i just went thru the thread quickly but op if you look up some of my first threads on this forum you will notice my horse was very similiar.
charged if i entered the field, kicked in my direction, respectful when being ridden but horrible on the ground etc etc. i was given some great advice on those threads so please do check them out.
my advice to you would be to get a trainer first and foremost! this horse already knows she can take advantage of you. thats hard to win back with some horses. and to be honest everything you probably consider respectful is really the horse only putting up with it because of her training.
next thing i want you to be honest with yourself and really think about this: ARE YOU SCARED OF HER? Your mind might not think you are scared but does your body react like someone who is scared? horses go off of body language and with my guy, he read my body like a book and new i was scared even though in my head i swore i wasn't. that hindered any ability of gaining his respect on the ground.
third, as for what you can do... really carrying a whip, bat, buckets, leads whatever to hit her with when she comes at you is not gonna help in the long run at this point. trust me, been there done that and it just made the horse react even more aggressive over time. right now she sees you as someone below her, where she should be below you in the herd.
fourth, you really need the help of someone who can look at a horse and instantly read there body language. because her charging and reacting are all last minute signs of her being upset. simple things as neck twitch, ears back, hind out, shoulders in, are all different signs of horses slowly getting aggravated. but enless the horse is caught at those stages the respect aspect you want with your horse will never be gained because you are not correcting them at the right time.
however you can fix the problem you, just need help. i have been going strong now with my trainer for a few months now and my "dangerous horse" has turned into a great functional reliable horse i can't wait to spend my days with. but without the knowledge of someone else i really don't see this problem getting better but only worse. i dont mean to sound mean if i do, i just know where you are coming from and at this point you are lucky she hasn't broken your bones like my guy has done to me in the past. so please find a trainer who can work with you both. once you do i guarantee if you find the right trainer you and your mare will have loads of fun and will have no respect issues.