Have you tried petting around her ears with something like a curled up lead line or something with "legs" and happen to accidentally touch a part of ear here and there once every few passes? If she's okay with you touching near her ears, she might just be doing it for the drama at this point. If you sneak it up on her, she might act differently.
If that doesn't work, how about that exercise I've seen Clinton Anderson do with flicking the soft cotton lead line gently at the horse, first at the back, then withers, up the neck, occasionally up by the ears, but retreating to lower parts if necessary until the horse is standing calmly? I think he calls is approach and retreat if you want to look it up.
You just have to see your distance...you don't have to like it.