Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: west palm beach, fl
you've accomplished so much I feel so..... inadequate to be giving you advice. But, if its not to....idk....here goes
I had similar feelings when I had to give up my jumper pony when I was 17. He was my world, and so was riding, but a hurricane had just wiped out one of my parents companies, and things were rough. He went to a couple young girls id known for years, shown with and liked a lot, they're horse had just died from a bad colic, and smugly was perfect for them. But I felt lost. And then I got lost.
I got into all sorts of bad things. With all the wrong people.
I still trained here and there. Oh my horse needs breaking, oh my pony bucks....can you ride my mare while im on vacation....
But I didnt bond with any of them and I just sort of..floated.
A boyfriend of mine came up to me one day with print outs of three horses ads. And he said we're going to look. So I went. And ended up with annie.
That part of you that feels like its going to whither and die never really does, it never goes away, or stops being you. If your smart (which everybody on this forum knows you are Super duper intelligent, wise beyond your years) you never let it hide either. That's what I did. I regret it, even though I learned from it.
Losing your girls will hurt, but I believe, with as strong as you've shown us you are, that you can find a way to stay around horses. Leasing, or trading barn work, or volunteering like you did, anything.... I think you'll find a way. Even with college and school, and finding a new job, I think you can do it.
You've done amazing things with both your girls, and provided them with all the tools they'll need to move on, pat yourself on the back for that. Hell, throw yourself a party. You deserve it.