Oh KJ, if my husband were to read your post, other than the fact that we don't OWN two mares, and I've never ridden Western, well, he'd think I'd written it!
I am JUST like you, only my worries are about my little dog and leaving her at home for even two HOURS to go someplace at night! I worry about ridiculous small things like an auto breakdown causing my husband to get to work late and some HUGE HORRID thing like him losing his job happening as a RESULT...and that spirals into ME FEARING losing MY job (of EIGHT YEARS, not TOO likely!)
on the same WEEK, and then becoming HOMELESS, and on and on and on!
I have no advice at the moment (and if you read my "snit" on the thread about "Does it bother you when people want to ride your horse", I think you will get the "gist" of what sort of panicky/negative mood I'm in...in fact, I've had the VERY same thoughts as you are...when I asked some folks on the forum about leasing, I explained that I CAN'T buy my OWN horse until I have TEN THOUSAND dollars in the bank set aside for horse-related emergencies!"...even for a medically insured horse! I am SUCH a SPAZZ!! I am NOT calling YOU a spazz, by the way, I simply KNOW that I AM one
...you may simply be having a difficult or stressed out moment!
As I nurse in the mental health field, I realize full well that this is considered something called "hypervigilance" which CAN happen as a result of even a totally unrelated circumstance causing a case of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (which would of course have to be diagnosed by a therapist!)...When my husband returned from Iraq, he definitely experienced PTSD and it was later discussed with his therapist as being the cause for his extreme hypervigilance upon finishing his four years with the Army...it DID subside, and a few years later, he's one of the most laid back guys EVER...but...it takes time.
Perhaps something ELSE is causing you some severe worry/concern and it's painting the feelings onto your horses and their related care/training/etc...? There are ENOUGH horrors in this world right now that you can pretty much take your pick! The uncertainty surrounding the election in a few weeks, the unemployment rate, overbearing poverty surrounding us every day as we move through life...then just the stressers related to living in a highly mechanized, highly UN-PHYSICALLY ACTIVE world...most people do not get enough exercise and time AWAY from the news, the computer, the electronics, etc...
I realize this may not be helping at all, I just wanted you to know, as did another poster, that you are NOT ALONE...perhaps continue talking about your feelings WHENEVER you feel that fear rise up to a spouse, friend, loved one, counselor, etc...and if something in your past is causing you pain, well, it's time to unearth that pain and DEAL with it as best as you can...hang in there. You can ALWAYS come HERE to talk, as well!!
I don't know if this
helps at all, either, BUT...I did want to tell you that IMO, you sound like a VERY dedicated, caring, conscientious, and loving horse mom! Something to feel VERY good about in today's world! Chin up...it will get better...