MIE, I will take your comments as constructive criticism, but I never have considered myself a victim. I am an adult with responsibilities and cannot blindly throw myself at things without keeping the risks in mind. I love JT and know we both have shortcomings that time and training will fix, but getting on a horse while still having dizzy spells and with a concussion is madness.
What I was hoping for were ideas on how to spend the time I'm not allowed to ride constructively and stories of others who also had to overcome some confidence issues.
I'm a 34 year old woman with many responsibilities myself, a husband, a household, 2 jobs, school, bills to pay, and animals to feed - but if I allowed my fear to get the better of me, I wouldn't be jumping today.
It is perfectly natural to feel fear and be scared and want to run away, it would be very easy for me to say "well, maybe I should just do flat work today" and not jump, but then by me doing that, I'm playing the victim and allowing my fear to get the best of me. I can't let it win.
I never jumped for a very long time after my accident. Quite a long time, and it took alot of empowerment to get me over a fence. I remember the first time I was asked to jump an x rail, and I broke down and cried.
I still get scared when I am asked to jump. I look at 2'9" fences and my mind makes them out to be 3'0"+ and I start to cower and I want to go into the fetal position. But by shouting my "catch phrase" outloud and empowering myself, I get over it. Then when I am done, I realize that it wasn't as bad as my mind made it out to be, and then I'm able to move forward and continue.
That is what I mean by empower yourself.
There's lots you can do to help yourself while you aren't riding - the positive affermation cards will help you out. By reading them daily, you learn to get the negative thoughts out of your head from your accident, and replace them with positive thoughts about yourself, your riding abilities and how to handle situations when they arise again. Just by being around the horses as MyBoyPuck stated, doing ground work, getting into Natural Horsemanship even. Handling, walking, lunging, ground driving - what have you, will help you baby step your way forward, to empowering yourself. Gaining your confidence back. Believe in yourself, empower yourself.
I played the victim far too long after my accident, which by doing that, it hindered my riding, it hindered my ability to move forward - and I wasted far too much time.
Anything can happen to the best of us when we are on horses, they are afterall animals with their own minds, thoughts and abilities - but by empowering your "perspective" on the situation, will enable yourself to be that much more stronger, that much more confident for when you are ready to get back on and ride.
Accidents happen to the best of us, heck, I don't know 1 rider who hasn't had a nasty accident - it happens. But, the important part is, what do you do with it after it has been delt?
I still get scared. It is natural for us all to allow "what if's" to run through our heads, especially at our age - we break easier than those younger than us - but I would rather try, then allow my fear to defeat me.
I hope Jane Savoi can help you out - she has lots of video's out, and she is on Facebook as well. You can send her a PM and ask her for advice, she is a wealth of knowledge where equestrian sports psychology is involved. She has books out as well - maybe go to the library and see if she is available there?
I am horribly sorry for what you had to go through, if I could take it away, I would or if I could go back into time to prevent it from happening, I would. I hate to hear, see people in pain, that's why I am going to school to be a Nurse - but remember, it isn't what happens to us that matters, it is what we do about it, that does.
I wish you all the best, I look forward to reading threads about your feats and your accomplishments.