I'm one of those ultra-sensitive people who shuts down if someone yells at me. (Yes, I'm a huge pansy but I can't help it, unfortunately) I'm also very hard on myself.
Luckily, my current instructor doesn't yell (except to make her voice carry across the arena). Even on days when I'm being a complete piss-head and I can't get anything right. She corrects, but not meanly, and also makes a point of telling me what I did right. She doesn't sugar-coat, she doesn't tell me to get it right; she knows my limits but knows when to push me.
I think if I had an instructor who yelled, screamed, swore, or put me down, I wouldn't learn anything and dread going to the barn. And I wouldn't put up with it - why pay someone to insult you? Mother in laws will do it for free.
I agree with you entirely!
I am helping a woman at the moment who has a young horse that I helped her to back. He was fine with all traffic and has since become bad with heavy vehicles (it is practically impossible to ride anywhere in the UK without going on the roads)
I said I would help her and decided that the best place to go was down to a nearby farm where there was plenty of room and heavy vehicles and tractors.
The poor woman was almost sick with the idea of riding him around there. She was begging and pleading for me to ride the horse but I refused. What good would that do? He would have been fine with me but no better with her.
I led her around and then she rode on her own. We started a tractor and I led her around it, stopping and leaning against the wheel just chatting.
A friend had driven our ATV down and when we were finished instead of taking the short way back I made her ride alongside the ATV and went for a good long trot.
I was so pleased with her because she was so frightened of what might happen, I was tough on her but not unfair, nor did I put her down. When she said "I can't do this." I told her she was going to have to and that I had every faith she could.
Next day we went for a ride together, me riding a good horse that is traffic proof. When a heavy wagon was coming along the road - it slowed right down, she was so tensed the horse started to react in the same way. I then gave her a hard poke with my finger which made her jump and ask what it was for - that was enough to distract her from the lorry and immediately the horse relaxed and just walked past on the inside of my horse.
It has now gone from not wanting to ride out of the arena to wanting to get out and about. We have been out most days and met several big vehicles and she is not reacting to them so the horse isn't either.
Tere is still some way to go, she is not confident in not being led from my horse but, that will soon disappear.
Had I yelled and screamed at her it would have all gone bottoms up. She needed firm handling and her confidence building. She had already undermined her own confidence and didn't need it confirmed.