Training a little donkey to attack - Page 2

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Training a little donkey to attack

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    08-28-2011, 01:00 PM
Originally Posted by AmazinCaucasian    
So anyone know where I can git some donkey insurance?
I heard that the Ass-urance Co of America may be able to help.
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    08-28-2011, 01:43 PM
Green Broke
Wow, what an imagination. I was seriously getting heated when I first read this.
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Wheatermay likes this.
    08-28-2011, 01:44 PM
Green Broke
I was too! I was like.. .Who? What? Ohh... lol
    08-28-2011, 03:12 PM
Great idea! I bet you could make Millions, as a "hit donkey". 20K to take him to your ex's house, and turn him loose.
First wash you dog, then bottle stinky dog water. Stalk intended evil ex, "bump into them" spray with stinky dog water. Turn doggy hating donkey loose.
Should above idea work, I expect a 20% royalty for my idea!
    08-28-2011, 11:15 PM
Super Moderator
I seen a lot of people have ass attacks!!

Personally, after having seen your ass...I don't think he is up to the job

I remember when you tried to get him to pull that cart full of feed bags and he proved such a wimp!!

HOWEVER, if you do manage to train him to be vicious, don't forget to post warning signs....

palominolover likes this.
    08-30-2011, 11:55 PM
Attack Jack update!!!!

After our episode Sunday we came home to re-group. I jumped attackjack out of the truck bed and tied him to the rearview mirror. Went inside to get some peanut brittle and Mountain Dew(attackjack loves it). As we were enjoying our mid-afternoon snack, I got a call from the city police station inviting me to NOT bring my donkey inside city limits ever.

So we're workin' over this bag of peanut brittle and I hear horses coming up the road. It's my neighbor and her riding buddy. Let me describe my neighbor.....She's a middle-aged caucasian which stands about 6'2 and her conformation is similar to a weeble-wobble (you know, weeble-wobble that won't turn over). She's usually dressed in a purple sweatsuit and it looks like Barney the cartoon dinosaur. Like her belly just kinda swims around her when she walks. She rides a 13 hand starve-gutted buckskin mare that's always in heat. When I see her comin', I always think she should get off and let the horse ride awhile. Her riding partner is about 5'2 and weighs 20 pounds. I call her "Anorexia Amber" So Amy rides an enormous gray gelding with a very strong flight instinct. Amber calls him "spirited", but that's just her way of saying he's a RUNAWAY! All four legs are permanently scarred and calcified from running through fences. He's equally lame on a four legs, so he travels sound.

    08-31-2011, 12:37 AM
So they ride up to the house to say hi. I notice "Barney" has a little yipyip dog on the saddle with her. It was one of those skillet-face Pekineese little dogs. Never stops barking. Nobody will go to their house because of this dog. So they stop and get off their horses to visit. Barney TIES THE DOG TO THE SADDLE HORN!!! With about a 10 foot rope I might add.

Knowing that a wreck was imminent, I asked Anorexic Amber if she needed to borrow my pistol to stop her horse in case he decided to perform one of his famous high-speed evacuations. She didn't laugh. Needless to say, the lap-dog-tied-to-the-saddle-horn idea soon turned ugly. The energetic little dog ran around and around the little mare's hind legs until he ran out of rope. The mare realized she was fouled and the wreck began. She kicked up with both back feet and bounced the dog into the air. But he was wrapped good and came hard right back into her legs. This began a horrible sequence. Every time the horse kicked, the dog sprung back and hit the back of her legs. Soon the mare was kicking at the speed of about 4 beats per second. It looked like the toy I used to have as a kid that was a wooden paddle with an elastic string and rubber ball.

Attack Jack had behaved pretty well till this point. But he does like action. He pulled hard on the lead rope and the rearview mirror failed. When I realized he was loose, I knew what he was going to do next. So I did some quick thinking and figgered I could take advantage of the situation since he was going to attack anyway. If I gave him the cue at the right time, he'd understand. So right before he nailed the dog, I yelled "ATTACK"!!!

    08-31-2011, 01:02 AM
Attack Jack's first initial strike was a spectacular leap and mid-air pit-bull-style grab on the pup. For an instant, he was in mid-air with the dog in his mouth, swinging from the mare's hind legs as she kicked. Soon the dog collar broke and the pooch was free. But not for long! As the little dog scrambled for freedom, the donkey pounced at him like a cheetah. He didn't stop until the dog quit moving. I was both sad and proud at the same time.

As we turned our attention from the dog, we noticed the mare was still fouled. She was free from the puppy, but the rope was wrapped tight. And she was fighting too violently for us to run in and cut the rope. Soon she tripped and fell on her side. Donkeys are opportunistic creatures, and attack jack knew what he needed to do next. He had that ole mare bred before we could stop him. Bred her laying flat on her side with her back legs hobbled together against her will.

In the meantime, the big runaway gelding had lost his mind and ran off, busted through the , out the other side, crashed a fence and got tangled in 4 strands of gaucho wire. As I led my donkey back to the pasture, I heard Anorexia Amber yell, "Hey, you still got that pistol?"

He looks proud of himself, huh?
    08-31-2011, 01:14 AM
LOL you had me going for a moment
    08-31-2011, 01:16 AM
Haha, that's really my donkey in the vid though

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