He's normally ultra sensitive as well...you barely tap him with a crop and he acts like you are whipping him with a lunge line so it takes nothing to get him in that "anxiety mode" although he is slowly getting better.
That sounds like, IMO he's no where ready for being 'lunged' anyway. What is it you want him to learn with lunging?
I would personally get him 100% trusting of you & your 'toys' first & foremost, so he *knows* that you're not going to beat/kill him with the whip. I would be teaching him to yield(respond, not react) to steady, direct pressure in all sorts of ways first, before then teaching him to yield to implied(suggested, a wave of the rope/whip...) pressure, then when he's reliably responding(not reacting/escaping from) light suggestions, would gradually increase the distance until I'm 'lunging', to teach/reinforce him responding to me at a distance.
The BO thinks I should not only be able to lunge him w/t/c in there with no problem but should also be able to ride all three gates in there as well. i think she's CRAZY. She says my horse is just spoiled and I'm not hard enough on him
That's her problem(& unfortunately her horse's
), not yours. Even if what she says were true, it's your horse, so your choice to 'spoil' him! Don't let her dictate what you should be doing with your horse. If you're unsure, find a *good* trainer/instructor to help you.