I really like the methods of Chris Irwin. You should check out his sample videos at statelinetack.com. He is all about sending the right messages to the horses using their language. He might be able to help you out. His videos are easy to understand and can only help to improve your relationship with the horse. It isn't about force. It's about gentle persuasion using the right aids and correct body language. He talks about playing horse games by their rules and not using force to get what we want.
Check it out!