Thank you to those who have posted curteous advice and helpful comments.
I'm still pretty upset about the whole ordeal, although better than last night. I think part of it is I never really grieved when I had to retire him. I had all these high expectations of things I would get to do with him when I finished school finally, and that didn't pan out obviously. I think thatís playing my emotional card right now too.
Everyone relax. I'm not actually going to run out this weekend and take him to a sale. Never actually said I was going to, just venting that I wouldn't have a problem with it with how I was feeling, especially when I was lying on the ground last night. I will not make a decision until things have settled down and I can look at all my options.
Let me just make one thing clear that was assumed: I would not lie and sell any horse dishonestly to anyone as a riding horse that wasn't. Or hide any problem of the horse. Never. When I said "take him to the sale barn" in my anger, he'd be going for dog food.
A few points as to where I am coming from. My mom sent her life-long horse to slaughter at the age of 22. Of course that was when she got $700 for him to put toward a new horse and he didn't have to travel to Mexico. So she and my dad are very pro-slaughter, even now. Earlier this year, my mom even suggested the fact that we'll probably have to send Beau and her horse (struggling with laminitis) to slaughter together. (And no one better dare call her heartless.) I grew up on a farm where we bottle fed calves into pets, and then butchered and ate them the next year. It's a cycle of life. It's an animal. That's how my family has operated. My dad would have a fit if we actually paid money to put a horse down, than go get $100 for it at the kill sale. My dad lives by the penny, and it's the only reason they are still farming and not backrupt after all these years like the rest of the neighbors.
I donít want to get into word and verbage technicalities, but since apparently I am a heartless disgusting person (which by the way, if you feel that strongly about me, donít waste your time reading my post), I want to point out that I did not say he was my best friend. I said the way I was feeling last night was as if a best friend had punched me. Call it aftershock or whatever you want to. But thatís the best way I could put it into words. Beau is independent and does his own thing and always has. Heís a horse. A teammate possibly, or a companion; but I donít consider horses to be friends to humans. That is just my opinion from my background. Either like it, or donít like it, but Iím entitled to my opinion just like you are entitled to yours.
Cherie --> I couldn't exactly punish him immediately the first time when I couldn't even stand up straight (doubled over) from the wind getting knocked out of me and the rope jerked out of my hand (I have a lovely hand burn today). Sure, I made him go round and round again after that when I regained my breath, but it wasn't immediate punishment that he should have gotten and I know he should have gotten it. But what am I supposed to do if I canít??? I certainly couldn't when I was lying on the ground after the second kick. He kicked me at least a couple feet, despite being pretty close to him. Would you be able to jump up after that and go at him? I couldn't. Iím sorry. I did the best I could and I know it wasnít good enough.
I agree 100% with the trailer loading because I've heard stories like that about the fires. But he is the only horse I've ever had that I couldn't train to load at a moment's notice. Like I said, he's always been like that, even when he was a colt. Most of the time he'll hop right into a stock trailer, but sometimes I still had to lunge him around a bit to get him on. Heís never been in a horse trailer incident. Iíve always praised him when he loaded and/or gave him a treat on the trailer and made it a pleasant place. He really doesnít have a reason not to go in, except for the fact that Iíve always struggled with that with him.
And I take full blame that his training has laxed this year because heís just been the pasture buddy. Iíve had my hands full enough this year with getting married, graduating from school, starting a new job, my grandma being in and out of the hospital, and getting used to this new horse, that Beau wasnít exactly a priority. But with this particular loading problem, I am just going to try to get him on my farrierís trailer calmly tonight, and then heís not getting on a trailer again until I take him to the vet to get put down (if that is what I decide to do). I honestly thought it was about $1,000 to euthanize a horse from what Iíve been told. I just called an hour ago, and the tech quoted me only about $300 for everything, including disposal (which I am still going to double check that because that just seems too low to me). Yea, maybe itís heartless and cruel and whatever else people want to call me. But Iím not going to stick time and money (and pain) into a horse that canít be anything more than a pasture buddy. If you want to take care of him for the next 7 or 8 years, come and get him. Because the place I board at only has room for 2 horses for me, and they are a fantastic retired couple. I have no intentions of leaving there.
He is on Bute. He has been getting 1 gram of powdered bute every single day since May as prescribed by the vet.
∞ē*˚ Βгįťţαňγ ˚*ē∞
It is not enough to know how to ride; one must know how to fall.