What would you do?? *warning long post* - Page 2
 
 

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What would you do?? *warning long post*

This is a discussion on What would you do?? *warning long post* within the Horse Talk forums, part of the Keeping and Caring for Horses category
  • How to tell my daughter we can no longer afford her pony

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    10-01-2012, 09:54 AM
  #11
Showing
Ask her straight out what she really wants and let her speak without interruption. Obviously she has a problem with your weight. Ask her why. I have a hunch this is just surface stuff and you need to get to the real issues. People often fight over money issues when it's not the real issue.
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    10-01-2012, 10:09 AM
  #12
Weanling
The bottom line here is: how much food/bedding/supplies does it take to maintain your horse at a healthy weight? How much does this cost monthly/weekly. Regardless of whether she "asked/told" you, your mother has an obligation to maintain the horse in good health while it is in her care. You agreed to contribute towards that care. So, looking at the cost of maintaining your horse, what do the above mentioned supplies cost? How much, exactly, have you been contributing? If you can't afford to pay what it takes to maintain your horse at a healthy weight and meeting its routine costs, then you need to find someone who can. It was clearly established that your mother expected you to maintain your horses needs financially, and you are falling short. The RESPONSIBLE and caring thing to do is find your horse a home, for both the horses benefit, and your mothers (it isn't okay to dump a horse on someone, not pay as agreed, and still expect to be the owner). Were the horse in your backyard, without money, or ENOUGH money contributed as needed, you'd have an unhealthy rack of bones. You are unjustly expecting your mom to cover your shortfalls. Perhaps there is more that you have not mentioned, but based on what you have already said, I think you owe it to your mother and the horse to find a home where paying its needs isn't such a burden.
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    10-01-2012, 12:21 PM
  #13
Foal
O/P sounds to me like you're stuck between a rock and a hard place. Also sounds to me like your mom is not so subtly trying to force you to give your horse to your sister. If this was me I'd do this:
1. Call a "family meeting" with your mother and perhpas your sis also. Ask them straight what their issues with you/ your horse/ your weight, etc are. Try to listen and understand.
2. If this is really how you feel, tell her straight, but try to be nice about it that you would rather sell the horse and that is she wants her $300 she's just going to have to allow you to sell the horse.
Then do a serious recalculation of your finances and decide honestly if you can afford to keep your horse somewhere else, cause It sounds to me like this arrangement with your mother isn't working out.
But I think you need to first have a heart to heart with your mother, find out what her issues are and if and how they can be resolved.
     
    10-01-2012, 12:35 PM
  #14
Banned
You don't have to sell the horse, your Mum is giving you the option for the family to keep it, and just let both your sister and you have access to it.
As you are not paying for the horse, I think this is a pretty fair deal, honestly.

Can you ask your Mum if you can work off any of the 300 you owe?

As you are not working at the moment, the only way you are able to keep this horse is because your mum is helping you, and paying for it. You don't have the income to move it to another yard, so you are reliant on your Mum. Let her hold for the horse for you, so you still have access to it, shared with your sister until you can afford to keep it yourself.

It completely sounds to me that your Mum is trying to help you stand on your own two feet, rather than just baling you out with money. And at 27 with your own child - this is totally reasonable to me.
     
    10-02-2012, 06:06 AM
  #15
Foal
Quote:
Originally Posted by wetrain17    
If your mom is holding that money over your head, then I think you're best option is to sell the horse, use that money to pay your mom back and save for a horse all on your own, no strings attached. It sounds like if you keep this horse, there will always be something she will hold over your head making it more of a hassle than it is worth. Good luck!

Even though my boyf at the time paid for the horse she wont allow me to sell till I pay back this 300 I apparently owe her, but she's not shown me anything on paper of what its ment to be for.
     
    10-02-2012, 06:10 AM
  #16
Foal
Quote:
Originally Posted by themacpack    
OP, you asked in your thread title, "what would you do" and that is exactly what the people responding to you answered with - very kindly and politely I might add - so there is no reason to respond with venom. Seeing that you are not receptive to honest assessment of the situation I am not going to waste my breath.

To be fair it was not nice to see things that personaly I took to suggesting that cause of the type of income I am on I should not have a horse and 2 that my daughter is in anyway being left out or going with out ect. Sorry I jumped to my defence but Its a TOUGH sittuation for me at the moment and I don't mean to sound ungreatfull for people taking the time to respond but as its braking my heart all this I did get a bit offended but the questions remarking my daughter and income. But thank you for taking the time to reply.
     
    10-02-2012, 06:13 AM
  #17
Foal
Quote:
Originally Posted by Saddlebag    
Ask her straight out what she really wants and let her speak without interruption. Obviously she has a problem with your weight. Ask her why. I have a hunch this is just surface stuff and you need to get to the real issues. People often fight over money issues when it's not the real issue.

Have tried that in the past, she's always put me down about my weight since I was about 13-14 Im a big ish build and a size 14 but don't have a flat/tonned tummy.. But thank you for your input :)
     
    10-02-2012, 06:24 AM
  #18
Foal
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sheepdog    
O/P sounds to me like you're stuck between a rock and a hard place. Also sounds to me like your mom is not so subtly trying to force you to give your horse to your sister. If this was me I'd do this:
1. Call a "family meeting" with your mother and perhpas your sis also. Ask them straight what their issues with you/ your horse/ your weight, etc are. Try to listen and understand.
2. If this is really how you feel, tell her straight, but try to be nice about it that you would rather sell the horse and that is she wants her $300 she's just going to have to allow you to sell the horse.
Then do a serious recalculation of your finances and decide honestly if you can afford to keep your horse somewhere else, cause It sounds to me like this arrangement with your mother isn't working out.
But I think you need to first have a heart to heart with your mother, find out what her issues are and if and how they can be resolved.

Tried that and theres never a straight answer, Told my mum straight and broke down in tears over it and she don't listen. I said If I sell her you can have the money then but she wont allow me to do that (the 300 I am ment to owe is for things I didnt ask them to buy or that she didnt need ie stuff she already had and didnt need 2/3 of)

I pay all I should pay, Ie my yard rent, her feed weekly, her hay., I chip in with all work, I buy things for the yard if needed (like when we have had work done up there, or even done the work myself, like built a new storage hut for the feed ect) I pay the farrier when my horse sees him ect ect.

So its not like I expect my mum to do it all or pay it all, bear in mind my 18 year old sis don't pay anything that I pay ect.

But thank you for your response and taking the time to post it :)
     
    10-02-2012, 06:34 AM
  #19
Foal
Quote:
Originally Posted by AlexS    
You don't have to sell the horse, your Mum is giving you the option for the family to keep it, and just let both your sister and you have access to it.
As you are not paying for the horse, I think this is a pretty fair deal, honestly.

Can you ask your Mum if you can work off any of the 300 you owe?

As you are not working at the moment, the only way you are able to keep this horse is because your mum is helping you, and paying for it. You don't have the income to move it to another yard, so you are reliant on your Mum. Let her hold for the horse for you, so you still have access to it, shared with your sister until you can afford to keep it yourself.

It completely sounds to me that your Mum is trying to help you stand on your own two feet, rather than just baling you out with money. And at 27 with your own child - this is totally reasonable to me.

I do pay for my horse, My sister don't pay for hers. This money Im ment to owe my mum is for things they brought of there own back and things my horses didnt need as she already had, But I have never seen any kind of log of prices ect. I also do jobs around the yard and I also cheak on all the horses not just mine when my mum can not get up to the yard and she has 7 including my 18 year old sisters horse. Me and my partner at the time before I even got my horse was up the yard fixing all fencing and including making new fencing for the fields for her and that was before I even decided to get a horse after working out my finances. So its really not like I got a horse when I can't afford it and dumped it on my mum then left it... I pay what I should pay for my horses up keep and for what she needs ect as well as do jobs around the yard and mattinance ect. My issues is the fact my mum says im too fat all the time and wont allow me to ride my horse and the fact if I decide to sell she wont allow me cause I owe her 300 (which I don't just have sitting in my pocket) but is happy for me to just hand my horse over, Yet my sister who is old enough to work and has no kids ect don't have to pay for the up keeping of her horse only things she decideds to get her horse and even then its her boyf that pays for it. So yeh I do pay for my mare I wouldnt of got her if I couldnt pay for the basics of a horses everyday living ect. But again thank you for taking the time to respond :)
     
    10-02-2012, 06:36 AM
  #20
Foal
Also have stood on my own two feet since I moved out of home at 16... And actually I used to be the one always lending my mum money, she don't lend to me and she certainly don't give me hand outs...
     

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