Bonding, trust, respect and other word games - Page 2 - The Horse Forum
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post #11 of 18 Old 04-15-2013, 05:15 AM
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post #12 of 18 Old 04-15-2013, 06:48 AM Thread Starter
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Something I wanted to include in that essay but didn't know how to work it in.

The best thing about deromanticizing your thinking about horses and seeing them as they really are is...

they are wonderful, extraordinary, generous creatures exactly as they are! No anthropomorphizing or romanticizing necessary, that's gilding the lily, or more accurately, putting base metal over gold. Ascribing human qualities to them does them a great disservice.
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post #13 of 18 Old 04-15-2013, 07:03 AM
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Originally Posted by Oldhorselady View Post
I am wondering if there is a happy medium between, the guy on the Budweiser commercial that sends his horse to Budweiser and hasn't seen him for three years, attends the parade the horse was being driven in, walks away thinking the horse would not remember him, only to have the horse run down the street to him....and.....the guy that treats his horse like a robot with no concern of the horse's well being, only to win the competitions he is in and never even cares to talk to his horse????
I do think there is a happy medium and I really don't think most people believe that there is absolutely no bond (in the original sense of the word) ever created between humans and horses - they may just call it something different to avoid those that equate bond with "my horsie luvs me and will do anything for me" type.

Horses are herd animals and as such do create bonds in order to hold their herds together. If you watch a herd you can many times see horses pair up with their preferred buddy, and even though they are a herd and live together sometimes you see 2 horses that will never pair up. They just tolerate each other. But these bonds are not static. Take out a horse or add one and it can change the dynamics - so their bonds are not life-long commitments like we humans think in, but rather temporary "safe havens" of sorts.

What I think is the issue is that some people want to equate love with bond. While love is a type of bond - not all bonds are a form of love, and I think its a type of bond that is not capable in horses. We can love them, but to expect that type of emotion in return is setting up for dissapointment and many times leads to a spoiled horse and possibly dangerous horse. But a bond based on trust, leadership, safety and companionship is possible and reasonable to expect after a time.

Horses are not humans, but they are also not robots. They need to be respected and understood for what they are as well as what they are not.
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post #14 of 18 Old 04-15-2013, 08:11 AM
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I kept trying to read the original post and kept getting interrupted!

Totally agree!
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post #15 of 18 Old 04-15-2013, 09:05 AM
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I just posted this in another thread but think it is relevant here as well so I am re-posting:
I have ridden quite a few horses over the years that I have been riding, some I loved, some I hated and some we just ok. There were a few horses that I got a special feeling while riding, I wouldn't call it a bond though. I feel it was more that their learning style really clicked with my teaching style. Everybody moves differently in the saddle, does the same thing in just a slightly different way and teaches slightly differently. I believe that 'click' or 'bond' or whatever you want to call it comes when you start riding a horse that responds to your unique teaching style.
Of all the horses I have trained, I have always accomplished what I have set out to do (be it alone or enlisting the help of someone more knowledgeable than me) some horses took longer, some picked things up much quicker than I ever planned and some I really had to change my ways of thinking.
When you meet a horse that responds well to the way you train it is an amazing feeling! On certain days I would trade all 3 of the horses I own right now to find one that I clicked with like that. But for me the challenge come from learning how to create that click by finding new ways to train and interact with the horse.
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post #16 of 18 Old 04-15-2013, 12:19 PM
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I have read this and thought on it a bit and this is what I came up with. I have used the b word. But to me it's used differently by some. When I say bond I am meaning I have gained respect from my horse. I have given her boundaries and we work well together in them. There are days when we are not on the same level but, I make sure that she comes to mine because I am boss. I am the head of the herd. I say I lobe her she is my baby how pretty she is and lovely things as such but, there is a line that is never crossed she gets away with nothing I wouldn't allow on any given day. I am not a advanced horse owner. Though I have owned and or risen for half of my 31 years. Am I gonna mess up yeah probably. But I respect her enough that if I do yes it's my fault and we will fix it even if that means having a trained hand step in and show me how to correct. So I think bond can mean a wide spectrum of things maybe a person just isn't saying the right word for what they mean.
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post #17 of 18 Old 04-19-2013, 12:55 PM
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I am bonded to my horse, as in my world revolves around her. Does that make me a romantic? I think not.

My boyfriend would say I am not a romantic. At least he would say that if he ever saw me, which he doesn't since I am at the barn all day and most of the night.

I am happy and my horse is happy and I do not intend to change my thinking.

My horse.....that's another story. I will show her the article before I tuck her into bed tonight after she has her "yummy for her tummy nummmy snacks" right before she gets her "snuggle wuggle" kiss on the nose, and gets told how much she is "loved more than any horsie of coursie in the whole wide world" "my little unicorn without a horn".
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post #18 of 18 Old 04-20-2013, 08:55 AM
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Originally Posted by maura View Post
The best thing about deromanticizing your thinking about horses and seeing them as they really are is...

they are wonderful, extraordinary, generous creatures exactly as they are! No anthropomorphizing or romanticizing necessary, that's gilding the lily, or more accurately, putting base metal over gold. Ascribing human qualities to them does them a great disservice.
Excellent way to describe that. Not only does it do the horse a great disservice, it does the owner/handler/rider as well. When one applies those notions to their horse one can't see the forest for the trees. Tough to fix or better something when it's a clouded picture.

Life is like a camera. Focus on what's important, Capture the good times, Develop from the negatives and if things don't work out, Take another shot.
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