I've had horses off and on for a long time. It seems the older I get the more fearful I get. I've been through 3 horses in the past couple of years. I'm not happy with my mare, but I'm realizing it isn't all her fault. When riding if she miss steps, side steps any kind of acting up even if it is small I get scared. I almost get into a panic state. My question is how do I over come this? I'm tired of selling and trying to buy a perfect horse. I know almost all horses will challenge you to get out of work and once they do the challanges get harder and their behavior gets worse. How do I push past my fear and nip it in the bud. I almost feel the fear is paralyzing me. I'm so scared if I push my mare she will buck me off or rear and I will get hurt that I don't really make her do anything. Most times if I'm by myself I'll get off her and lounge her. I know that it is bad but don't know what else to do.
I know a lot of you will say get a trainer but I haven't been able to find one other then a high dollar barrel raced trainer. He only takes clients horses and trains them for barrels. I just want to be able to ride on trails.
If anyone has gone through this fear and conquered it please tell me how you did it. I'm in my 50's and this is getting worse with time.