Riding Instructors and Yelling/Insults? - Page 5 - The Horse Forum
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post #41 of 89 Old 02-26-2013, 07:27 PM
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I've never had a riding clinician yell insults at me, as a child or adult. I'm sure we've all had a teacher or boss or someone else in our lives who was a bully, though. Very unpleasant people! I generally clash with them right off the bat, now, unless I need to lay low for some particular reason. I certainly wouldn't tolerate it in a riding instructor.

I have an education degree, and used to teach, and I can tell you that yelling insults at a confused student is NOT an acceptable teaching method. I think it reflects more on that person's lack of self control or desire to control others than anything the student is doing.

People can give students pointers and critique their riding without being jerks.
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post #42 of 89 Old 02-27-2013, 03:26 AM
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I'm the kind of person who couldn't take yelling very much. When I played softball during grade school, my coach would get in my face and scream at me if I did something wrong. I quit the team after that, and then I joined gymnastics. My gymnastics coach was excellent. She never screamed, yelled, or got angry with me. She was patient and helped me with whatever I needed. I progressed quickly in her class, and ended up competing and winning. When I started riding horses, my first trainers were very tough on me, and I got criticized and ridiculed for everything. Once I switched to a more calm and patient trainer, I progressed quickly once again. It boosted my confidence, and I became a better rider because of it.
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post #43 of 89 Old 02-27-2013, 09:35 PM
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I learnt to ride on my glue factory pony by been chasing around with a whip, screamed at, insulted and reduced to tears. But the instructor was my mother so I was used to it The worst bit was when she calmed down and said, I'm not angry, I'm just dissapointed.

In all honestly I'd probably break down if a grown man/woman who apparently knew more than me were to yell and critize without been constructive. I don't see the point in it. If you can't make your point seen by calmly explaining it, what makes you think it will go any better by screaming it?!
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post #44 of 89 Old 02-28-2013, 12:51 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by EquineBovine View Post
I learnt to ride on my glue factory pony by been chasing around with a whip, screamed at, insulted and reduced to tears. But the instructor was my mother so I was used to it The worst bit was when she calmed down and said, I'm not angry, I'm just dissapointed.

In all honestly I'd probably break down if a grown man/woman who apparently knew more than me were to yell and critize without been constructive. I don't see the point in it. If you can't make your point seen by calmly explaining it, what makes you think it will go any better by screaming it?!
I actually just thought I heard my own daughter talking to me here. Here's the mom perspective of that - I'm GUILTY of turning into a maniac (minus the whip chasing, of course) with my own kids and their riding instruction - I give beginner horsemanship lessons to adults and children of all ages and confidence levels and have a cool - clean and friendly attitude. When it is my oldest daughter riding, I turn into a maniac. And you are right - just mainly disappointed in the end, not really mad. I talk to a group of girlfriends one night and they assured me I wasn't insane - they all have been there - that's why they send their children to a different instructor.

I think it is because we have such huge expectations and hopes for our children that we can't help but get OCD about making sure they are PERFECT, way better than anyone else, and we want them to enjoy as much as we do - just being a mom here. So, I don't teach my own children anymore once they establish their own independent seat (and mind)....I can't do it without being too pushy and tough. So my oldest got sent to an instructor where she blossomed and as a result, kept our mom/teenager relationship intact.

Good thing to bring up - it is good for other moms to realize this as well. It is quite common for the parents to be extra hard on their own children versus their paying clients.
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post #45 of 89 Old 02-28-2013, 01:36 PM
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My mother had such hope for me hehe she is what I would call a 'enthusiastic' rider whereas I like to plod along, hello tree hello flower, all nice and chilled. So I did get to go to a riding school which was a huge shock because no one yelled at me! Hehe
Although I must thank my mum really. She taught me to hang on a rearing, bucking, spazzing out horse for dear life. If I fell off I got right back on because at the end of the day my mother was more scary than my devil pony hehe
Thanks mum, for giving me a Velcro butt and an intense fear of whips... :)

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post #46 of 89 Old 02-28-2013, 01:37 PM
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it really helps me when a trainer yells at me for some reason... haha

Both my trainers will yell at me. At my last event my trainer said I was making my mare go like a shetland pony 2 minutes before we rode dressage. We ended up winning with a score of 23.8 =D

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post #47 of 89 Old 02-28-2013, 02:13 PM
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Originally Posted by EquineBovine View Post
I learnt to ride on my glue factory pony by been chasing around with a whip, screamed at, insulted and reduced to tears. But the instructor was my mother so I was used to it The worst bit was when she calmed down and said, I'm not angry, I'm just dissapointed.

In all honestly I'd probably break down if a grown man/woman who apparently knew more than me were to yell and critize without been constructive. I don't see the point in it. If you can't make your point seen by calmly explaining it, what makes you think it will go any better by screaming it?!
From a former public MS teacher, and a former piano/voice teacher, my piano studio instructor suggested finding someone to teach your own children. She said (wisely), you won't have the patience, and you won't always schedule and find the time to work for your own kids.

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post #48 of 89 Old 02-28-2013, 04:05 PM
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I don't tolerate screaming and yelling very well. Even if it isn't directed at me.

Insults, however, always tend to make me laugh. I've been nicknamed Sarcastica and I can't tell you the number of times I've been told "You think this is funny?!" I used to be a sensitive child growing up but I've had so many hair-trigger temper instructors (both in school and other hobbies) I just learned to cope with humor.

I had a riding instructor call me a lazy fatass in a lesson once. She was overweight herself. I didn't say anything to her. I looked her up in down in a conspicuous way and then raised a single eyebrow. That shut her up immediately.
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post #49 of 89 Old 03-01-2013, 01:56 AM
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Technically, over the 9 yrs I have been riding, I have had 7 different trainers. One of those trainers was a yeller (loud annoying voice) and while she had MANY other negative qualities, she wasn't a name-caller, insulter, or extremely "rough" when giving lessons. She would threaten to take your stirrups away (and did) and threaten to chase the horse with a whip if you didn't get them moving... but never did.

I agree with those that stated that trainers do not need to yell or insult, especially if you are paying them (BUT I know different people have different tastes in trainers). Out of all 7, my currrent trainer has been the best (obviously, as he is still my trainer). No yelling, no insults, no threats, etc. Interestingly enough, no huge signs of frusteration either. I have only noticed frusteration once, but just by observing, not by him saying anything.

On the flip side, I can NOT stand a trainer that babies the rider. I took one lesson from a trainer like that and was irritated and annoyed the entire ride. I would rather have a stern trainer than somebody who talks to you like you are a little kid.

I am, however, the type of rider that enjoys riding and enjoys learning and accomplishing things, so I take my lessons seriously.
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post #50 of 89 Old 03-06-2013, 03:38 PM
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If you want a trainer to pat you on the head and give you a cookie every time you do something you're supposed to do anything. . .and you want to pay them for that. . .go right ahead.

If you want a trainer that will never, ever push you to ride beyond your comfort zone or encourage you to try something new, go right ahead.

If you can't stand being told that you're doing something wrong, or that you need to try harder, or that you're NOT ready to move on to more advanced things until you've gotten a better grasp of the foundations and basics. . .and you want a trainer to teach "fun" classes all the time where you always end up feeling yippy-skippy about riding. . .that's your money.

I have had both kinds of trainers. I've had lessons where I left feeling totally discouraged because I just couldn't "get" it that day. I've had trainers who saw something I was doing wrong and I felt they were really "nitpicking" me. . .until I saw a video of myself riding and realized they were right.

We all have good and bad days, just as our horses do. Personally, I liked having a trainer who would nitpick my faults. . .because when I did get a compliment from them it meant so much more than if it was coming from a fluffy feel-good instructor.
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