how do i bond with a horse - Page 2 - The Horse Forum
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post #11 of 20 Old 07-07-2012, 10:28 AM
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Horses don't 'love' like humans do. The horses you see galloping to the gate when their owner turns up, leaving their buddies to go see a human, willingly doing a humans every wish do so because they feel safe and secure in their human's company because they trust their human to keep dangerous things away and lead them safely through whatever poses a threat. That is a bond of respect, trust, and acceptance. It is not love. You won't see these horses doing what you have described in the other threads with the humans they have formed this relationship with. Once a horse is sequre in his 'herd', he wont usually want to challenge a humans dominance.

To me it sound like the arab you have described had been testing you, but you might not have picked up on this, or thought it was tiny, meaningless things. You probably let her get away with stuff while she was settling in because you wanted her to settle quicker. Its only natural to feel like this, and I know I have been guilty of this in the past, but it would be telling the horse your leadership and dominance isn't absoulute so she would have felt more insequre. When she tried bigger tests, then she became the dangerous horse you describe now.

Tbh, I would sell the horse and find one more suited to you, have a fresh start, cut your losses and learn from your mistakes. If you want something to pet and pamper buy different species of animal. But if you are really serious about keeping this horse get a professional to teach your horse to accept human leadership, and teach you how to properly handle the horse. I think you said you have a trainer coming out, but make sure they include you in the lessons, otherwise the horse will respect the trainer but not you. And make sure you have someone around when you're with this horse.
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post #12 of 20 Old 07-07-2012, 10:58 AM
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keep babying her, handfeeding her treats and handgrazing, letting her do whatever she wants on the leadline and under saddle, and eventually your face will bond with the ground.

A lot of people have given you solid advice about how to be a good young horsewoman, but you have rejected it and continued with your notion that you just want your horsey to love you. She does not love you, she wants to dominate you.

This is so dangerous and sad, it's not even funny.
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post #13 of 20 Old 07-07-2012, 11:20 AM
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I agree with everything stated above. You cannot get a horse to love you, until it respects you. plain and simple, thats the answer to your question. you want your horsey to love you, step up and be the leader its looking for, it needs in life. otherwise it will. and you'll get hurt. My advice is the same as everyone elses. cut your losses, sell this horse. and buy a push button horse to begin learning on. note i say BEGIN learning on.

Tho I would sugest putting horse owning on the side right now and start lessons. i'll be the first to admit, that if i had bought my horse 3 years ago, and noe 1 year ago. I wouldnt have been ready for him. and iv been around horses a long time.
Take the time to learn ground work, and learn how to be a leader in the saddle. and then buy a new horse.
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post #14 of 20 Old 07-07-2012, 12:58 PM
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Bonding isn't created by doing a special thing over and over it is a process that happens overtime when you love an animal so deeply that it becomes embedded in your heart. Grooms, give treats but not too many, clean your tack, hose her off, and do everything that you would normally do but better.
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post #15 of 20 Old 07-07-2012, 12:59 PM
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And I agree with what others have said about that horses do not necessarily love you but they respect you and they love what you give them and how you care for them.
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post #16 of 20 Old 07-07-2012, 01:36 PM
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I (and others) have responded on your other posting, but since you feel you need more advice... Here goes. You are asking the wrong question. Continuing to be concerned about whether or not she loves you could get you seriously hurt. Yes, you had a 30 year old horse that you loved on.... and that horse didn't take advantage of you. The horse was probably what we call dead broke. At thirty, it never occured to the horse to take advantage of you. Now you have a much younger arab who is sensitive and smart and TOTALLY knows that she runs you....not the other way around. This horse is not going to love you. Do you know anyone who loves someone they don't respect?????

Your problem is NOT that the horse doesn't love you. Your problem is that a 900-1,000 pound animal doesn't respect you. That's a much bigger problem because, without respect, this animal is capable of hurting or even killing you without even trying to be mean. Just by being a normal horse, she can hurt you. Horses are not people. They don't think like people. Stop thinking that they do.... and you'll be a lot safer. Meanwhile...forget love and think respect. You'll be a lot safer and live longer.
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post #17 of 20 Old 07-07-2012, 01:41 PM
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The advice to get rid of this horse is sound.

The advice to get another horse, is, at this point, bad advice.

Any horse will, if given the opportunity to by an owner/handler that wants the horse to "love them" and refuses to make them respect them, will behave in exactly the same way as the one you have is doing.

Case in point. We sold a Shetland to some people. Pony was cute as can be, and should have been fine pony, and would have been if new owners had had the sense God gave a goose.

But instead of keeping pony in line, they fed treats, babied him, "loved him" and wooled him around. Result was the pony became a monster, and we bought him back.

Was NOT the fault of the pony. Strictly the owners for NOT listening to the advice we gave them.

And incidentally, how long did it take for the pony to realize the jig was up? About 1 minute. No problems with him at all.
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post #18 of 20 Old 07-07-2012, 02:07 PM
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Originally Posted by bsms View Post
I agree with TL. A dog is much more likely to act lovingly. They have been bred for it for many, many years.

Some horses are fairly lovey-dovey, but the percentage is much, much lower. And even then, it is a very different relationship. I have no doubt my dogs would fight to protect my family & I. Horses only do that in movies. And a 30 lb dog is MUCH less dangerous when out of control than a 900 lb horse.
bsms, I would have said you were spot on with that second part, until last Saturday. My son had his 14th birthday party and there were several kids here (ages 13-15) that my horse wasn't familiar with. She only paid them minimal attention (until she realized they weren't coming to give her treats or scratches and then went about her business, ignoring them). Later in the afternoon they mass attacked my son with water balloons and water cannons. The three large family dogs merrily joined the fun, but my horse went nuts!

She only calmed down when I went to the fence with my son and then she actually pushed him sideways with her head, putting herself between he and the other kids, and pawed and snorted at the other kids, nuzzling my son's head intermittently like she thought he was hurt or something. It was bizarre and of course my camera battery was already dead at that point, so no vid!! :(

I had the kids put their gear down and come to the fence a couple at a time, so she could get acquainted with them and she calmed down and met them all, got some head and neck scratches and then was fine the rest of the day after that, even when they got loud and rambunctious. It was really strange.

The only other time I've seen her act like that was when we had a guy out to haul off some junk for us. I didn't go outside with him intially, as had told him where the stuff was and I was on a conference call when he got here and couldn't go out right away. She ran up and down along the fence baring her teeth, snorting, pawing etc, until I went outside and took him over to meet her and then she was fine the rest of the time he was here, even when I went back inside and left him to his work. Kind of strange, as I'd never seen a real, live horse act that you said, only in the movies. Until I saw it firsthand with my own horse. Like having a 1,000 lb guard dog I guess. :/
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post #19 of 20 Old 07-07-2012, 10:21 PM
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Originally Posted by arrowsaway View Post
A lot of people have given you solid advice about how to be a good young horsewoman, but you have rejected it and continued with your notion that you just want your horsey to love you.
I don't get why you've assumed OP has rejected all advice & 'continued' at all? Have I missed something, or have you?? She has certainly questioned advice, but I think that's smart - silly to just take anyone's advice blindly without understanding.
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post #20 of 20 Old 07-07-2012, 10:42 PM
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Relationships with horses work different ways depending on the horse. The thing about an honest and sincere relationship is you can't force it. You have to spend time with your horse, develop a partnership as Parelli would say... they explain how you need to treat your horse not as a lesser being but equal to you. This doesn't mean you can't teach your horse and guide it. I mean, just because you give advice to a friend or teach a friend something doesn't mean you are more powerful than them. You should try to invest time into your house through whatever discipline you do (if you do one) or at least through spending time with grazing, grooming, whatever you can. It is not a fake smile and a posed pat that will get you to a good relationship with your horse. It is effort, time, and a sincere desire to do so. I hope your relationship with your horse strengthens and I encourage you to share more about your journey as it continues.

God bless, englishaqh (:
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