Thanks everyone! I so appreciate the advice!
I think the main point about all of this is that I need someone else to approach her. She is fine with me...will ground tie. Stand stock still when I'm working around her and is pretty darn good with her ground manners. When it is me.
She's even quite good with the farrier because I think she sees him way more often than the vet. So I think I need to desensitize her with strangers rather than work on this solely by myself.
Although...I do like the idea of the toothpick. But again, I'm thinking if it's me working on her with that...she's used to me and seeks me out as her herd leader because she is so shy. She hides behind me when my gelding turns an ear back at her when I'm there. It's like...Mom! Save me! Kinda of funny really. So I think me + toothpick would take about 10 minutes for her to accept. And not really representative of how it would be when the vet is involved.
So I think the key is...having a 'stranger' approach her with the scary pointy thing!
Now...I just have to find volunteers for this! I've got my DH and a neighbour who can help me.
My vet totally gets it though and I cannot stress enough how wonderful he is with her. So very calm with such a soothing voice. It really is just a 5 minute 'battle' to get her to stand...but is also not right. I need to fix this and I think with all of your responses I have a good starting point. Work with a stranger!