Someone's Getting A Horse Who's Not Ready. - Page 3 - The Horse Forum
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post #21 of 48 Old 07-05-2010, 06:05 AM
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I'd like to add that being able to afford lessons, and being able to afford a horse, are very differant things.

I couldn't afford lessons if I wanted them, and by most standards, I probably could "use" them (I don't intend to show, and know enough to ride a horse on a trail - but, I probably don't have great posture, nor do I know all the tricks); I can, however, afford my horses. If a horse needs farrier work, I get the money - if I have to, I sell something. If a vet bill occurs? I get a loan.

I can't get a loan for horse back riding lessons, nor would I sell something for them. Your friend may be able to afford a horse easily.

I'd also like to mention that your friend probably won't accept your advice; no matter how nice you're being.
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post #22 of 48 Old 07-05-2010, 10:47 AM
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I really don't understand why you feel it is your position to criticize the decision she & her family have made.
It's not you paying for the horse.
It's not your horse.
It's not your business.

I'm sorry Chinga but I've seen videos of you riding and I've seen videos of you terrified because your horse snaked his head at you. This is going to come out harsher then I mean it, but you're in no position to be criticizing someone for being a beginner when you are not much more then a beginner yourself.

I recently had an issue when people I know aren't treating their horses right and won't listen to me. I was all tied in knots about it. My dad sat me down and said "is it your horse?" and I said no. He said "do you pay for those horses?" and I said no. He said "does it affect either of your horses in any way?" and I said no. And he promptly told me to build myself a bridge and get over it because it has no effect on my life and it's not my place to be advocating for every horse in the countryside if their owners don't want to listen.

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post #23 of 48 Old 07-05-2010, 11:04 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kmacdougall View Post
I really don't understand why you feel it is your position to criticize the decision she & her family have made.
It's not you paying for the horse.
It's not your horse.
It's not your business.

I'm sorry Chinga but I've seen videos of you riding and I've seen videos of you terrified because your horse snaked his head at you. This is going to come out harsher then I mean it, but you're in no position to be criticizing someone for being a beginner when you are not much more then a beginner yourself.

I recently had an issue when people I know aren't treating their horses right and won't listen to me. I was all tied in knots about it. My dad sat me down and said "is it your horse?" and I said no. He said "do you pay for those horses?" and I said no. He said "does it affect either of your horses in any way?" and I said no. And he promptly told me to build myself a bridge and get over it because it has no effect on my life and it's not my place to be advocating for every horse in the countryside if their owners don't want to listen.
This.

You are working yourself up over a situation you cannot control because you feel you know best. If you feel they are making the wrong decision, give them the name of a trainer or someone reputable that can help them in their decision making, not push your (probably unwanted) opinions on them. Everyone is a beginner at some point so who are you to discourage her?

I am sorry this is harsh but you are truly sticking your nose in a situation you don't have the right to.

*Dreams are within reach, you just have to go that extra mile to catch them*
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post #24 of 48 Old 07-05-2010, 11:39 AM
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Pretty much just what everyone else said: this isn't your business, you need to stay out of it.

I know it's hard for you to watch your friend go through what you did, but didn't you come away a smarter person for it? If she gets a good old horse, great! If she doesn't, and things go downhill, as wild spot said, wait for her to get in that terrible-feeling state of mind where she's ready to admit she's wrong, and go from there.

If right off the bat you notice some of the most basic (but only essential, that it would die without) needs are being neglected, maybe offer her a few pointers, or if she won't listen, tell her parents. You don't want to immediately go over and be: "You're not doing this right." "You have to do this." "Here, let me do it." Unless it affects the total well-being of the horse, I honestly would just leave her alone. She'll figure it out in time.

And you seem so focused on her "ruining" the horse. Maddie, if you have a horse with decent training, it's really hard to ruin it...at least from personal experience. Logically Tango should be a bucker, a rearer, a bolter after all the things I've done to her simply learning, and though she has a huge go button, she's never hurt me or acted irrationally, and she's still a total sweetheart. And guess what? She only had a year of training under her belt when I got her.
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post #25 of 48 Old 07-05-2010, 12:10 PM
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I have to agree that no amount of lessons or riding will prepare you for horse ownership. Itís like taking on a very large, furry child. They require dedication, persistence and not to mention a large portion of your social life! If she is willing to learn then I see no harm in helping her make her dream come true. I donít think itís fair to say that sheís not ready. I fully agree with what wild_spot said: We are never truly ready to enter the world of horse ownership. You learn things as you go along.
I had been riding for years before my parents even considered letting me have a horse, and since I had only ever ridden at riding schools, I didnít have much experience with the nitty-gritty side of horse ownership. Luckily I found someone who was willing to lease me her horse and teach me everything I needed to know about horse care, even though I was a complete novice. Perhaps you could do the same? You could let her come with you to see your horses and teach her what you know. Teach her about nutrition, handling, grooming, horse health and how to tack up so she can decide whether or not it is going to be something she is willing to try. If she does decide to go ahead and buy a horse, give her advice on what to look for. Obviously she will need an older schoolmaster that is a reasonable height for her and who has good ground manners. Suggest that she also gets a trainer or goes to lessons to build up her riding skills.
Instead of criticizing her, you need to be supportive. She is your friend after allÖ
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post #26 of 48 Old 07-05-2010, 05:07 PM
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I have to agree with everyone else. It isn't any of your business, and as hard as it may be, it's best if you just stay out of it and don't offer any advice unless they ask for it. I can't tell you how many times I've had to bite my tongue when I see people doing something stupid with their horse. Giving advice where it isn't wanted won't do anyone any good, and can sometimes even have the opposite affect.

"A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write, if he is ultimately to be at peace with himself.
What a man can be, he must be.
" Abraham Maslow, 1968
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post #27 of 48 Old 07-05-2010, 07:37 PM
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If you can't keep your mouth shut (and keep in mind, just because your friend is not knowledgeable about horsecare does not mean her parents are not planning to help out) then I would approach her this way:

Tell her about how you messed up. Tell her how you used to think you knew what you were doing and because you were overconfident and did not listen to the wise people in your life who tried to give you advice you almost ruined your horse and ruined your self confidence.

Tell her how hurt you were by your experiences and that the motivation for speaking to her now is to help her avoid making the bad mistakes you made in the past.

That way you are not coming from a condescending point of view as if you know all and she is an ignorant little thing. Leave behind any sense that you know better than her, and just speak from your experiences.

ETA: By the way, even this approach probably wont work because most people do not want to hear advice they haven't asked for, but it is your best hope to get her to hear you. After having that heart to heart with her, I'd drop the subject, unless you want to risk losing her as a friend.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Speed Racer View Post
All horse people are crazy, but some of us are higher functioning than others.
http://crazychicknlady.livejournal.com/

Last edited by AlmostThere; 07-05-2010 at 07:40 PM.
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post #28 of 48 Old 07-05-2010, 07:54 PM
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MY best suggestion would be to at first advise her on what to do. If she doesn't take your advice, do your best to help her and monitor her for her safety and the horse's as well.
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post #29 of 48 Old 07-05-2010, 08:58 PM Thread Starter
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Thanks for the advice, I offered her my help whenever she needs it and she can borrow my stuff as long as she puts it back Ė so one of us does... Iím known for leaving it everywhere. She seems really willing for my help now J she actually offered me to come with her to try horses with her and ride them too to see what I think.

Sir Success. Eventer.
2000 - 2013,
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post #30 of 48 Old 07-05-2010, 09:02 PM
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I would recommend that. She'll probably manage with a good horse, but if she gets the wrong kind of horse it'll just be trouble trouble trouble.
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