Thinking about selling my horse- help please ):
I'm horrified by the prospect and I love him so much, but I have been considering of late selling my beloved gelding.
I've only had him for half a year, but I'm just not sure if it is better in the long run, for me or him, to stick it out.
First of all, he's my first ever horse, and I'm fifteen years old. Previous to buying him, I did two and a half years of fortnightly lessons, and I thought I was a pretty slick rider (not so much). He was advertised, by the people who owned the horse riding place I did lessons at, as the perfect horse for me. I was super excited and I just jumped at the chance of buying this horse because he seemed spectacular- i'd ridden him a few times and he could jump the moon.
I didn't have a saddle and I'd ridden bareback like, one or two times, so I think as soon as I got him we were off on the wrong foot, not to mention, little did I know, he had a history of bucking off girls (for a good reason).
We had a trial period because I wasn't completely stupid, and within the first week he bolted on me and ran me into a tree, which sucked, but I went through with the purchase anyway.
I brought a second hand saddle that I thought would fit him and rode him in that for a while, which was when the bucking started. Not around home, he never ever bucked around home, but whenever I went to pony club he'd do massive bucks and bolt frequently. I'm not the kind of person who ever gives up or is easily intimidated, so while a slightly more sane person would have just decided then and there that actually, this horse isn't right, I continued on.
Eventually I decided it might be the saddle and started riding him bareback. I got a saddle fitter in and she was utterly appalled by his back- made me notice the atrocity that is the high heel on his back foot. That's been filed down a little which is good, but I literally had no idea. Completely clueless.
I just thought he was bony but he's pretty much got no topline and everyone's like 99% sure most of his owners before me have had terrible, cheap saddles on him with thick pads, and when he started to show he's in pain, sold him when he bucked to gullible people like me. I know a girl who use to own him and she's literally been put off for life because my boy was utterly terrible for her.
So I've ridden him mostly bareback for about 6 months now, and I finally got a saddle the other day that fits, but I'm just getting beyond it. When I brought him I had no idea, and I love him so much, but I'm starting to think he'd be better off with someone who's willing to put more effort into him, because my budget is just so minuscule. He's a lovely boy with the sweetest nature and hasn't bucked in a long long time and everyone talks about how well I ride him, and how good our bond is, but I just get so upset because I feel like I should be doing more, and I can't trust him much because just when I do I get injured again. He's older, I got told 14 but the other day someone said more like 18, which again is so irritating that I was completely misled, but he's still incredibly talented and should be out show jumping (seriously, point him at a jump and he'll fly over it, no matter how big or scary). Not to mention I'm still not the best rider out there and he's still a big horse (16.3, and solidly built) that gets hot at times because I can't afford feed so he's been on grass. I just feel like I can't do anything with him, and that he doesn't even want to be with me anymore.
So after this grand spiel which I'm hoping most people will skip through, I'd like opinions. To sell or not to sell? I'm heart broken at the thought of losing him but I'm just so over it all at the same time.