how to find a happy medium?
   

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how to find a happy medium?

This is a discussion on how to find a happy medium? within the Horse Training forums, part of the Training Horses category
  • What are signs of affection from a horse?
  • I want to meet a happy medium with my horse

 
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    07-09-2010, 09:55 AM
  #1
Foal
how to find a happy medium?

Im kind of at a loss here. I don't know where to start. Hmm....well, i'll just say that my mare is very well trained. She goes good under saddle, she has great ground manners, and one of the things I find really satisfactory is that she's not herdbound. Even if the other horses run up and down the fenceline calling and screaming for her, the most she'll do is look at them and flick her ears towards them. But that's also part of the problem. She doesnt seem to bond well to anyone or anything. Its a blessing when it comes to other horses, but id like my horse to actually enjoy being with me. Oh, she's always done everything I ask. She's not aggressive or anything, she's never tried to kick or pin an ear at me and I know for sure that she respects me, but she doesnt like me. I feel like im being a bully to her, I get her respect, but she'll never truly like me. Sometimes I am a bit over-the-top strict and aggressive about things, but I want to make sure she wont be disrespectful and id rather her hate me and be well-mannered than let her walk all over me. I feel like im being a bit of a b*tch, but then one of the other horses is just naturally affectionate and seems to want to be with me all the time. Is it because my mare just isnt a bonding type? Or am I being a bit too tyrannical? I don't know how to find that happy medium of being a strong leader who doesnt take sh*t and a calm, level-headed leader who horses want to be around.
     
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    07-09-2010, 10:07 AM
  #2
Super Moderator
Some horses are just like that - they don't show emotions much. My qh is like that - pretty calm about me being around. On other hand my paint is all over her head when she sees me - she wants to hug, and kiss, and just be around. I treat them both about the same, but just very different personality.
     
    07-09-2010, 10:23 AM
  #3
Showing
My 24 y/o gelding sees me as the bringer of food, scritches, and the occasional treat. He's not unfriendly, but I know if I dropped dead tomorrow his only concern would be that someone else take over my duties!

Both the 6 y/o TB and 12 y/o Arabian geldings are all about affection. They'll vie for my attention, even if they're aware I don't have any food on me.

My heart horse loved me, but was never one for PDAs. He enjoyed a good grooming session, but hated if I hung all over him and smooched his face. He'd tolerate it, but with ears back and a long-suffering look on his face.

Horses have different personalities. As long as your mare behaves well and has a good work ethic, you shouldn't lose any sleep over whether or not she thinks your company is the best thing since sliced bread.
     
    07-09-2010, 09:58 PM
  #4
Yearling
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hello    
Im kind of at a loss here. I don't know where to start. Hmm....well, i'll just say that my mare is very well trained. She goes good under saddle, she has great ground manners, and one of the things I find really satisfactory is that she's not herdbound. Even if the other horses run up and down the fenceline calling and screaming for her, the most she'll do is look at them and flick her ears towards them. But that's also part of the problem. She doesnt seem to bond well to anyone or anything. Its a blessing when it comes to other horses, but id like my horse to actually enjoy being with me. Oh, she's always done everything I ask. She's not aggressive or anything, she's never tried to kick or pin an ear at me and I know for sure that she respects me, but she doesnt like me. I feel like im being a bully to her, I get her respect, but she'll never truly like me. Sometimes I am a bit over-the-top strict and aggressive about things, but I want to make sure she wont be disrespectful and id rather her hate me and be well-mannered than let her walk all over me. I feel like im being a bit of a b*tch, but then one of the other horses is just naturally affectionate and seems to want to be with me all the time. Is it because my mare just isnt a bonding type? Or am I being a bit too tyrannical? I don't know how to find that happy medium of being a strong leader who doesnt take sh*t and a calm, level-headed leader who horses want to be around.

A partner is someone that you work together with and has the choice to do so.

Do you have other relationships in your life that meet your expectations?
     
    07-09-2010, 10:05 PM
  #5
Weanling
They all have different personalities. My QH is like that too as long as someone brings the food. I have a Morgan that screams for me from the gate. It used to bother me that my QH wasn't affectionate towards me. I now look at it differently he is the strong silent type that does his job and does it well. He is a good partner. The Morgan is a little needy a good hugger and kisser but needs his hand held. Both are good at different times. Love them for who they are - Oh and my mini he is just a biter even though he loves me the most!!
     
    07-10-2010, 06:29 AM
  #6
Yearling
One of my ponies gets beside himself with excitement when he sees me coming he has to literally slobber all over me and glue himself to my side its cute but annoying. The rest enjoy the company when I groom them and go out to them etc but I know they don't hate me.
My heart horse however tolerates me on the ground doesnt particularly like me grooming and stuff puts up with it really. But LOVES being under saddle she will prance and try soo hard under saddle.
Its weird but I suppose each to there own!!
     
    07-10-2010, 06:50 AM
  #7
Green Broke
You could just have a very laid back horse. If so, it has nothing to do with liking you and probably nothing to do with the way you treat her. Our seasoned lead mare is like this...she's the go anywhere, do anything horse, as close to bombproof as you can get. She likes being brushed and getting a carrot or apple, but she'll never come running to the gate for it.
If she works well under saddle with you, be happy! These are the type of horses that folks that have been bucked off or tired of fighting with their horses die to have.
     
    07-10-2010, 08:15 AM
  #8
Weanling
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hello    
Im I don't know how to find that happy medium of being a strong leader who doesnt take sh*t and a calm, level-headed leader who horses want to be around.
I think a horse would rather have a strong silent leader over a kissy affectionate one. I am the kissy affectionate type so I work hard at being calm confident and someone I would want to follow. If your life depended on your leader (in your horses mind his does) than the leader you would want would be a confident strong silent in charge type that doesn't except sh-- wishy washy decisions. I think you probably have a good relationship with this horse and she is just a silent type herself.
     
    07-10-2010, 09:20 AM
  #9
Green Broke
Your mare sounds like mine. We've been together since she was 6 or 7 , she's 21 now. Always did as asked, behaved on ground, but not affectionate or at least didn't demonstrate affection in our terms.

I'd say in the past few years she has started to demonstrate affection. Soft look in her eyes when she sees me. Whinnies when I'm out and about the farm. Let's me "hug" her (she puts her head over my shoulder and hugs). For T this is big. I've always been the same with her, consistency is important, and so is fairness. Like you I am firm about certain things (they are just too large to allow foolishness), but not over the top unless warranted, and then I'm right back to my norm with them.

Some horses take many years before they decide to allow that closeness, some never do, but that doesn't mean they don't like being with you. Personally I think you have a great horse by the sounds of things. Let time show what can happen. Just continue to be consistent and fair/firm. Horses prefer a strong, balanced leader over a wishy washy lovey inconsistent leader.
     
    07-10-2010, 11:13 AM
  #10
Weanling
How long have you had your horse for? I've had my pony 11 years and just over the last two has she really started to show any signs of affection towards me. She's an all business type horse but if you look closely enough you'll pick up on her subtle cues. She'll never be one to lick the side of your head but she likes a good scratch and a hug every now and then.
     

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