Should I Move Out?
   

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Should I Move Out?

This is a discussion on Should I Move Out? within the Horse Talk forums, part of the Keeping and Caring for Horses category

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        07-08-2013, 05:37 PM
      #1
    Weanling
    Should I Move Out?

    So get ready for a long story. So here we go. So I am 22 years old, I am a part time trainer to help with little things around my trainers barn. I am going back to collage this coming fall for auto painting. So here is my problem. I live with 2 grandparents who are getting up there in age. Both sick and don't want to give up their life in there big house. So I am stuck cleaning and taking care of everything. I get little money for what I do. Plus my grandfather is a pain about everything. He yells at me for everything. Even if its nothing I did. He blames me for stealing or moving stuff. He thinks I did not do what I was told to do. Let alone he hates women and thinks they should not have a job and should get married young and take care of the house. Let alone he wont help me with my car that is having tanny problems. While he helps his only son with everything. He paid for his house, his rent for years. Pays for his food....Etc he takes care of everything for him even when he has a job and has a wife and two kids. I am getting tired of this. My mother is sick, she is on kidney dialysis . As she no longer has kidneys. She has had two transplants before and can't work. So she lives with my grandparents that are her parents. We live all togeather. My mother is is in better shape now and may get a transplant later on.


    With all the yelling and trouble in the house I vary much want to move out on my own. I am getting tired of being treated like a house maid. My trainer has a guest house that he is willing to let me live in if I become a full time helper on on the property. (clean stalls, help with the horses...etc.) All my living costs (water, lights...etc) are covered. Even internet. So my question to you is would you move? I don't have a job at this time. As I spend all my hours cleaning and taking care of this large house. I don't want to leave my mom here by her self like this with my grandparents. But I need to get my life going and find a way to support my self. As I know I will be on my own. The house is on the small side but I think if I had to both me and mother could live in one house. I would be getting some money from the college as I am Pell grant. So for the classes I should get back around $1k or more to help pay for things for a bit. My mother said she would still help with my costs. Such as cell phone, board for my horse....etc

    So what do you think?
         
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        07-08-2013, 05:41 PM
      #2
    Showing
    If you're 22 y/o you can make your own decisions. If you and your mother think you can make a go of it in this house, then you might want to try it.

    Just one thing; when you go back to school, you can't work full time for your trainer. How is that supposed to work out, rent wise?
         
        07-08-2013, 05:45 PM
      #3
    Showing
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Freemare    
    So get ready for a long story. So here we go. So I am 22 years old, I am a part time trainer to help with little things around my trainers barn. I am going back to collage this coming fall for auto painting. So here is my problem. I live with 2 grandparents who are getting up there in age. Both sick and don't want to give up their life in there big house. So I am stuck cleaning and taking care of everything. I get little money for what I do. Plus my grandfather is a pain about everything. He yells at me for everything. Even if its nothing I did. He blames me for stealing or moving stuff. He thinks I did not do what I was told to do. Let alone he hates women and thinks they should not have a job and should get married young and take care of the house. Let alone he wont help me with my car that is having tanny problems. While he helps his only son with everything. He paid for his house, his rent for years. Pays for his food....Etc he takes care of everything for him even when he has a job and has a wife and two kids. I am getting tired of this. My mother is sick, she is on kidney dialysis . As she no longer has kidneys. She has had two transplants before and can't work. So she lives with my grandparents that are her parents. We live all togeather. My mother is is in better shape now and may get a transplant later on.


    With all the yelling and trouble in the house I vary much want to move out on my own. I am getting tired of being treated like a house maid. My trainer has a guest house that he is willing to let me live in if I become a full time helper on on the property. (clean stalls, help with the horses...etc.) All my living costs (water, lights...etc) are covered. Even internet. So my question to you is would you move? I don't have a job at this time. As I spend all my hours cleaning and taking care of this large house. I don't want to leave my mom here by her self like this with my grandparents. But I need to get my life going and find a way to support my self. As I know I will be on my own. The house is on the small side but I think if I had to both me and mother could live in one house. I would be getting some money from the college as I am Pell grant. So for the classes I should get back around $1k or more to help pay for things for a bit. My mother said she would still help with my costs. Such as cell phone, board for my horse....etc

    So what do you think?
    I've always been a strong believer that it takes 2 to tango, meaning by that there might be more to the story than what you are telling us. Your g-parents sound very old fashioned and it seems that everyone in the house is under a lot of pressure with the general health of most living in the house.

    From your point of view, I feel its a question of keeping good mental health over living with your mom and g-parents. It sounds like you have a great opportunity to move out and work full time at the stable, and it sounds like it's free of charge. I would definitely consider the opportunity to move out.
         
        07-08-2013, 05:45 PM
      #4
    Weanling
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Speed Racer    
    If you're 22 y/o you can make your own decisions. If you and your mother think you can make a go of it in this house, then you might want to try it.

    Just one thing; when you go back to school, you can't work full time for your trainer. How is that supposed to work out, rent wise?

    Yep he knows that. I only have two classes. They are only for part of the morning.
         
        07-08-2013, 05:49 PM
      #5
    Weanling
    I also have a bit of worry about living on my own. I have all ways lived with someone and had someone to talk to. I kind of have a fear of being on my own. Even when I know it's coming.
         
        07-08-2013, 05:49 PM
      #6
    Showing
    Perhaps, but you'll also have homework, studies and assignments, which will take up a portion of your free time.

    If you decide to do this get everything, and I mean everything in writing. You want a binding contract that completely spells out your responsibilities as well as his in exchange for free living arrangements.

    I'm not saying it's a bad idea, just that you need to cover all your bases. If you don't approach this as a business contract, which it very much is, you'll more than likely find yourself back at your grandparents' house with an even higher stress level.

    Living alone for the first time can be scary and lonely, but it gets much easier with time. I live alone now with all my animals, and am quite content. My friends and family are just a phone call, e-mail or text away if I want to talk.
    albertaeventer and 5Bijou5 like this.
         
        07-08-2013, 05:57 PM
      #7
    Weanling
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Speed Racer    
    Perhaps, but you'll also have homework, studies and assignments, which will take up a portion of your free time.

    If you decide to do this get everything, and I mean everything in writing. You want a binding contract that completely spells out your responsibilities as well as his in exchange for free living arrangements.

    I'm not saying it's a bad idea, just that you need to cover all your bases. If you don't approach this as a business contract, which it very much is, you'll more than likely find yourself back at your grandparents' house with an even higher stress level.

    Living alone for the first time can be scary and lonely, but it gets much easier with time. I live alone now with all my animals, and am quite content. My friends and family are just a phone call, e-mail or text away if I want to talk.
    I know how homework and all that goes. I finished my first horse management certificate last fall. The nice thing about the teachers around here is they don't kill you with work. I can normally get all the work done in short amount time.

    I do have one kitty. I just lost my last friend as he was using me for his own pleasure and getting me to do things for him without anything in return.
         
        07-08-2013, 08:25 PM
      #8
    Green Broke
    I am a little confused-You said move out and live alone, but you also said your Mom could fit in the house with you. Can your g-parents get by on their own? Also, find out how the "rent" cost is figured out as part of wages-ie when it comes time to file your annual tax return.
         
        07-08-2013, 08:28 PM
      #9
    Green Broke
    It's a hard situation.

    For a while I moved back to where my family lived because I felt I was obligated to do so. I do think people have a responsibility for family, but at the same time you have to live your own life.

    I don't think it's right to just walk away from your family, but you don't have to sacrifice your own happiness to ensure theirs. They have made the decision to stay in a large house they can't manage, and while it would be okay for them to need help, I don't think its okay for them to expect to hold onto a lifestyle that requires other people to sacrifice their own.

    I'd move out, but I moved out when I was young and never regretted it. If it all goes south, can you move back in? Is that an option?
         
        07-08-2013, 08:34 PM
      #10
    Started
    It sounds as though your grandparents and mother, should be able to receive some government type of help and care. I think I know how you feel. Many years ago, my aged mother and father-in-law, moved in with us and lived in our home, until they died. My mother-in-law was a sweet lady, but wheelchair bound. My father-in-law was a nightmare. Nasty old man for whom nothing was right. I was working, looking after my daughter, doing all the cooking and cleaning and taking care of my animals. I don't wish that on anyone.

    Move out. Get your own life in order. You and your mother, will do just fine.

    Keep us posted.

    Lizzie
         

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