Should I Move Out? - Page 2 - The Horse Forum
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post #11 of 17 Old 07-08-2013, 09:07 PM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by Cacowgirl View Post
I am a little confused-You said move out and live alone, but you also said your Mom could fit in the house with you. Can your g-parents get by on their own? Also, find out how the "rent" cost is figured out as part of wages-ie when it comes time to file your annual tax return.

Yes, as my mom needs someone to help her with her daily dialysis. As she can't do it alone. My grandparents are the ones helping her get off in the evening. As she gets off late and I am in bed as I have to be up early every morning. Oh ya I forgot one more thing. My grandmother fell last week and broke her hip. She still wants to live on her own. I don't think this is a good idea. My grandfather does not want to give up his life with his large house as he has so much JUNK. If he moved into a independent apparent. He would die.
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post #12 of 17 Old 07-08-2013, 09:11 PM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by Saskia View Post
It's a hard situation.

For a while I moved back to where my family lived because I felt I was obligated to do so. I do think people have a responsibility for family, but at the same time you have to live your own life.

I don't think it's right to just walk away from your family, but you don't have to sacrifice your own happiness to ensure theirs. They have made the decision to stay in a large house they can't manage, and while it would be okay for them to need help, I don't think its okay for them to expect to hold onto a lifestyle that requires other people to sacrifice their own.

I'd move out, but I moved out when I was young and never regretted it. If it all goes south, can you move back in? Is that an option?

That's what I am at now. I feel bad about just getting up and leaving and having them deal with this large house. They don't want to get rid of or move out. I know I could move back in if I had to. But with my grandparents being 79 (grandmother just fell last week and broke her hip) and grandfather 86. My grandfather being 86 is doing super well but I can tell things are taking a toll on him. So I know time is coming when they pass on or can't deal with the house anymore.
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post #13 of 17 Old 07-08-2013, 09:15 PM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by FeatheredFeet View Post
It sounds as though your grandparents and mother, should be able to receive some government type of help and care. I think I know how you feel. Many years ago, my aged mother and father-in-law, moved in with us and lived in our home, until they died. My mother-in-law was a sweet lady, but wheelchair bound. My father-in-law was a nightmare. Nasty old man for whom nothing was right. I was working, looking after my daughter, doing all the cooking and cleaning and taking care of my animals. I don't wish that on anyone.

Move out. Get your own life in order. You and your mother, will do just fine.

Keep us posted.

Lizzie

Yes they can, but my grandfather wont allow it. He thinks that people that come into the house steal stuff and don't do what they are told. He is crazy. I know he has some mental problems starting to show up and they have been getting worse.
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post #14 of 17 Old 07-08-2013, 09:20 PM
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There is a line between helping out family who needs it, and being taken advantage of. It sounds like they are taking advantage of you. That being said, you don't want to just leave them all high and dry. Maybe you could look up government help for them, or something, make sure that there's at least some help if/when you move out. I'm assuming that your g-parents son is your uncle, your mom is clearly in no shape to be taking care of them, or finding care for them, but is your uncle helping out at all? I know that it isn't the easiest thing, but sometimes the kids have to make the decision to either get care for, or find a retirement home for their parents. My grandma was very much the same, she didn't want to live in a "community" or a home, she wanted to still be out on her own, so we found a nice condo for the over 50 crowd, and as she got worse, we ended up hiring nurses to come help out every day. She was able to sort of keep her independence, and her own place, but she did have the help she needed so she could continue to stay there. Just some information. This place sounds like it might be perfect for you, but I do agree that you NEED to get everything in writing. Exactly what jobs you will be required to do, what type of hours are you looking at, what exactly is included for the work you are doing, so that later on there are no surprises or problems. Good luck.
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post #15 of 17 Old 07-08-2013, 09:22 PM
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Sorry for the double post, if your mom is there with you, it won't be as lonely, and if possible, not sure what the restrictions are for your mom, you could maybe adopt a cat, or a small dog if the owner doesn't mind.
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post #16 of 17 Old 07-08-2013, 09:28 PM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by dressagebelle View Post
There is a line between helping out family who needs it, and being taken advantage of. It sounds like they are taking advantage of you. That being said, you don't want to just leave them all high and dry. Maybe you could look up government help for them, or something, make sure that there's at least some help if/when you move out. I'm assuming that your g-parents son is your uncle, your mom is clearly in no shape to be taking care of them, or finding care for them, but is your uncle helping out at all? I know that it isn't the easiest thing, but sometimes the kids have to make the decision to either get care for, or find a retirement home for their parents. My grandma was very much the same, she didn't want to live in a "community" or a home, she wanted to still be out on her own, so we found a nice condo for the over 50 crowd, and as she got worse, we ended up hiring nurses to come help out every day. She was able to sort of keep her independence, and her own place, but she did have the help she needed so she could continue to stay there. Just some information. This place sounds like it might be perfect for you, but I do agree that you NEED to get everything in writing. Exactly what jobs you will be required to do, what type of hours are you looking at, what exactly is included for the work you are doing, so that later on there are no surprises or problems. Good luck.

Yes we do have a kitty. Well 3 little fluffy balls. My trainer does not mind. He even said I could get a dog, my grandfather would never allow that in the house. Anyway. Yes he is my uncle. The problem with him is he is a lazy bum. He wont do a thing. He also has bad heath problems. Bad smoker, he has over dosed on pills, and lots of other bad things. So he out of the picture. I also have a ant, but she lives way out of state and could never help. Her husband also hates me. Not sure why, never is nice to me. But is super nice to everyone else.
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post #17 of 17 Old 07-09-2013, 11:59 AM
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As long as you're not going to feel guilty about moving out and leaving your grandparents to take care of the property on their own then I say go for it. But if you feel like you might have any sort of guilt, I suggest trying to have a heart to heart with them, especially your grandfather, and let him know how you really feel (and maybe respectfully that times have changed) and see what he has to say. If nothing changes then get out because it's not good for your mental health to feel unappreciated, looked down on and always be yelled at.

It sounds like you have a great opportunity to start trying to make it on your own, a house for what sounds like its free in exchange for barn chores. The only thing you may want to consider is getting a second paid job part time for money for food, vet bills, emergencies, car repairs etc. And it's awesome that you'll still have your mom too to help, so if you're having trouble and aren't quite sure how do do something she can give yous some guidance. But just like its already been said, make sure you have time for everything, if you wouldn't have time for barn chores, school, homework/studying, the second job for money and at least a little free time...you're just going to be miserable trying to get ends to meet.
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