You have said that you have no experience which is a great thing to step up and admit from the get go BUT admitting it, doesn't change the fact that you have No Experience! Honestly I think your horse knows a hell of a lot more than you do and is having the time of her life training you. Get an experienced horse person to start with the horse, your job will be to watch and learn. Right now it is plainly obvious that you have bitten off more than you can chew and have no idea how to determine whether your horse is being disrespectful or has holes in her training.
I am not trying to be mean, I do wish you the best relationship possible with your lovely mare, PLEASE get some help!