I feel really bad having to ask for help with this because I shouldn't have to...
But I have REALLY bad anger management issues with my horse. I don't know why, she's not bad or anything. When she does something "wrong" it's because I asked wrong or because she doesn't understand. We (or I) have our good days where she's learning a lot or where we're just getting along. But then we have our BAD days where I get so angry at her that I yell at her, call her bad names, and...hit her.
Most of the time, it's somwhere in between there. Kicking, jerking, yelling, slapping her neck, stuff like that. I normally end up leaving the barn in tears, hating myself. If someone's with me, I keep control better, faking that we have a "relationship". But I keep her in my friend's backyard so I don't have anyone there all the time to watch me.
What kills me the most about all of this is the lack of trust between us now. It's gone, she doesn't trust me at all. It seriously breaks my heart. I want her to trust me, I want her to want to be with me, not away from me. But no matter how much I want that, I always lose my temper and break whatever trust and bond we had. I cry and tell her I'm sorry, but I don't change. We've both lost SO much confidence and it sucks.
I guess I just need a bit of help. Words of encouragement, training exercises to build our confidence in each other, just something to know I'm not alone. I feel like I'm the only one who feels like this. I don't have any other horse people to talk to so I rely on the people of this forum (and my YouTube friends) to get me through horse issues. Maybe some of it could be stemming from school/friend/family stress (I'm a high school senior
Sorry about this insane novel, haha. Thanks for putting up with me!