Trying out possible "new" lease today; panicking!
 
 

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Trying out possible "new" lease today; panicking!

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    • 3 Post By skiafoxmorgan
    • 1 Post By MyQHBooger428
    • 2 Post By horselessmom
    • 2 Post By tinyliny
    • 1 Post By Regula
    • 1 Post By Atomicodyssey
    • 5 Post By Amba1027

     
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        07-06-2014, 11:37 AM
      #1
    Yearling
    Trying out possible "new" lease today; panicking!

    This evening I am going to try out a horse to see if I want to lease her, and I am really starting to panic about it. The reason being is that I used to own this horse. A bit of backstory about me and Lola:

    My parents got Lola for me when I was a teenager but due to the fact that we didn't have any clue about actually owning a horse, and the fact that those who should've guided us took advantage of our lack of knowledge, it was a rough road. In the end, we sold her because I had major issues with depression, anxiety, and OCD. It became extremely difficult for me to leave the house, so if it wasn't absolutely required that I go somewhere (like school) I didn't. As painful as it was to decide to give Lola up, I knew I couldn't keep her when I couldn't bring myself to leave the house to go ride her. Having to give her up has always been my biggest regret. I often wish things had turned out differently. We sold her to a guy who had been my riding instructor when I got her. He helped my parents find Lola for me and had always said if I ever wanted to sell, he would buy her. I knew he intended to fix her up some and sell her to someone else, which is sort of what happened. He had a woman at his barn start working with Lola, and after a short time she decided she wanted to buy Lola herself. She did, and now 10 years later she still owns Lola.

    A few years ago I discovered that we had some mutual facebook friends, which caused something about her to show up on my feed. I considered contacting her but didn't want to seem like one of those crazy pushy people who thinks they still have rights to a horse they no longer own. I thought about contacting her a few other times but I always pushed it aside. About a week ago one of my friends shared a post that Lola's owner posted. It was about the fact that the people she'd gotten Lola from (my old instructor that I'd sold her to) were just bad people (which they really are, but that's a story for another time). After reading that I decided to grow a pair and contact her. I wrote a short message letting her know that I'd used to own Lola and that I'd always regretted selling her but that seeing that she had a good home made me regret it a little less. We started talking. She was interested in knowing about Lola's past, and she told me about how things have gone for her for the past 10 years. It has been great getting to hear about how she's doing, even though it's been very tough reliving a pretty painful time in my life.

    During our conversations, Lola's owner told me she was looking for someone to lease her. I told her I'd gone back to riding a few years ago and asked if she'd be ok with me maybe leasing Lola. She agreed that would be fine, so I am going to try her out this evening.

    Now onto the point of this post. I'm panicking about this. It's probably a combination of factors. I really want this lease to work out. I've told myself I can't lease her just because I miss her. We have to be a good fit. I've got to judge her as if she was just some random horse I'd be leasing. So now I'm all worried that we won't work well together anymore. I'm worried about meeting her owner. She has been nothing but nice in all of our conversations so I have no reason to believe she'll be any different when we meet in person. But this is one of my things. I have a bit of social phobia so I get all irrational about meeting new people and interacting with people. I get worried that they'll think badly of me or that I'll make a fool of myself. I think mostly I'm worried I won't ride Lola well and her owner will look at me and think, "Yeah right. You suck at riding. No way are you leasing my horse."

    So, anyway. I'm freaking out majorly. Anyone have any calming words or advice?
         
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        07-06-2014, 01:52 PM
      #2
    Weanling
    JUst go. Smile at yourself the whole way there. Have few expectations of how things are SUPPOSED to be, and accept the way things are. Have a sense of humor. And there's this: My first horse was given to friends of mine. I told them I would never ask for him back, but if they couldn't keep him, I'd take him. They kept him. I was the last person to ride him before he died. I hadn't ridden him or seen him in ten years, and when I walked into the paddock, he walked right up to me. They offered me a saddle, and I turned it down, instead jumping right up on him like no time at all had passed. He still moved the same, still spooked the same, still responded to aids the same.

    This is not to say this is how Lola will be, but take heart. Don't panic. And be so happy for a second chance to ride her and spend time with her. Bandit was put to sleep a week after I rode him. We discovered he had a brain tumor that was causing seizures, and it was so much kinder to put him down.

    Congratulations on your second chance. Rejoice. Don't be afraid.
         
        07-06-2014, 07:06 PM
      #3
    Foal
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by skiafoxmorgan    
    JUst go. Smile at yourself the whole way there. Have few expectations of how things are SUPPOSED to be, and accept the way things are. Have a sense of humor. And there's this: My first horse was given to friends of mine. I told them I would never ask for him back, but if they couldn't keep him, I'd take him. They kept him. I was the last person to ride him before he died. I hadn't ridden him or seen him in ten years, and when I walked into the paddock, he walked right up to me. They offered me a saddle, and I turned it down, instead jumping right up on him like no time at all had passed. He still moved the same, still spooked the same, still responded to aids the same.

    This is not to say this is how Lola will be, but take heart. Don't panic. And be so happy for a second chance to ride her and spend time with her. Bandit was put to sleep a week after I rode him. We discovered he had a brain tumor that was causing seizures, and it was so much kinder to put him down.

    Congratulations on your second chance. Rejoice. Don't be afraid.
    ^^^
    What they said. Go and have fun. Don't get yourself worked up. I had the opportunity to lease a horse I used to own. I was nervous about it at first but then once I got there and got to ride her again things were great I got a great few months with her. Unfortunately the people who owned her sold her out from under me. Which is a loooong story.
    I have never regretted leasing her for those months. I hold those wonderful memories with me. If all works out well don't pass it up. That's just my two cents
    Posted via Mobile Device
    horselessmom likes this.
         
        07-07-2014, 01:33 AM
      #4
    Foal
    Hugs. You are a sensitive, considerate, aware person--this is quite obvious from your post. You've acted with maturity and respect. This is such a big moment--seeing Lola again, and wanting / needing it all to work out, both with her and with her new owner. I'm sure there are so many emotions, and those who don't have anxiety issues might not understand that it isn't easy to just turn the worries off.

    She seems like a nice owner for Lola, who wants to do the best for her horse.

    Try to think positively. It will all work out for the best. Some things are meant to happen, and some are not. Go with the flow. You know the saying, "Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."

    People who matter don't judge. If your riding is not what she wants for Lola (and Lola's well being will be her first priority) she is not going to think badly about you, and you shouldn't think badly about yourself either. Try to be kind to yourself, just as you would be kind to someone else who wanted to lease your horse but didn't ride well.

    Don't try to hide the fact that you are nervous. It is okay to be nervous. Let her know. Most people in your situation would be at least somewhat nervous. Most people will understand and be understanding.

    Best of luck!
    Wallaby and zookeeper1991 like this.
         
        07-07-2014, 02:11 AM
      #5
    Super Moderator
    You are going to feeel strongly and worry to much no matter what anyone says. You know yourself, and you know you probably will. Best to just accept that.

    However, as words of encouragement, just remember, plain and simply, things are almost never as bad as we worry they'll be. Almost never. Our imagination usually outstrips even bad realities.
    redpony and horselessmom like this.
         
        07-07-2014, 02:59 AM
      #6
    Weanling
    Trust me, as a horse owner who has tried leasing her horse out before, I would have been thrilled to find someone who is responsible, caring and kind like it sounds you are.
    It's not easy to find someone who's willing to commit to spending time on horse care (yes, even in bad weather) rather than just having a little bit of riding fun.
    Posted via Mobile Device
    horselessmom likes this.
         
        07-07-2014, 03:22 AM
      #7
    Weanling
    As you know, your old trainer is shady. He purposely pushed a horse on inexperienced people he knew couldn't handle (but pay for) and that he would end up with and sell. Don't stress. Look at it as if she were any horse you were considering leasing, forget the past. Make sure she is a good fit, if not there are other horses. If you are feeling nostalgic the owner sounds nice enough she would allow visitation. As someone who has also dealt with depression and social anxiety... I understand. To this day I will avoid calling or speaking to anyone I don't know. I'm 25 and am a waitress where it's my job to speak to strangers! I understand the nervousness but try to look past it. Despite the fact I do feel such anxiety towards interacting I do always feel so much better after I get it over with. Let me guess you are also a worrywart? Let things build up and stress you out? Don't speak about your worries? You're not alone.
    horselessmom likes this.
         
        07-07-2014, 11:28 AM
      #8
    Yearling
    Thank you everyone, for the kind words, I didn't see most of it until I got back from the barn, but it's wonderful to se how supportive everyone is :) Everything went really well yesterday. I was nervous the whole way there but once I got to the barn and Lola's owner and I started talking, I relaxed a lot. The girl who has been riding Lola tacked her up and rode her a bit first so I could watch how she goes. Then I got on her and rode around a bit. It was amazing to ride her again :) Her owner said we looked good. I'm going to ride her again this week and if I'm still interested (which I definitely am) we'll do the lease :)
         
        07-07-2014, 05:31 PM
      #9
    Foal
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Amba1027    
    Thank you everyone, for the kind words, I didn't see most of it until I got back from the barn, but it's wonderful to se how supportive everyone is :) Everything went really well yesterday. I was nervous the whole way there but once I got to the barn and Lola's owner and I started talking, I relaxed a lot. The girl who has been riding Lola tacked her up and rode her a bit first so I could watch how she goes. Then I got on her and rode around a bit. It was amazing to ride her again :) Her owner said we looked good. I'm going to ride her again this week and if I'm still interested (which I definitely am) we'll do the lease :)
    I'm glad things went so well for you!!!! I hope you will be able to do the lease!
    Posted via Mobile Device
         

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