Learn to think like a horse, for starters. I think the most loving thing you can do for this horse is to find her an experienced home, or at least give/lease her to someone experienced until you have gained a lot more yourself.
UpandAbove I have read through your threads and what a lot of people have told you is true! Horses are herd animals and want a leader that will make them feel safe. Look at wild horses, the stallion and lead mare are the two that lead/protect the herd. They have asserted their authority and that they are in charge. They notably have the most respect. If a horse does not feel that you are capable and in charge then they will take it upon themselves to be "the boss". A trainer is someone you really need right now to teach you how to handle her so you can be that "lead mare" which in turn will earn you respect, love and then you will gain that bond with her. Everyone can learn something from working with a trainer, even the most skilled horsemen/women. But you really need to do this because no one on this forum wants to see you get hurt!!
With the problems you are having with this horse , it's going to be hard to bond with her when you can't trust her to behave . Your inexperince is putting you in trouble. Horses aren't our "best friends" , they are animals , over 1000 lbs animals sometimes , and an animal that can hurt and kill you if not handled properly . It's not like a little puppy where love and affection can get you somewhere . Without respect I don't see you getting much bonding . I also have a feeling that besides being unruly in the saddle she is most likely a little unruly on the ground as well . Horses are wonderful magnificent creatures but should also be respected themselves and sweet heart this is not the one for you . Please do yourself and the horse a favor and find a home that can handle her before she learns to many more bad habbits .
Based on your other threads, it doesn't seem like a close call. My daughter is 14. If she tried to deal with my mare, she would have the same problem in about 10 minutes. In fact, that is longer than it took my mare to throw her the one time she DID try riding her - and my mare has never offered a buck to anyone else.
OTOH, she does great with my Appy gelding. He's 3/4 Arabian by breeding, but vastly more patient and forgiving.
Based on my personal learning curve, it could take a couple of years WITH a professional trainer's help to get you and your current horse to a point where real bonding is possible - and I've got what is probably a permanent back injury to go with it (at least, it still hurts daily after 3.5 years...)
My daughter riding our Appy - I don't approve of feet out of the stirrups, but it probably is OK with this particular horse.
If you want an animal that you can really have that kind of a love bond, in all honesty, get a dog. They are much easier to make them love you in that selfless way you are yearning for, and they aren't nearly as dangerous if you make training mistakes with them. You can go back to horses later if you like. But , in all seriousness, have you considered getting a dog instead?
Tinyliny I disagree with your dog advice. A poorly behaved dog ends up in the same place a poorly behaved horse does, in the ground. A poorly behaved dog can kill a person just like a horse. You need the respect of both animals before you get what you can choose to interpret as love. My horses whinny when I walk out the door and up to the barn. They do this not because they love me but because 90% of the time I walk out of the door I feed them or fuss over them and give them treats. Grady the lab follows me around the house, just like the cat follows me around the house because I fed them and give them attention.
Start with respect and build from there. It sounds like the horse in question has some behavior patterns that are worrying. How bad the behavior is depends on the riders interpretation. I think that thing loosely defined as love springs from respect and acceptance of ones self. Why is it so important that this animal loves you? A horse not loving you does not mean that you are a bad person.
A lot of people tend to put behaviors and emotions on animals and ignore the actual behavior. I worked with wolves for awhile. There was a visitor to the facility was convinced that the alpha wolf had a bond with them. The wolf followed them around the perimeter of the enclosure. The visitor saw love in the wolves actions. The staff saw an animal stalking potential prey. What you see as love in human world can be hunting or dominance behavior in that species. I would suggest speaking to a trainer and tabling love for the moment. Love is not going to make an animal do anything for you, loyalty will. You get loyalty by proving to them that you are the best choice for herd leader or the only choice for herd leader.
I agree with TL. A dog is much more likely to act lovingly. They have been bred for it for many, many years.
Some horses are fairly lovey-dovey, but the percentage is much, much lower. And even then, it is a very different relationship. I have no doubt my dogs would fight to protect my family & I. Horses only do that in movies. And a 30 lb dog is MUCH less dangerous when out of control than a 900 lb horse.