Maybe we just dont 'click'... - Page 2

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Maybe we just dont 'click'...

This is a discussion on Maybe we just dont 'click'... within the Horse Training forums, part of the Training Horses category

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        09-27-2009, 10:49 AM
    It is hard to see the little things sometime, I have owned my Mustang for 3 1/2 years and sometimes I feel I am not what he needs or wants. What I did in the beginning was keep a journal of everything we were working on and even the smallest accomplishment . I have been a little lazy on keeping it up to date but a few days ago while going through past entries it is very clear to me that we have come a very long way indeed : ) It took him 9 months to nicker to me the first time and it was the most awesome feeling .
    I agree with Spirithorse : )
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        09-27-2009, 10:53 AM
    I believe your outlook and energy (positive or negative) is going to ultimately be the deciding factor here. Deep down if you're not having a good time with Chance anymore she knows that and therefore, she's not going to want to do anything for you. Horses require lots of patience and good energy, especially if they have been through abusive/neglectful situations, as it sounds like Chance has. Think of children who were abused in their childhood, they're messed up for life! It's not any different with horses. It may take 6 years before she feels like she can unconditionally trust you. That is part of owning a rescue horse. I'd say if you're not up for the challenge (that may reoccur for the rest of her life) then you should sell her.
        09-27-2009, 05:34 PM
    At the risk of sounding slightly insane or daft, I am going to say that to a certain extent, it's like relationships with people. If you're stressing and worrying all the time about whether you have a good relationship with your partner, you won't do you, your partner, or the relationship any good. With the horse, focus on being a good horsewoman, being clear and reasonable in your expectations, improving your equine communication skills, and a bond will develop on its own. If you obsess and stress over it, the stress will get channeled into how you are around the horse and will be a barrier to a "bond" developing. Same is true for people as well. Be more zen like, or horse-like even, about it. Your horse probably doesn't stand around with her mates in the field complaining, "I don't know about my person, man. I don't think she loves me." (or maybe they do, though chances are what they're actually saying is, "My person asks me to stop at jumps by pulling on the reins and going behind my motion every time we go up to one and then when I do stop, she hits me with the whip. What a tool"). The horse takes things as they come. In this instance, so should you and take her as she is. Sounds as if you have done a good job with her thus far and if you can get a badly abuse horse to be reasonably happy and cooperative, you're doing really well. Just don't stress over how much she loves you. Toleration is half the battle. :)
        09-28-2009, 01:47 PM
    Green Broke
    Thanks everyone :)

    I think im definitely over thinking it! She's been showing a lot of trust in me lately and almost layed down for me :) And for the first time even when someone was in the barn already, when she saw me she nickered! FIRST TIME. Usually its when she's left alone, but this time someone was already there. So I know that one was just for me :)

    She so smart. Even people who have ridden her a while back couldnt trick her because she knows what ur going to do before you even do it. Its amazing really. I need to focus more on me and what im doing, not on how she's looking at me :P!

    Me and Chance have made it further then I ever thought possible. Gone from completely insane/unrideable, to a horse that can jump 3', trail ride and ride in a halter :)

    Thanks again :)
    Even with all her mareishness and dominance I don't think I could see me with out her.
        09-28-2009, 02:17 PM
    Chance's Mum,
    You rescued a horse which life had treated badly.
    In reading your posts, you have done amazingly well with her. But she has not been very affectionate and you feel hurt. Now you get a snigger and it means so much.

    I, and thousands of others, understand exactly how you feel. I, for myself, can even add that my "ungrateful" mare has even had me off her back 4 times because she was frightened by paper bags (or similar) - even after 18 months of my pandering to her every whim.
    You are not alone.

    BUT - think where she would be if you had not rescued her.
    And think where she would be if she had been "rescued" by a less sympathetic owner.
    And think what might be the chain of events if you passed her on to a new owner. You can't do that. No way.

    Two Points to remember
    1/ Horses don't have emotions like humans - sorry the best you can really hope for is a nudge for a treat or a lick of the hand for the salt in human sweat. Anything more is a bonus.
    A horse's role in a human's life is sometimes to be the object of affection rather than the giver of affection.

    2/ We talk about horses being prey animals - "they are born to run away" - so everyone says - "from the predators". Now that statement isn't quite true in many respects but perhaps the biggest is that the horse's main predator in this life isn't some sabre toothed tiger it is man.
    Don't forget, in France you'll still find butcher's shops which specialise in selling horsemeat for human consumption.
    Your horse knows well who its main predator is - it was maltreated by humans. Chance knows when to be wary.

    SO if the horse does, from time to time, every now and again give you a low snigger - just think how privileged you are.

    Keep it going girl. You are doing great especially with a creature that can't understand a word you say.

    Barry G
        09-28-2009, 05:45 PM
    Originally Posted by Barry Godden    
    A horse's role in a human's life is sometimes to be the object of affection rather than the giver of affection.
    Very true! Why else would we have horses?!
        09-28-2009, 06:00 PM
    Originally Posted by Barry Godden    
    1/ Horses don't have emotions like humans - sorry the best you can really hope for is a nudge for a treat or a lick of the hand for the salt in human sweat. Anything more is a bonus.
    A horse's role in a human's life is sometimes to be the object of affection rather than the giver of affection.
    Bingo!!! We have a winner!! Thank you Barry for saying that.
        09-28-2009, 07:38 PM
    If she had such a rough past, and heaven knows we can never fully know what's gone on in a horse's life, she may just need more time to 'meet you half way'.

    With my last horse, Pride, we had a great partnership, but I didn't really know how fabulous is was until I moved him to the last boarding place he was at, and one day after I had put him back out in the pasture he stayed at the gate while I walked back to the car...I went back to the gate, and spent a few more moments with him, and when I went to leave, again, he stood there for a while, but when I reached the car he finally joined the rest of the herd. He had never done that in 3 years of owning him. He would come up and greet me most of the time, but he had never, ever, stayed at the gate waiting for more affection long after I was done playing with him.

    You may just have to wait a while longer for it, and when it comes, you will know. I know it can seem like other people have a better relationship with your horse, but really, how much of a working relationship can someone have if they aren't out there everyday like you are? She may be more curious with them simply because they are there, but she may not work as well for them on a daily basis.
        09-28-2009, 07:54 PM
    Green Broke
    I personally think horses don't love humans. Not in the way we love them, or the way that we love others. You can form an understanding and I think that is what "clicking" is. An understanding of each other from each of you.

    A rare horse may actually somewhat like the human, be it because of food, interest, or they may even view them as the extension of their herd - or their leader.

    The fact is most horses won't "love" you, and many won't particularly like you. Many people have horses that they ride and don't particularly like or know, and they do fine.

    If you think you are done with a horse then get a new one. I imagine the kinder, more food orientated and curious natured horse would be the one that would appear to "love" their owner the most. So look for a horse like that if that is what you want.
        09-28-2009, 08:19 PM
    Green Broke
    ", how much of a working relationship can someone have if they aren't out there everyday like you are? She may be more curious with them simply because they are there, but she may not work as well for them on a daily basis. " -- I never thought of that, that's true. Im sure if they interacted with her every day she would loose interest.

    Today I just groomed her, and she was very lovey today, she was putting her head in my chest and just slowly breathing while I pet her. :) it was really nice. She also really trusted me with her back feet, usually she would snap them underneath her quick but time she stayed calm and just let me pick them up and do w.e I needed and put them back down and keep it rested!

    I think its probably because I wasnt thinking about it, and when I did see her ears pin I would send her head away from me till she put them up :)

    Horses may not love like humans do but, when they love you they really love you. I've seen amazing relationships between horse and human.

    About the rescue thing. -- that's why I could never sell her even when I DID want to. I would put her up for sale, then take it all down because I was so terrified of where she would go .. would she be bounced around and could she ever trust again. Me and Chance have gone to 3 different barns. This recent barn I moved to, when they drove in she was freaking out like mad she never did that the last time we moved. And calling and calling. And I couldnt figure out WHY. The second I opened up the side door, it ALL stopped. She just look at me with a OMG YOU HERE!!!! Kinda look. She was still on edge but she stopped freaking out. I thought it was the most amazing thing.

    I guess I've gotta learn not to take her attitude she has some days so personally. I forget some days where we were 2 years ago.

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