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"A trainer won't help your confidence"...?

6K views 83 replies 21 participants last post by  jannette 
#1 ·
http://www.horseforum.com/horse-talk/i-feel-done-i-just-dont-94913/

http://www.horseforum.com/horse-talk/one-last-shot-need-some-advice-96250/

Basically, because I don't feel like explaining everything AGAIN, if anyone is interested, there are my last two threads on this same subject.

Basically, I have very poor confidence and am considering whether or not to sell my horse. Before I do, I really wanted to get lessons from a good trainer to try and work through my issues so that I won't have to sell my lovely horse.

I finally spoke to my dad, told him I had the trainer's number, and he said I could try her, but that she wouldn't be able to do much for my fear. He said that it was up to me to overcome this mental block and get myself over being scared and unconfident.

I was so sure I was going to take lessons and that she would help me and I would get over my confidence problems...and now, after what dad said, I'm not so sure. I know that I am definitely not going to be able to do anything by myself, as it already has been that I go out day after day and only get worse and worse, but I'm kind of starting to believe him. Is it true that the trainer will be unable to help me? Is this confidence something you can't be taught? If that's the case, then I should just sell now, and stop riding altogether because I'm not brave enough.

And now I'm nervous about calling the trainer. It's been over a week since I've last rode my horse...there's no point keeping her when I can't ride her or provide her with a strong leader. She deserves better.
 
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#3 ·
I finally spoke to my dad, told him I had the trainer's number, and he said I could try her, but that she wouldn't be able to do much for my fear. He said that it was up to me to overcome this mental block and get myself over being scared and unconfident.

I was so sure I was going to take lessons and that she would help me and I would get over my confidence problems...and now, after what dad said, I'm not so sure. I know that I am definitely not going to be able to do anything by myself, as it already has been that I go out day after day and only get worse and worse, but I'm kind of starting to believe him. Is it true that the trainer will be unable to help me? Is this confidence something you can't be taught? If that's the case, then I should just sell now, and stop riding altogether because I'm not brave enough.

And now I'm nervous about calling the trainer. It's been over a week since I've last rode my horse...there's no point keeping her when I can't ride her or provide her with a strong leader. She deserves better.
Call the trainer. Your dad is correct but he left out a critical piece of advice. The trainer won't do it - YOU will help YOU get over the issues but s/he will be able to point you in the right direction.

It might not take one lesson, might not take a month but it certainly can happen! A good trainer will help you piece things together.
 
#4 ·
A trainer should be able to help you through that, and tell you what you do when your horse does something and how to handle situations. What are you exactly scared of when youre riding? falling off? maybe learning how to do groundwork and get respect from the horse on the ground would help build your confidence in the saddle?
 
#6 ·
It depends on the trainer. I'd like to say all will help with that but its not true. Unfortunately to be a trainer a person doesn't really need to prove any people skills, and one person will teach something differently to another. I trainer who specialises in young horses, or dressage or something might not be as good for you as someone who focuses on teaching people rather than teaching concrete information.

But there are many trainers out there who can help you get better. There is a mental block that you need to get past but you don't know how to do that, no one expects you to know something you have never done. That is why you get help so you are taught things to do in situations that will help you regain control and handle horses safely and effectively.

Explain to your father that you don't know how to get better at something you have never done, and you need someone to teach you.
 
#7 ·
The RIGHT coach will help, the wrong one will make it worse.

What you need is not so much a coach that can teach you how to ride with extensive knowledge in riding but one that can inspire courage in you.

Only you can make that leap but the right coach can shorten the distance from one ledge to the next.
 
#8 ·
The good trainer helps. Really. Another thing to consider you may ask trainer to ride first half of the lesson with you riding 2nd half (if it's a private lesson, of course, and trainer is OK about it).
 
#9 ·
I had the same problem once upon a time. A good trainer can make a world of difference.

Once you get confident enough to ride without your trainer around, you need to ride often. That is the thing IMO that helps the most.
 
#10 ·
I agree with the rest. Its not easy and will not be easy to relax. But with someone there to encourage you and help you, will make all the difference. And it makes a big difference when its the right person helping. What else do you have to do but ask for help from someone? It will only take time but if you are willing to work hard you can grow from this and learn what to do in a situation that makes you feel uncomfortable. Good luck.
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#11 ·
Hi!

Alwaysbehind referred me to this thread.

I want to tell you about my experience which is going on RIGHT NOW, about working with a trainer and gaining confidence. :)

I adopted a rescue horse in January who had BIG TIME issues with a lot of things, including gear (bits, saddles, etc.) I worked with a saddle fitter. I did ground work with him from Jan to about June and finally rode him in the round pen a few times. After that I was forced to move him to a boarding stable, so I took it all very slowly. We were doing great, and the fitter came out for one last look to make sure everything was fine. BOOM, bucking bronco. It was totally unexpected and the first time he ever acted even remotely dangerous.

You can bet it scared the bejeezus out of me. At the advice of the lovely ladies of this forum I hired a trainer. I was 100% honest about my fear issues. I have been working with her for weeks and we've come a LONG way. I was honestly too afraid to even get on him for a few weeks. My trainer rode him...so yeah. :) Now we're doing a lot of trot work, inside and outside, bending, etc. I took him on a trial 'walk' this weekend, where I led him with two other horses that were being ridden. I think he would have been fine if I would have ridden.

PM me if you want to pick my brain or anything.
I think it was the best thing I could have done for me AND my horse. :)

I hope to be on the trail by the end of fall or next spring.
 
#12 ·
I agree with the others. A good trainer can give you the tools you need to work through the fear. They will also be able to help you not pass that fear on to your horse. No they can't reach into your brain and take it away, but they certainly can point you in the right direction and even hold your hand if necessary to help you get past it and back into enjoying your horse.
 
#13 ·
At this point I am a little nervous of what the trainer will say when I call her. What if she's too busy? What if she doesn't offer lessons at all? What if she says the same thing as dad? She's a really really good trainer and rider, and I want so badly to learn from her; I'm just scared of rejection because then it will for sure be the end and I will have no choice but to sell. I know that if I never try then I'll never know, but somehow in my brain, I'm telling myself that maybe it's better not knowing. I'm so nervous about calling her 'cause I have no idea what sort of response I'm going to get.

I'm just a shy and nervous person. I sort of anger myself at times.
 
#14 ·
You've already set yourself up for defeat before you've started, with that attitude.

You won't know anything until you actually CALL the trainer. If you're going to talk yourself out of even doing that, then yes, you'll never overcome your issues and you should get out of horses completely.
 
#15 ·
The worst thing she can tell you is no, she doesn't do lessons. But I'd be inclined to think she could give you some leads on people to contact if she can't help. What have you really got to lose? If she can't help you, then she can't help you, but you will never know until you muster up the nerve to give her a call.
 
#16 ·
I agree with Speed. You won't know until you make the call. Even if this trainer doesn't help maybe they can point you in the direction of someone who can. Don't talk yourself out of it because you will never get anywhere with that attitude. You will loose out in many situations in life if you doubt everything like that.
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#17 ·
You'll find that most trainers are pretty kind and understanding.
They also want your money...you are paying them for a service.
To be rude is not a good idea for a trainer, as much of it is word of mouth.
 
#18 ·
No trainer can help your fears. you have to get over them on you own! It is a long hard thing to do but it is so Amazzzing when you have the confidence back!
You sound like me. Only 4 months ago did i make my mined up to overcome. I had been on a horse that bucked me off, and another that almost kicked me in the head!
i was so scared to even go around him. And I rode this horse who bucked when you lope her! i was so scared to lope. i would get shaky unable to do what i wanted to do. I moved and got a horse. She was as sweet at anything. But there was only one thing i wanted to do. RUN!!!! One day when i went out to ride .i was trotting. And horse knew it was time for me. She took off in a lope. And that day changed me. Now i am ridding bear back in a run and training horses. Please what ever you do don't give up!!!!!!!!!! Put your mined to do what you want to do Don't let fear control you!!!!! And don't sell your horse!
 
#20 ·
i was not confident with my horse so i sent her to training..she came back and i still couldnt make her do all what i wanted my confidence took nose dive....(i just got back into riding after 20yrs) so from advice from, well this sight and the people who run our local feed store i found a trainer for me...you may want to shop around when looking for a trainer...make sure he/she fits you, and the way u learn but YES from experience it makes a world of differance...when u are confident your horse will trust u and then follow u your direction....also when i 1st started back out riding i began in the round pen....i know that helped me feel confortable....dont give up once your there you'll be soooo happy u wont regret it
 
#21 ·
A trainer can absolutely help!!! :) you're not the first to be fearful and intimidated by these rather large majestic creatures! ;) most trainers have dealt with that fear and can help you get the skills you need to overcome it.

When I first got Sandie she bolted from everything, I was so afraid to even sit on her back and wondered if I was stupid to have bought a horse! Now almost 3 years later with the help of great friends and trainers, we're Eventing, arguably the craziest of the disciplines! ;) you'll get there with time and trust, but you'll get there faster with the help of a good trainer for sure!
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#27 ·
Can you get your mother to drive you over there?
If your dad will not drive you over there how are you going to work with this trainer?




Have your list of things written out before you call. What you want to say, what you want to know, what you want to accomplish. That way you will not forget anything when you are on the phone.
If this trainer can not be bothered to put up with you babbling on the phone asking questions she is most certainly not the trainer you want to train with at this point.

It is important that you explain that you are not just looking for a trainer, you are looking for someone to help you with your confidence issues.
 
#25 ·
Just keep trying. If she is like a lot of us horse people, she spends all day in the barn, comes in at dark, too tired to return calls. It may take you a few days to reach her. In the meantime, use the internet to search for other stables in your area and read up on some other local trainers. It may be that you find someone besides this one trainer that can help you.
 
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