I feel mad at myself for expectations and my riding
 
 

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I feel mad at myself for expectations and my riding

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  • I get really mad at my horse
  • I feel myself riding

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  • 1 Post By mom2pride
  • 1 Post By Klassic Superstar

 
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    01-01-2012, 02:22 AM
  #1
Green Broke
Unhappy I feel mad at myself for expectations and my riding

Well it's almost the new year I have been neglecting to post on oliver's journal here with everything going on.

So will put it all on here while I wait for the barn laundry to finish drying

So my last post was on the 21st of november. That was my last ride on Oliver before he gotbreally sick. He started coughing in the lesson, only once and at the end of the lesson then got a really gooky nose, caugh kept worsening and we waited to see if he could kick the cold, I had gotten him a warmer blanket with a insulated hood, and we kept an eye on him. Well he got better then suddenly took a turn for the worse and on the last day of my finals when I got out there he could barley walk without coughing his nose was so bad and he was so depressed. When he coughed he would have to splay his legs to hold himself up and would start shaking, I had already put a call into the vet that morning before my classes to get him out there again to see him. As soon as I saw his condition (as in walked into the barn to hear him hacking up a lung) I called the vet saying he needed to get out ASAP. I had to wait 3and half hours in the freezing cold till he got out there and as soon as he put his stethoscope to his ribcage he started coughing. He almost collapsed and he had to hold him up. He got diagnosed with pneumonia. He had fluid in his air ways and lungs. He got shot up with drugs like non other and then was put on close watch. I was feeling likema horriable mommy but was reassured by my vet that it was actually good we didn't shoot him up with drugs so his body could try it's best to fight it off. So after a very very long two weeks he is tons better. No coughing. No gross nose. He alert, happy, talkative again, running around like a fool with a attitude when turned out. His last day on his meds was christmas eve :) I got the clear to start working him when he was done with his meds. We didn't want to throw him straight back to riding...even though he would have loved to haha! So we started him back lunging him and the. Hand walking up and down the drive way, wow was he fresh!! Broke away a few times on the lunge line, wouldn't let me catch him in the pasture a couple times, would jog in place on our walks. He never once coughed or really got out of breath except when he got loose on the lunge line..grrr.

It was so stressful and emotional. All this on my first time of college finals, while he was sick he somehow bashed his face....and split his lip all the way through. It was like his front kegs gave out and his face caught his fall...or rather his front lip. Couldn't find anything he caught it on. It wasn't swollen or bloody, his teeth are just fine, vet said there wasn't really anything we or he could do but watch for infection. So at the time I had a sick horse with an3 inch straight hole all the way through in his lip

If I wasn't already getting enough little sleep I had a friend of mines husband committ sucide a 4 days before christmas. So really iv been trying to be cool and collected and I was..I was doing pretty great till tonight when I just lostbit and couldn't stop crying.

Today Err...yesterday now that's it's like 2am I had my first ride back on Oliver. My traier worked himmon Wensday and said he was great. So when I got on after lunging him he emmidaitly was bulging his shoulder out, graving the bit and his lower back was so tight it felt like a cement block. We did alot if walking warm up of getting him to realxe and relax his shoulders then hips but he wasn't at all listening to my leg, and not really fighting me....but idk. He was trying really hard and I just felt like my key wasnt working. I got so so frustrated but I knew I couldnt get mad at him cause he was really trying and for his first lesson back from so long off I couldn't expect him to be where he was before but omg I didn't think I would feel like I was such a crap of a rider and it just made everything come up and as soon as I got in the car I burst into tears.

I know it want him being bad, he's green, had alot if time off and it was the first lesson after all of the bad stuff happening.

He tried so hard and was really a good boy after our warm up and I got myself to stop and just realxe and stop over riding. I know alot of it has tons to do with my last horse and how she was so unpredictable and hurt me twice pretty darn bad in the two years of owning her. He's not at all unpredictable he was very lazy in this lesson haha not surprising with how he was before he was sick!

We did some good trot work when I started to relax and wow what a difference, really just made me more frustrated with myself and how my mind just goes into fear mode or something....not really fear but defensive mode incase he where to suddenly do something cause of all the time off and how he was going on the lung and then also in the pasture.

We did really good on our trot serpentines and eneded on a good note so I really shouldn't be beating myself up so freaking hard but I couldn't help it.

So here's to Oliver and instarting fresh and all new (and healthy!!!!) in 2012!!!! Thanks for reading my novel! And now we are all updated. I will have a couple pictures of our ride on here on Tuesday morning.
     
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    01-01-2012, 03:05 AM
  #2
Foal
I am so happy for you. Sometimes it just feels like you have so much on your plate and finally have a break down, happens to me occasionally. I am also a college student trying to balance a job and my horses lol, so yes I understand..But it's the new year so time to try to start fresh :) can't wait for the pics!!
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    01-01-2012, 03:12 AM
  #3
Green Broke
Thank you :)
     
    01-01-2012, 03:15 AM
  #4
Showing
I'm glad he's doing better and it's alright to feel like everything is falling apart, so long as you breathe through it and find ways to smile. May 2012 bring you and Oliver lots of amazing good times!
     
    01-01-2012, 08:05 PM
  #5
Trained
Wow that's a lot to have dealt with in a short time...I wouldn't beat yourself up too badly! It's a new year, so it's a fresh start...Go out and give your horse a hug, and breathe deeply, keep your chin up and press on!!!

I can relate in some ways, since I have been really sick the past 5 months, lost my job over it, haven't been able to ride my horse a whole lot, and am uncertain of what the future holds; but I am hopeful that all of this has a reason, so I am trying hard to not let it get me down too much! I am pushing on, pressing foward and am hoping for the best!!!
tinyliny likes this.
     
    01-01-2012, 09:45 PM
  #6
Trained
I feel your pain ! Im a total perfectionist with my mare and when things don't go well I get frustrated. Hopefully your next ride is better =]
     
    01-01-2012, 09:59 PM
  #7
Green Broke
Thanks you guys! Means so much to me! After falling apart I relized how much hevwas really taking care of me in that ride!!

Yesterday while working out at the barn I just stood at the fence watching Oliver and his buddy gator graze and eat blackberry leaves. Then they took off running around and I relized how greatful I am to have lucked out finding him, we both saved each other in more ways then one! I'll have pictures up on Tuesday.

Thanks for reading and the support!
Skyseternalangel likes this.
     

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