fiancee's respect issues are as bad as your horse's, if he calls you a "bitch" because you tell him how you want the horses handled, and when it's clear his handling has resulted in a very problematic filly.

I've always used how a man handles himself around my horse as a basis to judge whether or not he's long term relationship material.
Im going to disagree. Im rough and strict around my horses dont let them get away with anything. I make sure i dont let them win. But they are 100% healthy and fed great. Up to date on all shots and everything just strict wiht them.
But im never rough or strict with my wife. There is a huge difference with horses and relationships.
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post #23 of 31 Old 03-19-2012, 02:30 PM
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I think there's a difference between rough and strict, and unpredictable/abusive and angry/ disrespectful. Firm, fair, consistent - predictable and rational. Arbitrary, hateful, namby-pamby and then inconsistently harsh - not predictable and not good material for a long term relationship for man/woman or beast. I think what we're talking about is whether the person is mean-spirited.

For example - My husband is direct, strict, and unyielding on his principles, but he is fair and consistent and good and always in control of his temper and his words - not mean-spirited. But, he can make the horses think they're gonna die for about 3 seconds.

Last edited by Ladytrails; 03-19-2012 at 02:35 PM.
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post #24 of 31 Old 03-19-2012, 02:32 PM
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Cowboy, I'm not talking about rough or strict, I'm talking about trying to take away someone's self respect and mental abuse. Being called a bitch is just that, abusive.

The minute I read the op's statement that he has no desire to learn because 'her way of doing things is boring', my reaction was, "Your ignorant behaviour is boring, why don't you leave now?". Then when she said he escalated and called her a bitch, that's the final straw, no man who respects a woman, let alone claims to love her enough to marry her and spend his life with her, would call her a bitch. That is a serious red flag and would get him tossed in this house.

I just as firmly believe that a woman who loves her husband and respects him would never call him names either, and if either one of them does that, it's unacceptable.

He's obviously already had at least one failed relationship (9 year old son, where's mom?), and I bet he talks about that woman like she is dirt beneath his feet.

I would be very rough and strict with that horse, and I'd be very happily doing it alone without that fiance. No one has the right to take someone's self respect, but I'm also very cognizant of the fact that if you don't give it to them, they can't take it from you.

So my basic premise was, take back your self respect and I'll bet a whole bunch of other things improve in your life, starting with the handling of that horse which ought to become a whole lot easier when she doesn't have someone undermining her training and handling.

My prediction would be, if she doesn't tell him to hit the road, the fiance will continue to tease the horse until she bites him or kicks him severely and then she'll come home to either find him beating the crap out of the horse for what he caused or he'll be screaming that the horse is crazy and needs to be gotten rid of, or the horse will hurt the 9 year old because of what the father is teaching him to do. None of those scenarios bodes well for the future of the horse, and NONE of it is the horse's fault.
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post #25 of 31 Old 03-19-2012, 02:35 PM
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nevermind posted too late, dreamcatcher beat me to it!
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post #26 of 31 Old 03-19-2012, 03:27 PM
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The truth of the situation has been covered; I only want to add that you, OP, have done great work with the horse, since, in the midst of BF's undermining your training with such things as "tickle the elbow to see if she won't get annoyed", the horse STILL saw you as her good leader to be obeyed! You don't need to get on her case, on the contrary, put yourself in her place, having been on the receiving end of such confusing & cruel behaviour from a human!

You just need to eliminate the jerk BF.
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post #27 of 31 Old 03-19-2012, 03:35 PM
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Seeing that this is a thread on training the horse rather than on relationships, I really think that we ought to move forewards and back into the topic of the horse itself. We have alerted the OP of what we believe is causing the trouble, and she can digest that the way that she wants to- but there isn't a reason to begin critisizing her fiance whom we do not know.

She has been told what we feel is causing her horses problems, has been given advice on how to correct the horse, and I believe that now we have gotten past the useful posting of this thread.

Everyone in your life is meant to
be in your journey, but not all of
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post #28 of 31 Old 03-19-2012, 03:41 PM
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I didn't mean my comment to be taken completely literally. You shouldn't treat your partner exactly as you would treat your horse, but I also think horses can bring out the best and worst in the people who handle them. If someone is calm, confident, fair, and firm around the horse, that tells me a lot about him. If he acts like an utter idiot, that also tells me a lot. For example, one ex of mine would do things like approach a horse who didn't know him very well and try to pat it on the forehead, like a dog. I remember him getting really offended and angry when he did this to my horse and she jerked her head up and smacked him in the face. I explained to him (more than once) why this was the wrong way to approach a horse, but he never quite got it. His attitude was always, "How dare she hit me in the head." He was like that with people too; he just could not see how his actions affected the behaviour of those around him. That's why he's an ex.

I worked in equine assisted therapy for a wee while, and one of the main arguments for that particular therapeutic regime is that people will bring a lot of the ways they deal with human relationships into the way they interact with the horses. As most of our clients had relationship troubles in their lives -- with partners, friends, parents, siblings, whatever -- we could use the manner in which they related to the horse to get at and address those sorts of issues. That was one of the real benefits of our work.
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post #29 of 31 Old 03-19-2012, 03:53 PM
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I do agree with the relationship advice, but you've obviously heard enough of that stuff.

So to the horse problem. The one thing I would like to point out is one post where you said she pinned her ears but did not bite you so you brushed it off. I honestly think that may be part of the problem. I have always said that even the SLIGHTEST amount of aggression should be treated as a big act of aggression, because eventually, that is what it will turn into. Pinned ears, to a horse, is a crystal clear method of aggression and irritation. It is unmistakeable, and if not corrected it will turn into something more. If my horse pins his ears at me, I treat him as if he just tried to attack me, because quite frankly he was thinking about it. So I "attack" him back and make him think he's gonna die.

Correct the little things, and they will not turn into big things. It's all about body language. Horses rarely just bite out of nowhere. To a trained eye, they can see it coming from a mile away. It usually builds up over a few weeks. You just gotta catch it before it becomes a bigger issue.
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post #30 of 31 Old 03-19-2012, 04:41 PM Thread Starter
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Thank you to everyone for the advice, both kinds. I have a lot to digest.

On a high note, after only a day of no one but me messing with her, ergo no mixed signals, and making her toe the line 100%, she is already back to where she was before I started noticing issues. I can go into the stall with the food bucket and she moves back, stands quietly with her ears perked towards me and waits patiently for me to leave before coming to the feeder. As long as I don't try to walk into the middle of a frisky play session between sisters, it takes only a moment to get her to come up, sniff my hand and accept the halter. I can brush her and put my hands all over her body without any issues, no pinned ears, no swishing tail, no stopped feet. She is still a bit scatter brained when we are working, but I just keep her changing directions and constantly refocus her back on the game at hand until she settles, and that is what I expect from a youngster.

I have still decided that she is for sale because she is developing more of a western pleasure build and movement and I want to get into dressage and jumping. I do know that I will have a lot better luck placing her with a good home as long as I keep on top of her and she has good manners. I did start her on a supplement called Vita-Calm along with corn oil since neither one will hurt her and will help her relax if it is hormonal in nature at all.
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