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My trainer is so mean! I'm scared to be in the arena with her!

16K views 53 replies 42 participants last post by  HorseloveAlways 
#1 ·
She insults me, she insults my horse, parents, she says "you're not a good rider, so you should stop wasting my time." I understand that my position is bad and stuff, but when I first started with her, I told her "In the lessons I took with my previous instructor she usually had me do courses around 2'3" or lower." Then she stuck me in a group with four other people and made me jump a gymnastic (with three jumps going down a hill, something I have no experience doing) that was I don't know maybe 3'5". I really don't know, but it was maybe quadruple the size I've ever done. Again, she told me that I'm a horrible rider and to stop wasting her time. I was on a thb x arabian. At the end of almost each lessons she always screams at me and my parents. After a year or so when I gotten better, someone was selling a horse and I was in love with her. We tried her out and she was really good. So, I told my instructor and she told me parents if we buy the horse "we need to get off her property or she will throw us off." Later on, I bought a 15hh qh which she hated. She told me things like "this isn't a horse, she has no chance of getting over 18" and is a waste of time. She's horrible, don't buy her." I loved her though, so my parents bought her. I'm scared of her and I know she wants to help me, but none of us really like her. No one at my barn does and she's lost alot of clients. She won't let you ride with a different instructor. A girl had only ONE lesson with her and then her mom (her coach) started giving her lessons and my instructor told her to get off her horse and leave. Then, they just left. I know, alot to read, but please!? Any advice or tips would be great!!!!! :)
 
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#2 ·
My advice is: find a new trainer

Why are you paying someone to abuse you? I'm not seeing why you are not sure about what to do.
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#6 ·
There's nothing we can say. She sounds unprofessional and abusive. Nothing we can say or do will make that better or different than what it is. Talk to your parents. If they can't afford the cost of another trainer see if you can work it off at another barn.
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#8 ·
Is that the only trainer at the barn? My barn had a bunch of instructors and trainers. But that's because it's pretty big. I would suggest maybe try talking to her about how you feel, get a new trainer, or switch barns. She shouldn't treat you like this and don't be afraid to speak up. You have rights too!!
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#10 ·
Just because this is the only one close by doesn't mean it really is the only one close by. There are lots of super small, private barns, that do not advertise that they offer boarding. If I were you, I'd start asking around for places like this. Also, not all trainers are based out of a big stable. Many trainers travel from barn to barn, teaching lessons. Many times, these trainers are just as qualified, if not more successful than big barn trainers. I think it's time to start looking around.
 
#13 ·
First of all as long as lessons are not fun anymore (and by that I mean enjoyable while still can be hard work) then it's time to look for a different trainer. If other trainers are expensive you are much better to go with fewer lessons while you learn and enjoy.

You can't do much here, because the person will unlike to change her attitude and teaching approach. Just ask around, try to find someone else.
 
#14 ·
I don't know how old you are but I'm thinking you're under 20yo.
First, YOU are the customer and don't need to be paying for insults. There are PLENTY of good teachers out there who would be happy to be nice to you while you learn.
Second, if you STAY with this one, be warned that there are bad boyfriends and bad girlfriends who mistreat the one they are with only as long as that person lets it happen.
You are letting this person treat you like this.
When I taught riding I didn't treat my customers like this. Even when I was pushing a student through a problem, I didn't believe in berating.
George Morris doesn't abuse people when he coaches, and he's got the years and the name to justify it.
 
#17 ·
I'm surprised if she's really insulting your parents as well, that they are still having you take lessons from the lady. She sounds like a horrible trainer, and really shouldn't be teaching people. I would ask around, look for references for a different trainer, sometimes you can get good for cheaper, but in this case, I think spending a little more and having a good trainer who actually helps you would be well worth it. I'm sorry you are going through this, but its way past time to leave.
 
#19 ·
OMG!! You (or your parents) are PAYING someone to yell at you and belittle you!!!!!
Heck, come over to my house, I'll do it for half of what you're currently being charged.

You are the consumer - period. If you don't like the service you are getting, shop for another. It doesn't matter if the person schooled Sleipnir himself! There is no excuse for bad behavior. She may even be bullying you in hopes that you WILL leave; the fact that you've stayed around over a year just sends the message that it's ok to treat you like that. Stop reinforcing her bad behavior and move on to happier grounds. There are TONS of qualified people out there who are most likely a much better fit than this barn witch!
 
#20 ·
I went through the same thing with my past trainer. He was a great guy when I was off the horse (mainly to schmooze me to keep coming back for more), but when I was riding my horse he treated me like utter crap. Then would tell me, "You haven't spent enough money with me yet for me to give you the whole picture and pieces of the puzzle", well in any disapline, you need all the pieces to get the job done correctly. I took the abuse for a little bit, thinking maybe I was just in a learning curve, and wasn't understanding all the material that was being flung my way..., but, it just kept getting worse.

The best advice I could give you is to leave. Since my ordeal I've actually put my reining equipment and dreams up for a little while, because the whole situation really 'soured' me for lack of a better term. You need to enjoy what you and your horse are trying to accomplish. If you aren't then it's just not a good situation all around for you and your horse, and you are just encouraging your trainer to stay the same by continuing to go and pay.
 
#21 ·
So, if I'm reading this correctly-the trainer is the barn owner? But you own your own horse? Is taking lessons required to board there? Can you just ride your horse on your own for awhile and maybe take a break from taking lessons for awhile? Or maybe you don't go out trail riding? I know I wouldn't pay anybody to treat me like that.
 
#22 ·
Wow, thats terrible.

Are you allowed to have other trainers come and train you, rather than have the BO/trainer give lessons?

If not, then I would leave, and tell her why. Don't be walking around the bush for this one, tell her exactly why you're leaving. Or you could confront her about her yelling and saying that your a bad rider, ask her if she can stop and if she doesn't then leave.
 
#23 ·
There's a trainer who always yells and belittles students at my barn. I took lessons with her for awhile because I really wanted to learn to jump. The only fun lessons I had were a) when I didn't fall off because her horse bucked me off and b) when I was taking a group lesson with this other kid who, while sweet, was a worse rider than me and she would yell at him the whole time instead of me. Whenever he was gone, I was the one who got yelled at. Finally I got mad enough I told her flat out what I thought about her and her teaching and now no one else at the barn will let me ride their horse, I'm totally ignored by half the barn and she still tells me I'm abusive in front of her students (to make herself sound smart I would assume...). She knows she can't tell a horses face from it's butt and when I called her out on it, she made my life miserable but instead of staying miserable I found a new trainer and now my horse behaves better than hers ever did and I'm a little bit happy about that.... I feel like I won that battle and we both know it. She leaves me alone now. At least she doesn't bully me anymore :)
Just don't let your trainer treat you that way. There is no reason for yelling and bullying simply because someone doesn't understand something all the way.
 
#25 ·
The riders he berates are looking for National titles. The OP is a beginner and doesn't deserve to be belittled by a lesser trainer than George.
 
#29 ·
Wow.

My trainer has brought me to tears before. She pushes you to your limits. She yells if you don't respond with enough intensity. But she's also quick to praise. She'll give you a million compliments. She'll bring things back down to where you can build your confidence. She might yell at you once, or twice, twenty times, but she does it because she truly cares about you and your horse. She's a kind woman who would bend over backwards for you, and you can go to her for anything you need for your horse. She's rough, people leave her because they can't handle the intensity...But the ones she spits out love her and she loves them.

This trainer you're talking about is a fool. You are better off without her.
 
#31 ·
I just read the first post and I had a similar but not as intense riding instructor. At sixteen she told me "if you ever want a career in horses you need to get serious about your riding and ride more often". This I relayed to my parents. They immediately stopped lessons. I was sixteen riding three days a week, cleaning stalls at the barn and going to a rather intense high school, plus applying to college. My parents had seen a lot of 4H kids who "just want to ride horses for a living" end up burned out, unemployed and stunted. In my family, if you want a career in horses go to vet school, don't think you can be a professional rider or make a living in horses. I can see where my folks are coming from. Honestly, it was a good decision, I worked as a wrangler for a few years and horse are tough business, one that for me is best left as a hobby.

My advice is stop lessons and change barns. Its not worth it.
 
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