Things that sound strange to non-horse ppl.

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Things that sound strange to non-horse ppl.

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  • Things horse say that sound dirty
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    08-19-2009, 06:56 PM
Green Broke
Things that sound strange to non-horse ppl.

Do you like my breast collar?
His sheath was really dirty, but I cleaned it.
In the winter, his Ass gets really hairy.
Don't jump on him, sit down gently.
What a lovely Jackass!
She wants to breed to my stud.
There's nothing like 17 hands between you legs!
Can I pet your Ass?
He had a bad attitude, so we castrated him.
He's got a lot of stamina, you can ride him all day long.
Is she a maiden?
I wanted to breed to her stud, but he's all booked this season.
You can come when we do the breeding.
He's really good at walking and pooping at the same time.
He didn't try to run away when we drove the nails in.
He broke his leg, so they shot him.
She bites her baby if it behaves badly.
She's on a new diet, she's only eating grass.
She just got a new rack.
If he's not good, just grab his lip and twist it.
When I'm done riding him, you can have a turn.
They cut his toe shorter and he walks better now.
If her baby nurses too hard she bites it.
He's much better if you ride him with a crop.
I jumped 4 feet high yesterday.
She's got a really nice, big, square butt.
What color are her gums?
The mother is black and the father is white, and the baby came out black and white spotted.
Don't worry, it's normal for his mouth to foam.
All of her babies have been sold overseas.
I know she's going to have a baby soon because her butt is soft.
Her baby started walking about 20 minutes after birth.
Her body was covered in 4-inch long hair, but I clipped it off.
He has trouble mounting her because she's so tall.
She likes to roll in the dirt after her bath.
He has 64 babies.
He goes outside in just a blanket.
He was about 6 months old when we branded him.
I have to use a stool to mount him.
If he's spilling his food on the ground, he might need a dentist.
I was listening to his gut sounds last night...
One testicle is visible, but I can't even feel the other one.
I rode him a bit too hard yesterday, now his legs are stiff.
I can't even touch her when she's in heat.
I gave him a smack and he straightened out.
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    08-19-2009, 09:25 PM
Hahahah that's like 50 things not to say outside of a barn. Me and my best friend were in Wal Mart one night, it was probably 9:00 and we were exhausted from teaching lessons all day. We were dirty in our jeans and boots getting dinner and we were in the pantie section buying socks and talking about the two little girls who where scared to death of loping and she goes:

"Cassandra* just can't lope on Flyer... She can't do it..."

"I know, I saw. She's scared to death..." I replied.

"She hunches her back when he starts, and digs her heels into his ribs. She can't rock with his rythm at all. I told her to sit deep and rock with her pelvis, but she just screamed..."

I didn't realize that almost everyone in the ladies section was staring, WIDE EYED at us. We left the store laughing our asses of. Without socks.

Hahahaha At least we had our warm dinner.
    08-19-2009, 10:02 PM
Oh man both of the above posts are great!!
    08-20-2009, 12:07 PM
Green Broke
    08-21-2009, 02:00 PM
LMAO The first two posts are great. So much win.

I was talking to my friend at school a couple years ago (who was the only other horse person there besides me) and I said something along the lines of "He's much calmer when we ride bareback". Everyone was staring with their eyes popped out and their jaws dropped. And we both just started laughing.
    08-23-2009, 01:12 PM
Hahahahaha so so true.
    08-23-2009, 04:01 PM
Green Broke
Hahaha, another one is,

The harder I squeeze, the faster he'll go!

    08-23-2009, 11:46 PM
    08-24-2009, 01:54 AM
Hilarious hahaha
    08-26-2009, 01:11 AM
He likes it when I yell at him to go faster.

Sometimes I have to yell "Get up!" to get him to pay attention.

That one has a nice, smooth rack.

*walk out of a hardware store carrying measured lengths of chain and electrical tape and see what kind of looks you get! LOL*

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