I hope that this is where this post belongs. Fair warning THIS IS A NOVEL here goes;
I have been riding since I was very young, almost entirely Western. I have competed at high level events and have always felt confident on top of a horse.
I had to stop riding when I went to University. When I graduated I took some lessons, got back in the saddle and even hired coaches and trainers to help me with a lovely mare. I was forced (due to lack of boarding availability) to sell her shortly thereafter. I have since bought my own land and I have two lovely mares that I purchased from an amazing QH breeder. This breeder/coach has helped me every step of the way and continues to be a great support. However...
This is a roller coaster of emotions that I did not expect. When I was boarding my mare I knew that when I was gone (like at work etc) she was well looked after. I knew that there was a knowledgeable staff to make sure that she had enough of the right kind of feed, that she was comfortable and safe and that they would look after her and call me if there were any issues (and they could spot the issues). Now that is not the case. I went away for the weekend (I had a close horse savvy friend look after my mares) and I was a nutbag. I called everyday and was generally miserable. My one mare has a history of jumping fences when she gets bored. It's enough to make me mental.
Beyond that I feel like I have to be 'doing' something with my horses. They have great breeding and are well on their way to having some great training to go with that. Every time I go to the field I feel like we have to be working on a goal, although what that is I haven't got a clue. I feel like I am wasting their potential. I could show with the APHA, APHc, CTR or I could even get my one mare on the jumping circuit in my area, but I really don't have the cash for that. Besides, when I get too focused on what I should be training toward I feel like everything becomes a battle and every little snit my mares throw makes me want to give up, sell them and cry in a corner. As an example my one mare is a little buddy sour, not the worst problem you can have with a horse, but just thinking about dealing with it nearly makes me have a breakdown.
I love my girls, I love that they have personalities (and that they always seem to know just how much of their crap I can take) but I'm not sure how many more ups and downs I can take. I feel like I am suddenly clueless, but it's more a case of too many options.
Any tips on how to enjoy owning horses and just relax?