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When To Move On...

5K views 33 replies 18 participants last post by  WhattaTroublemaker 
#1 ·
Hi everyone.
I am in a really tough spot right now and I would like some advice from some unbiased strangers.

I have been given the opportunity to purchase a really nice horse with loads of potential in the show ring at a cheap price because the owner really likes me. However, a "cheap" show horse still comes with a hefty price tag, and in order to purchase that horse, I'll need to part with my old pal. I've had him for almost a decade. He is my heart horse and I love him to death. The young girl who's parents offered to buy him go to the same barn I do, so I would still be able to see him and check up on him a lot. They'd be a good fit and I have offered to help out, however I am really devastated about parting with him. The thought of it makes me choke up. :icon_frown: I go back and forth...

My sentimental heart says keep him, because I love him. He is an awesome trail partner and just a fun, easy horse to ride.
My head says sell him, this is my chance at having my own show horse, and my 5'4 stature and long legs look a little funny riding a 13 hand pony. And besides, I'll probably still get to see him. It just won't be the same.
My mom says keep him. She knows what I've been through with him, and sees how upset I get when I talk about selling him.
My fiance says sell him. He sees my dedication and time I put into horses that aren't even mine (I show other people's horses because I don't have my own), and he thinks this is my shot. He even offered to help out with the costs.

Either way I'm gonna have regret, but I know I have to choose. I can't have two horses because I know one will end up on the back burner. It sucks. :( Anybody have advice for me?
 
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#2 ·
I'm sorry if this is completely not helpful, but have you considered maybe leasing your old horse to the little girl? That way you are still his owner and can do whatever you want with him per the lease, but he won't be "put on the back burner" and you can still have your show horse. I know a lot of girls that go to college lease their horses out because they don't have time with schoolwork, maybe that is an option for you?
 
#3 ·
^^^ What Uze said.

If the young girl is at the same barn as you, you can keep an eye on his situation and, if at any point you see him being neglected or mistreated, you can take him back.

Of course, if you need the money from the sale to afford the show horse, it's a different matter.

I kinda know the feeling - I have two lease horses, and just bought a horse. One of the lease horses should technically go back now, because he's too old and arthritic to be my trail mount anymore, but I've had him for 3 years, love him to pieces, and his owner doesn't want him back, so I know what his fate would be. It's definitely tough, but you have to think about yourself. I'm happy to let this lease horse go on the backburner and get fat in a paddock, because I despise the alternative, BUT I can't really afford it if his arthritis worsens. My future is in trail riding, not in spending all my money on a horse in pain, so the decision would be fairly clear.

For you, your future is in showing, not in plodding around on a pony. If it's a black and white matter of sell or keep, I honestly think the answer is sell.
 
#4 ·
I think leasing would also be a good option for you. This way, you can still have 'both' horses. If that's not an option or one you want to take, I guess moving on may have to be your decision...but it's up to you. Really need to weigh the pros & cons. If you have the potential which it seems like you do, shoot for the stars & buy the show horse!
I still think leasing your other horse would be good though. This way you'll still 'have' him, but someone else can still work with him when you can't.
 
#5 ·
Thanks all, you presented some things to think about. I also had hoped a lease would work out, that would be a perfect situation for me. I offered a free lease to the parents, but they want her to be able to have "her own" pony, which I do understand. She rides Spec a lot, and really likes him. (sorry, I should have included that detail in my original post). The $ from selling would be helpful, although not absolutely necessary. I had a similar opportunity before, which I turned down because I couldn't part with him. I guess I'm having a hard time coming to terms. :neutral: I have time to think, because the owner of the show horse doesn't plan on selling unless I take her. And the potential pony buyers are friends of mine who pretty much don't want any other pony but him. They even told me I can ride him whenever I want to keep him tuned up for their daughter.
I just really don't want to be stuck with a horse that I can't ride around bareback in a halter and take out on trails. As much as I enjoy competing, horses are also my relaxation. The horse I am looking at is almost four years old and has 160 days on her. She has a great gentle personality, very well behaved in the show ring, quick learner, has a cute curiosity about her, she's basically perfect. But she hasn't had hardly any experience outside the arena. I know with time it'll come, but I also know all the work it's gonna take to get her to the point where she's versatile and a lot of "fun" like my old boy is. :icon_rolleyes:
 
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#18 ·
Thanks all, you presented some things to think about. I also had hoped a lease would work out, that would be a perfect situation for me. I offered a free lease to the parents, but they want her to be able to have "her own" pony, which I do understand.
Have you tried explaining that as a free lease, he is her "own pony" and all leasing means is that when the time comes and she outgrows him and is ready to move on, he comes back to you?
 
#6 ·
Many MANY years ago, I was in your shoes and decided to keep my heart horse, been-there-done -that old fellow. BUT--I wasn't that big into showing. Showing was fun for me, but at the end of the day, I didn't feel as happy and satisfied after a show as I did after a fantastic trail ride. I was 16 at the time, and in 3 years I got married and had to sell my beloved pony anyway. I got him back when he was too old to ride and kept him as a pet until he died.

I think it all depends on how important showing is to you. It wasn't that important to me. On the other hand, the young horse is quite likely (and better for her if you do) going to do great in just a short time riding on trails, pulling a sleigh, running barrels. She'll probably become just as versatile as your pony, if you are that kind of rider.
 
#7 ·
You said you can't have two horses because one would be on the back burner.... but would that be so bad for a year or so? If it's cost prohibitive I totally get that, but if doable that would let you avoid a rush decision. The young girl could continue to ride the pony (sounds like she isn't going anywhere), and maybe would actually consider the lease if they know that's the only option. Doesn't sound like you need to be concerned about finding a good buyer for a nice horse like that. Anyway, I'd have a hard time letting him go too! If/when you have children he'd be perfect for them (not sure of his age or your age for that matter! so sorry to be presumptuous :) ). But I do understand the great opportunity to have your show horse. Great dilemma, really! two terrific horses
 
#11 ·
I also considered this, but board isn't cheap, and paying for two horses would probably get costly. My FH is so generous and helps me a lot with my horse dreams, but he rarely says "no" to me, so I have to say "no" to myself in order to not become a financial burden, if that makes any sense. Spec is the perfect kids horse, it would be a dream come true it if he could teach my own (future) kids how to love horses!:smile: So no, not presumptuous at all.. We're tying the knot in a year from Friday actually.. :P That is a huge, huge reason why I am so dang opposed to parting with him!
 
#8 ·
I would say sell your old chap to the little girl. It seems that you like the people and she does love your pony. You can still see him and be there to help the little girl if she runs into complications with him. Eventually you will have to move on anyway.

I bought one of my mares at the age of four with no experience with trails but she also has a kind and curious mind. She turned out just fine. Other than some bucks when asking for a canter on the very first two rides on her she has been great. I've owned her for five years now.
 
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#13 ·
You could lease the mare so it's a more binding arrangement. Put a purchase option down the road. Agree on a price that reflects her current level of training but have some way to reward the owner for working with you. You could also sell the pony but put a buyback clause in the agreement.
Yes, I will definitely put together a "right of first refusal" type contract, that way if they want to get rid of him, it's to me. :grin:
The mare's owners will consider a lease. However, I am positive I won't find a horse of this caliber that I can afford, so for the most part I think it'd be best just to get it over with before they decide to keep her :P
 
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#15 ·
@natisha, I had to sell my beloved pony because I was getting married. I was 19, my husband was 21--we were just starting out and didn't have the money to support a horse.
@Spec, here is a good way to make a terrible decision: You list all the reasons why you do want to do something on one side of the paper; then you list all the reasons why you want something else on the other side. THEN--here's the important part--you rank each reason. For example, "You love to show" That might be a 9 because that is really important or "They will take good care of my pony" You might rank that 8 or 7. "My pony is old" That might only be a 2, since he's not that old. Anyway, you add up all the numbers on both sides of the paper--whichever number adds up higher gives you your answer. THEN--if you are heartsick and super disappointed in your answer, it is time to re-rank your reasons. Read them over and decide if the numbers are really how you feel. It's a pretty good way to figure out something difficult.
 
#16 ·
I think you ought to keep him and lease him out to someone different than the little girl. Those "good as gold" kid's ponies don't come along too often, and they're SO valuable. Plus, kids' ponies get outgrown all the time. The nice beginner level pony that is perfect today is not going to be the horse that beginner needs when they move up. I can't say I trust parents who want a little kid who will inevitably outgrow the pony to have her "own" pony just for the sake of it.

If you can't lease, can you let your BO use him for lessons and have her knock some money off your board each month?
 
#19 ·
@6gun Kid Yeah I have, but since I let her ride him a lot, from their standpoint, why in the world would they want to take on vet, farrier, feed, board, etc when nothing is really gonna change? :-p Who knows. I will press it harder and see how things go.

@Mulefeather I agree with you completely, but I do know these people pretty well. If I was unsure of their intentions, this decision would be easy and he would stay with me. I'm not a person who would put a horse--especially this particular horse--in a less than ideal situation. I've heard horror stories about lesson ponies getting sour, so I am very leery with putting him in lesson program honestly. Right now I'm leaning towards keeping him and finding some wiggle room somewhere to make everything work out.

@knightrider Great idea! Doing that right now.. It's harder than it sounds :-p
 
#20 ·
I'm in the sell camp. You've already mentioned a "right of first refusal" clause. You say you feel a bit awkward on the 13hh pony. It will get put on a back burner if you keep it and buy the show horse. I didn't catch how old the pony is. If the pony is all you say it is, it deserves a young rider who will care for, and benefit from it. It shouldn't be sitting on your back burner, waiting on your future kids. By the time those kids are old enough, the one you sell to will have outgrown it.

Hope that helps some.
 
#21 ·
I have a couple of thoughts. First, all of this buying/selling stuff is between "friends". That scares me a bit. Please make sure you get a PPE on the one you are talking about buying...WITH x-rays. Secondly, there is no "buy back" that is legally binding that I am aware of. They sound all nice, and everyone agrees-now. 5 years down the road, kid has outgrown pony, wants a horse and pony is sold. You cannot control who they sell to, and, in the meantime they may have moved...etc. Which is why I did what I did with my "one I will keep forever".

I have an old guy that raised my kids and is, truly, a family pet. When the point came that he was really of no riding use to me anymore, I found a therapy program, and free leased him to them. He was there for over 5 years, I could go see him the I wanted (some will let you ride them). Then this fall they said he was done. So I went, picked him up and brought him home. But-he was off my payroll, so to speak, for 5 years. They paid for vet, farrier, etc. I did pay supplements and bought him blankets, since I like them "just so". If I were you I would look into it and see if there are any near you.......mention it around the barn, and who knows-maybe little girls parents will decide to free lease.......if not you have another option.
 
#22 ·
That's a legitimate concern. I was definitely planning on having a thorough PPE with radiographs/bloodwork done. :grin: I have not been in contact with the mare's owner or the pony buyers in a couple days so I can make a sound decision.
I know a "right of first refusal" is a legal thing in the real estate world... But I'm no expert. I'd guess it'd just have to be a trust thing.
As for the therapy program, I would love to do that! I do not know of any in my immediate area but I will double check.
 
#23 ·
If the people with the kid bought the pony they'd have all those bills anyway without the advantage of ending the lease when the pony no longer suited them. They couldn't just give him back but would have to decide what to do with him.
Unless the plan on moving or doing something with him that they think you may not like I don't see why actually owning him is important to them.

You can write a lease to include or exclude anything you want. For example, you could pay for routine vet care.
 
#24 ·
If they have the attitude of "why buy the cow when the milk is for free" then just tell them you are going to find someone to lease him and you will give them first dibs with the understanding that if someone else is paying for his care then he won't be available for the little girl to ride him anymore. And then advertise him for lease.

The idea about him being a lesson pony in trade for board isn't a bad one either.
 
#26 ·
If they have the attitude of "why buy the cow when the milk is for free" then just tell them you are going to find someone to lease him and you will give them first dibs with the understanding that if someone else is paying for his care then he won't be available for the little girl to ride him anymore. And then advertise him for lease.
Yes - that -
I was trying to think of some way to say that.
 
#27 ·
Really, Elkdog? We're talking about a pony whose owner has outgrown it. According to the OP, the pony is well trained, and well behaved. This pony has an opportunity now to continue a life that it is well suited for with another child who will care for, love, and ride it. Sold out for some ribbons? Please.
 
#29 ·
@elkdog I am a great friend, actually. I take excellent care of my boy, it shows in his gentle nature and the way he runs up to the gate when he sees my car. I always have the best intentions in mind for my awesome horse. He loves kids. He deserves a little girl again. :) Obviously if I was going to ditch him for a few ribbons, I wouldn't be over here agonizing about what would be best for him.

And Thanks, @Cordillera Cowboy and @PoptartShop

@LoriF @Folly I agree. But people are people.

I think we are working on more of an agreement. Free lease where they pay boarding, we split feed/farrier, and I pay vet bills/dentistry that way I can ensure he gets the level of care he is used to. They are free to do whatever they want with him, and I am free to ride him on days where the girl is not. I think this will work out well. :loveshower:
 
#30 ·
@Spec

Sounds like a great situation! I know that I would never be able to sell my girl (within reason of course). I would just have to deal with not riding and maybe take up driving, in the case of outgrowing a pony :lol:

So cool when you can find nice people to love on your horse, without actually having to give up your horse.
 
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#31 ·
I always said that about my boy, too. He is my best buddy. I am extremely happy with the situation! I'm writing up the lease right now.

As for the mare, we are working out a time to make the trip out to ride her for myself. Hope she's all she's cracked up to be, even though she's pretty early on in her training. We shall see. :)
 
#34 ·
Don't know if anyone hasn't suggested this- as I haven't read all the replies, but:

If you do sell him you could write up a contract to be signed that if they mistreat or neglect him in any way (personal definitions vary) that he has to be given- or bought- back. I sold my first heart horse when I was twelve because I had a bad accident with him that caused some injuries and intense fear that I'm still getting over at eighteen.

I thought I was selling him to the perfect home. Low and behold a few of her friends started contacting my parents saying we needed to get this horse out of there. She was starving him out of spite, spraying him in the eyes with bug spray to "correct" him, he had horrible saddle and girth sores and he started striking her. My mother contacted her to buy him back and she refused to sell him to us. I was absolutely heartbroken. She ended up selling him to the meat buyer. I did see him on our local listings a year or so ago, so he must have been boughten off the truck, but I had already bought my colt and I had no money or room for another project.

Lesson learned: always have at least a signed buy back contract.
 
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