What would you do?? *warning long post* - Page 6 - The Horse Forum
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post #51 of 63 Old 10-03-2012, 05:34 AM Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Kent, UK
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Originally Posted by themacpack View Post
Are you PHYSICALLY able to work more than 16 hours a week? Are you purposely avoiding exceeding the allowable hours so as to continue to receive benefits?

Yes I can and Im looking for full time work now that my daughter is at full time school. I dont want to be on benifits and now my daughter is at full time school Im looking for a job so that I can work for my money.
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post #52 of 63 Old 10-03-2012, 05:47 AM Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Kent, UK
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Originally Posted by ninjahorse View Post
Do you honestly believe you are doing the right thing by continuing to own a horse and collecting state money at the same time? Unless you are collecting for disability, I would seriously take a good long look at your judgement.

I think what your family is doing is wrong. But I wouldn't have been put in this situation anyways. I wouldn't have tolerated anyone else riding my horse. I would have demanded a key to have access to things I own. Plus, I'm not sure how things work in the UK, but if you moved out at only 16 I am assuming that you already had family issues. With that said, I wouldn't have had the horse on the property in the first place. Again, this is only answered your original question, what would I do. Oh and if I had no other option but to live on tax payers money, I would have definitely sold my Olympic level jumping horse to pay bills and do what is right...

I hope you have learned a valuable lesson from this experience and start making better decisions with your life. I have a feeling that you will feel much better once you do.

I moved out at 16 to work away as a dancer, I spent my life from 16 working full time work till I gave up work at 7 months pregnant to have my daughter. Since then I have been a single parent and went onto benifits, I currently do house partys and a rep for a company where I pay for my horse. Orriginally the partner I was with at the time was going to help with my horse and sadly things didnt work out and we split so I took on sole finacial for my horse. My benifits go on every day living, Ie shopping and everyday things and my daughter. Im looking for full time work again now because now winter is upon us i know my horse is going to need more and hence why I was taking the tough decision on selling her, But my issue was my mum not allowing me too cause of the £300 she is currently saying I owe her (again for things she brought with out my knoledge and that being things she already had so didnt need multipul of) Even though It is MY horse. I was kinda after what other people would do in that situation. Not to be judged in anyway or questioned about my life. Im greatfull for everyones input into this conversation.

YES i pay for her
YES I pay for her by rep-ing at the house partys I do for a company
YES Im looking for full time work
YES I know its in my beloved horses best intensions I sell her

I was just wondering the best way to go about it all in the situation I am in.
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post #53 of 63 Old 10-03-2012, 06:19 PM
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Mid Northern TN
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"But my issue was my mum not allowing me too cause of the £300"

I may be belaboring the point, but it is your horse. Your mom may be making things difficult for you, inconvenient for you, or painful for you, but as it is your horse, she cannot 'not allow' you to sell it. She may tell you that, but it doesn't make it true.

If you have to break the door latch in the middle of the night with a rented truck and trailer and 'steal' your own horse to another facility where you can have potential buyers ride her, then that is what you may have to do. Hell, if she jumps like you say, you could just have her go over the gate instead. It's up to you- you either will have the determination to force the issue and do what needs doing, or you won't.
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post #54 of 63 Old 10-03-2012, 10:58 PM
Green Broke
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: south of nowhere, north of nothing
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bolt cutters and a replacement lock so she cant get mad for damaged property.

get your things and move.

easy as that. it doesnt matter if its family or what. thats your horse, your property and she really has no right to it.

i can get that you may be reluctant....family and all

but its YOUR property and its a business problem you have with her now, just like every other BO or boarder in a situation similar....not family right now.

*Insert something witty*
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post #55 of 63 Old 10-04-2012, 03:34 AM
Join Date: Jul 2010
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I'm confused about a few things:
1. It's your horse, how can your mother refuse to let you ride it?
2. It's your horse, how can your mother refuse access to it? You need a key!

With her attitude, I realize that it would be difficult to sell the horse (how would you show it to potential buyers?) BUT...he's doing xc, 6ft. jumps and dressage...Somebody besides your family must be aware of him?

Your mom obviously wants the horse, or she'd be more open to you selling him and repaying the money. Can you not find someone to loan you the 300 until you sell him and then can repay the money? This money seems to be the sticking point. Once you pay your mom, she has no more say in the issue as long as you stay out of debt with her. Then sell the horse!!! OR...let her have it, (it cost you nothing) walk away and take it as a valuable lesson learned: Don't ever put a horse with family again!!!

The whole situation with your mom and sister is a side issue. You obviously have family issues. As I see it, your mom has 2 daughters: 1 is 18 and in college. 1 is 27, a single mother, marginally employed, and on public funds. She is critical of your weight (I'm not familiar with "stones" as a weight unit, so I'm not prepared to comment.) Weight is a very personal issue....but it would seem your mom is unhappy with you. Is she using weight as an issue, when there are other issues she isn't discussing?

At 27, you need to remove yourself from this situation. You are an adult with a child, yet your mother is treating you as a child she can control. Sell the horse or walk away from it, get better employment and stand on your own. Worrying about what your sister has is something a child does...not an adult. Get your own life in order and quit worrying about what your sister has or doesn't have. If your mom is treating you unfairly, well then she is. Face it and live with it, because at 27, it's childish to complain about it. Get on with your own life and if you have to sell the horse or let it go in order to do so....then do it. Squabbling about it isn't helping you advance yourself. As my father would say....fish or cut bait!

I'm not a complete idiot--there are parts missing!

What you have become is the price you paid to get what you used to want.

Last edited by HagonNag; 10-04-2012 at 03:36 AM.
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post #56 of 63 Old 10-04-2012, 05:21 AM
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: left of center
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I find it ridiculous, in any country, for someone to be on public assistance and be using the little $$ they have for what I would consider "luxury" extras. (horse, fancy car, fake, nails that have to be redone every month....etc). I do understand the need for an occasional "splurge", but this is ridiculous.

OP I understand that your daughter has "everything she needs", but think how much nicer it might be if some of the extra $$ you are contributing to the horse, gas to get to the yard, etc were actually spent on you and she doing things together or maybe something extra for her?

This is going to sound mean, but take it as you will. You are 27 with a child. Grow up, put your big girl panties on and put someone else before yourself for once in your life. You state repeatedly your sister is 18 and can work-what about you? You are 27 and SHOULD have been working for years now!

I am pretty sure your mom probably has her reasons and we are only getting a little piece of this story. It is also my opinion that you would be well served to go back to school, especially while you have the time and are living on assistance. SO, while looking for a job-better yourself.

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post #57 of 63 Old 10-06-2012, 03:14 AM
Join Date: Mar 2010
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Oh jeeze this thread is just too good!

I'm 18 and have lived independantly since I was 15... and magically, have never needed to be on financial assistance due to my job! I've also owned my horse since I was 14. Sure, money was tight sometimes... but always, somehow, made it work.

If someone had my legally-owned horse locked in a paddock, I would be bolt-cutting him out of there.
If the horse is actually yours you can do that- nobody can hold your animal.
If the $300 is the issue... well, leave what she purchased for your horse there. Her spending the money was her own decision, and that's no reason for her to be able to keep the horse.

Having said that, if you aren't working, you have no business owning a horse! I don't care if you 'can' afford it. The government assistance cheques truly are not there for a luxury like a horse; they're there so you're able to survive. Having a horse is more than surviving.

So my suggestion would be to move your horse to a boarding stable for as long as it takes to sell, so your potential buyers don't have to deal with the drama of your family issues when coming to see the horse. Besides, your olympic contender should be able to fetch a pretty penny. Start a savings fund with that!

...you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. ... Explore. Dream. Discover.”
–Mark Twain
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post #58 of 63 Old 10-06-2012, 03:54 AM
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If it was me I would pay the money back with a receipt. Then move YOUR horse to a different yard as soon as possible, it sounds like your mother rules your life, don't let her. To me it just sounds like there trying to get a nice "free" horse out off you
She is not in any position to "give YOU permission to sell YOUR horse

I'm sorry for the situation your in and hope it rights itself

There are only two emotions that belong in the saddle;
one is a sense of humor and the other is patience!
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post #59 of 63 Old 10-06-2012, 06:34 AM
Green Broke
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: New South Wales, Australia
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I think people are being a bit rough here.

Where she gets her money is no business of anyone else's. This is a horse forum - not a "how to live your life according to me" forum. People might throw stones at me, but I am on a government allowance (for students - pretty much all students get this in my country) and I have a horse. I work part-time as well, but, unlike many people on here, its not that easy to get regular hours sometimes. It's easy to criticise someone's financial position when you're not in it. It blows my mind how people think they should criticise someone else's choices because they're not like theirs. I know if I had a child I'd never want to work 10 hours a day. In fact many people choose not to work full time and I think that is perfectly fine. Its only really recently that full time hours has become expected of everyone. Money isn't always worth time.

To me it doesn't sound like she can't afford the horse, more like she can't afford to be spending money for something that isn't needed. The OP also sounds like she needs to grow up a bit too. You're an adult, a mother, don't let someone push you around. Owning a horse is a responsibility, much like having a child, and once you have that responsibility you have to step up. If you're experienced enough to own a horse then you know what that horse needs, and if its suitable for you regardless of what your mother says.

Work out the reasonable money owed and move your horse immediately, upon payment of your reasonable debt, then decide what you want.

Its not really a problem unless you're making it one.
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post #60 of 63 Old 10-06-2012, 10:05 AM
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Georgia USA
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It does sound more like a relationship problem than a money problem. If the mother is really controlling and divisive, then perhaps the OP needs to try to find out why. There is also the possibility that the mom is really bonded to the horse. If so, perhaps she would be willing to keep the horse and pay for all its expenses (free lease) or maybe she even wants to buy the horse.

Carpe Diem!
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