Hi everyone. I'm posting this because I'm having a bit of trouble with a trainer lately. Well-not exactly trouble. I'm not even sure what it is, really. Lately I've just been feeling kind of..invaded. Lol.
I switched barns to train with my current instructor about 6 years ago, when I moved here from Ohio. I live in eastern Michigan now and keep my horse at a barn there too. The trainer is smart and helpful with me and my horse, but she is a little bit nutty at the same time.
I am 17 years old, almost 18. This information will become relevant as I continue explaining.
My trainer, to be truthful, thinks she is my mom. We got along well the first few years she trained me, but for about the past year or so she has felt the need to be very involved in my personal life outside of riding- so much so that she almost feels like a second mom, but not in a good way. Naturally, as we've been working together for 6 years now, we've gotten closer, but I don't feel that it's appropriate for her to comment on my personal life. For examples:
I have made many great friends at this barn. We all have a "barn group chat"- (for the non-techy folks, that basically means me and my friends can all text each other at the same time). These friends are all around the same age as me. We grew close very very quickly. We shared secrets, we rode together, we were always there for each other. One night, I got in a big fight with my mom, and texted the group chat about my situation. Basically, I was just looking for a shoulder to cry on and an ear to rant too. Everyone in the chat was kind and understanding. Me and my mom resolved the issue the next day and were fine, but a few weeks later I got a text from my trainer that said something along the lines of "You need to FIX THINGS with your mom. We have a horse show coming up, you need to be on the same page, time to be mature."
I'd never spoken a word about this fight to my trainer..so someone in the group chat must have told her about it. Why they decided to share my personal business with my trainer, I have no idea?? To this day I still don't know who told her. Anyhow. I told my trainer .."Everything is fine? We are okay. We resolved this weeks ago." Thankfully she dropped it after that. But, I feel she had no right to comment on the relationship between me and my mom, as it was not something I had told her about, because obviously it wasn't relevant to riding, and frankly our fight was none of her business! I am not an oversharer. But I let it go.
Next, she found my social media. She made an actual fake instagram account. She requested to follow me, but she had her account set up to make it look like it was one of my friend's accounts. Naturally, thinking it was a friend, I accepted her follow request. She requested to follow my "spam" account (again for the non techy folks-a "spam" account is kind of a teenagery thing. It's an account that we let only our close friends follow. On our spams, we post about our day, silly little rants, talk about our personal lives a little. Not TOO personal-I'm aware that it is still the internet. I let only my very close friends follow my spam.) Again, she was posing as my friend, so I accepted her request. Next thing I know, she sends me an email with a screenshot attached to it. The screenshot is of a post i made on my spam about a rough day at school I'd had. There were two curse words in it (so sue me), and she told me, "If I see anything like this again, I will tell your mom or dad." Naturally I blocked her and she can no longer see my account. I was so annoyed. I am almost a legal adult, and she is threatening to "tell on me"? For two curse words? My parents don't care if I curse. They curse like sailors themselves, LOL. I felt it was extremely inappropriate for her to "spy on me."
Finally, what really got me was where I want to go to school. I am almost ready to start applying for universities. I was thinking of maybe heading down to Texas, Mississippi, somewhere in the south. I told her this one day during a casual conversation, and she told me, "Oh, no. You need to be going here, here, and here. (Obviously she didnt say the words "here", she named off a couple of community schools that I have no interest in.) But, she wasn't saying it helpfully, like she was giving suggestions; she was ACTUALLY trying to tell me where to go! Asking me how much money I planned to spend on college, etc. I felt it was unprofessional and inappropriate.
There have been other , smaller instances where she's commented on my relationship with my parents, which I feel is rude, because she doesn't know anything about my home life and doesn't need too. She is my trainer, not my therapist.
Anyways, I'm just wondering, is this normal?? Are all trainers like this when they get to know their students better? It makes me annoyed, and it also makes me feel like nothing I ever do outside of riding is private-it always has to be HER business. Where does the line get drawn?? I just want someone who will be professional and train me and my horse. That's it-I dont need a therapist or a second mom.
I should mention that unfortunately I cannot move barns or switch trainers. I literally can't-Boarding barns are too scarce around here, and they are also an ungodly amount of money compared to the place I am at now. They are also too far away. I am stuck. Ugh! Anyways, just a bit of a rant.
I switched barns to train with my current instructor about 6 years ago, when I moved here from Ohio. I live in eastern Michigan now and keep my horse at a barn there too. The trainer is smart and helpful with me and my horse, but she is a little bit nutty at the same time.
I am 17 years old, almost 18. This information will become relevant as I continue explaining.
My trainer, to be truthful, thinks she is my mom. We got along well the first few years she trained me, but for about the past year or so she has felt the need to be very involved in my personal life outside of riding- so much so that she almost feels like a second mom, but not in a good way. Naturally, as we've been working together for 6 years now, we've gotten closer, but I don't feel that it's appropriate for her to comment on my personal life. For examples:
I have made many great friends at this barn. We all have a "barn group chat"- (for the non-techy folks, that basically means me and my friends can all text each other at the same time). These friends are all around the same age as me. We grew close very very quickly. We shared secrets, we rode together, we were always there for each other. One night, I got in a big fight with my mom, and texted the group chat about my situation. Basically, I was just looking for a shoulder to cry on and an ear to rant too. Everyone in the chat was kind and understanding. Me and my mom resolved the issue the next day and were fine, but a few weeks later I got a text from my trainer that said something along the lines of "You need to FIX THINGS with your mom. We have a horse show coming up, you need to be on the same page, time to be mature."
I'd never spoken a word about this fight to my trainer..so someone in the group chat must have told her about it. Why they decided to share my personal business with my trainer, I have no idea?? To this day I still don't know who told her. Anyhow. I told my trainer .."Everything is fine? We are okay. We resolved this weeks ago." Thankfully she dropped it after that. But, I feel she had no right to comment on the relationship between me and my mom, as it was not something I had told her about, because obviously it wasn't relevant to riding, and frankly our fight was none of her business! I am not an oversharer. But I let it go.
Next, she found my social media. She made an actual fake instagram account. She requested to follow me, but she had her account set up to make it look like it was one of my friend's accounts. Naturally, thinking it was a friend, I accepted her follow request. She requested to follow my "spam" account (again for the non techy folks-a "spam" account is kind of a teenagery thing. It's an account that we let only our close friends follow. On our spams, we post about our day, silly little rants, talk about our personal lives a little. Not TOO personal-I'm aware that it is still the internet. I let only my very close friends follow my spam.) Again, she was posing as my friend, so I accepted her request. Next thing I know, she sends me an email with a screenshot attached to it. The screenshot is of a post i made on my spam about a rough day at school I'd had. There were two curse words in it (so sue me), and she told me, "If I see anything like this again, I will tell your mom or dad." Naturally I blocked her and she can no longer see my account. I was so annoyed. I am almost a legal adult, and she is threatening to "tell on me"? For two curse words? My parents don't care if I curse. They curse like sailors themselves, LOL. I felt it was extremely inappropriate for her to "spy on me."
Finally, what really got me was where I want to go to school. I am almost ready to start applying for universities. I was thinking of maybe heading down to Texas, Mississippi, somewhere in the south. I told her this one day during a casual conversation, and she told me, "Oh, no. You need to be going here, here, and here. (Obviously she didnt say the words "here", she named off a couple of community schools that I have no interest in.) But, she wasn't saying it helpfully, like she was giving suggestions; she was ACTUALLY trying to tell me where to go! Asking me how much money I planned to spend on college, etc. I felt it was unprofessional and inappropriate.
There have been other , smaller instances where she's commented on my relationship with my parents, which I feel is rude, because she doesn't know anything about my home life and doesn't need too. She is my trainer, not my therapist.
Anyways, I'm just wondering, is this normal?? Are all trainers like this when they get to know their students better? It makes me annoyed, and it also makes me feel like nothing I ever do outside of riding is private-it always has to be HER business. Where does the line get drawn?? I just want someone who will be professional and train me and my horse. That's it-I dont need a therapist or a second mom.
I should mention that unfortunately I cannot move barns or switch trainers. I literally can't-Boarding barns are too scarce around here, and they are also an ungodly amount of money compared to the place I am at now. They are also too far away. I am stuck. Ugh! Anyways, just a bit of a rant.