Riding Instructors and Yelling/Insults? - Page 8 - The Horse Forum
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post #71 of 89 Old 11-06-2013, 06:13 PM
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I am going to give a different opinion and my own little experience. I wanted to be a swimming instructor. It's a great part time job, close by and has flexible hours. I've always been an avid swimmer and particularly because the recreation centre was down the street, I thought it would be a great idea to try. I enrolled and was put in a class with four other people. All through out the course, there were slivers of criticism targeted at me regarding my age. I guess what I'm trying to say is that yelling and screaming are not the only forms of belittling. I truly thought I imagined it and needed to toughen up! I swam just as well if not better than some of the participants but I let the instructor "get" to me. What is worse, I inadvertently gave permission for the others in the group to belittle me too. Not surprisingly, everyone passed the course but not me. I didn't go back in the pool for about two years and am angry at myself for tolerating it and don't understand why I did. This position would have been ideal for me and would have helped me support my riding. Trust your gut on this. Life is hard enough and there will be enough people trying to put limitations on you. A person has to also protect his/her possibilities. Later on, two teachers were in the viewing area watching this same instructor "tear" into a little girl about her bathing suit. They were having none of it. They contacted the head aquatics supervisor and interrupted the swimming lesson. To this day, I don't understand why I didn't recognize that it was wrong and didn't stand up for myself. There must be discipline in riding but there is also your self-respect.
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post #72 of 89 Old 11-06-2013, 10:23 PM
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Sorry, at the end of the day being a coach and trainer is a business. I don't pay people to yell at me. There is no excuse for yelling. My coach is great, she pushes me, she encourages me, she NEVER yells at me. Then again I pay $70 dollars for a 45 minute lesson, if someone yelled at me I would tell them off.

Horses are my get away, my therapy. My work is stress enough. I have to worry about running a store, babysitting staff, deal with theft daily,and worry about robberies or potential one. Horses are my get away, and yes I work hard in a lesson, I may not be some great dressage rider but I work hard. I don't need the stress of someone who is unprofessional.
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post #73 of 89 Old 11-07-2013, 08:01 AM
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Originally Posted by Kotori View Post
I've only had lessons with two trainers. ...the only issues I have are when they expect me to know something they've never shown me. Once, one told me to change rein, so I went and changed rein on a small circle, and she yelled at me that she meant down the diagonal. She said it in such a way that it made me feel stupid, and I never spoke another word for the lesson. I have anxiety issues... and as the lesson went on, it only got worse. I was being criticized every stride, and I tried to fix it but she never told me if I was doing it right, so I would try different things until she yelled at me- the only indicator I had. Eventually I had enough after riding a lap or two around the arena, unable to see through my tears and unable to breath. She was still criticizing me and wanting me to pick up a canter- something that freaks me out even on the best of days.

I don't mind being yelled at and criticized, but you need to tell me if I'm doing it right.
Imagine a horse saying this...

Last edited by Captain Evil; 11-07-2013 at 08:03 AM.
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post #74 of 89 Old 11-07-2013, 11:38 AM
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I am tough. I was brought up in a tough way and taught by tough teachers. You were yelled at, laughed at and made to get back on when you fell. (I once had a jumping
lesson and finished it before saying my arm hurt and it was broken! I had to walk to the very local Cottage Hospital to have it set and then walked back to the stables and finished the day there.)
However it was very rare to feel down after a lesson. We all came away having learnt something and gloated on the little praise we received. It doesn't work that way nowadays.

I have been to many instructors of various calibre's. One of the meanest was an Internationally renowned event trainer. He was downright rude to almost all the riders and played to the people watching. I was on a weeks course and was not going to leave, as many did, but get my money's worth whether he liked it or not.
One rider had won Badminton the previous year and really this course was a way for her to get her training for free.
At one point one of the other riders, a nervy woman, went to leave the arena in tears. Her horse would not go over a simple grid. The instructor would not let her take her horse but made the event rider get on it. The horse still refused. I, standing in line watching, said to the girl next to me that I knew what he was getting at.
He saw me talking and told me that of I thought I could do better to get on the horse. I did. The stirrups were way to small for me so I crossed them and took the horse to the grid. The moment he started to back away from it I drew three cracks with my whip behind the legs, left, right, left without changing hands, all in less than two seconds. The horse shot forward, cantered over the four trot poles and over the grid in a hurried manner, knocking down a couple of poles.
The instructor yelled and screamed and swore. I had halted and when he had to draw breath I said, in a voice loud enough for all to hear, "I was taught that a horse either went over or through a fence when you meant it to. Now, it might not have been elegant but, he odd go through the lot. Now let me show you what I think is the way you want it to be done."
His face was a picture and before he could gather his wits, I rode the horse around the arena, presented it at the grid, trot four poles, bounce, bounce fence bounce fence.
Horse went through it perfectly, really used itself over the last fence and, having enjoyed it even put in a whoopee buck on landing.

At the end of the week he told me I had made the most improvement and I looked him square in the eye and told him that had he once offered encouragement or praise then that improvement would have been far greater.

More than once I was offered the chance to go on courses with him but always refused because he was so downright rude. Darn good but rude.
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post #75 of 89 Old 11-07-2013, 11:45 AM
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I agree that one thing instructors and clients must both remember is that it is a BUSINESS. You are paying for a service. If you are not pleased with the service you are receiving, take your business and your money elsewhere. There is certainly another trainer that will be more suited to their liking and desires.

The sensitivity of the internet baffles me.
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post #76 of 89 Old 11-11-2013, 01:47 PM
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Not sure how he treated his students, but I was in several playdays, where the "trainer" screamed, cussed at, and belittled his 2 teenage daughters, while they ran the barrels. I know he gave lessons to other kids. He was so verbally abusive that I don't see how the girls were able to perform at all, listening to all of that.
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post #77 of 89 Old 11-13-2013, 01:21 PM
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I think it depends on how you look at it. My dressage trainer was AWESOME: supportive, encouraging, very talented as a teacher (we were green horse - green rider combination). Yet when she was recommended to me I was told that she's tough and doesn't sugar-coat, so I have to be "ready". However IMHO she was one of the nicest instructors I worked with.

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass: it's about learning to dance in the rain..."

"When we are no longer able to change a situation - we are challenged to change ourselves."

"How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours."
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post #78 of 89 Old 11-30-2013, 07:04 PM
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I would not stay with them. There is no way I could learn anything in that type of environment. I think about my trainer and how calm and patient he is and I could never imagine him yelling at me- even if I was doing something wrong.
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post #79 of 89 Old 12-04-2013, 05:34 PM
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I don't think I could handle an instructor that yelled or cussed me out. My instructor is really patient and only yells when she gets super annoyed with someone because they won't listen. She WILL tell you when you're doing something wrong, but it's straight forward and isn't meant to be mean, just constructive. That's what I like. Don't yell at me, just tell me what I'm doing wrong.
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post #80 of 89 Old 12-05-2013, 11:37 PM
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I think it depends on the person. I am sensitive and can shut down. Shutting down is also a flaw I want to fix but it is slow going. I try to adapt. I try to understand the trainer and find ways to cope.

Our local guy is tough but it is because he wants you to succeed and notices everything. He does not miss A BEAT never seen the like. Luckily when I am ready to bawl he doesn't notice. I find comfort in seeing the expression on his wife's face and the "oh dear look" but she says nothing. I try to buck up then untack my horse and cry all the way home. Then I learned so much because he notices everything that I go back for more and joke about bawling to friends...

THIS is worth it because though he has been rude he has not sworn at me. A friend of mine they get into swearing matches. This I find unproffesional since the swearing is meant to cut.

Also the trainer is bipolar and very good at his job... if he is in a bad mood recognize and ignore. I am not saying this is right it is a business but for personal growth on not being sensitive and growth on my horse... I will go back.
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