The million dollar question.....

Keep or sell???

I have had my mare for nearly 4years now. She is the sweetest creature you will ever encounter!! Very loving and a complete softy!Shes never a problem to have around and I absolutely love her to bits!

BUT

She persistantly causes problems for herself which in turn makes a problem for me! I am desperate to go out and compete LOADS! I want to event and also compete dressage and sj seperately. She has a huge jump and has been jumping fab but seems to have lost all interest or confidence in herself and is now battering my confidence also (which was zilch anyway). She is a big pole roller!!

Also she has always been a problem to load and really picks and chooses when she wants to play and when she doesnt. She never hots up or stresses either loading or once on and travelling, but I think she likes to make my life difficult!
She goes out and consistantly gets 70% in her dressage tests and always 9's for her canter, and is a huge hit with the judges but the whole loadin problem shadows the whole experience. She has recently taken to going on the lorry first time but has now decided that reversing off at high speed is the way to go and so I now have to go through sorting this probelm out? Grrr

I know they all have their problems but each time I iron one out she creates another and now I feel like time is running short for me to get out there and do the things I want to do. She will hack all day long and school, xc, show, dressage but I am not sure whether to call it a day with her and buy something that does exactly what it says on the packet? Or something that has done a little more as I have had her from baby and produced her myself.

I love her to bits and its the hardest decision I've ever had to make but its a thought that wont go away.

What do you guys think I should do???

A very sad,

Elz x

If you believe in her, you keep working with her on the trailering issues.

Sometimes horse owners can pass on their anxiety to their horse so maybe she is feeling your anxiety over loading and is feeding off of that so once you get her in a relax, she is cool. I would suggest having someone else load her a couple times for you when you are not around, hard I know, and ask them how she was.

This is going to be a hard decision but just remember that all horses are living, breathing creatures with minds of their own. There is rarely ever going to be a perfect horse, but good luck and you will make the right decision.

Just curious, how do you have a "yes or no" poll for an "either, or" question?

Sorry my bad, that comes from trying to cook dinner and keep dashing back to write my post! Hahaha

Lets say the question is

Should I keep her??

Yes or no

That cool?

Sorry guys!!!

Yeh she's loads fab now straight on first time!! But the new thing is im going to ram my way out backwards at high speed and nearly kill you all under the ramp! Haha Not funny!

She used to load perfectly into a trailer, so it being cheaper than a lorry I went for a trailer. I had to save every last penny to get her one! 2 months after travelling fine and loading fine into it, my friend offered me a lift with her in her lorry. Fine- Flo loaded like an angel. But when it came to asking her to go in my trailer again she simply would not have it!

SO I had to find the money to get her a lorry. Fine she loaded like a dream for ages. But then all of a sudden she decided she didnt want to and would stand with both front feet on the ramp and not budge backwards or forwards.

NOW we go on fab, everytime! But once on she may decide to run off backwards at any minute and with the size of her there is absolutely nothing you can do to stop her.

Also some days she will jump fab and others she will just keep stopping or kicking the fences out.

So I got to asking myself is she what I really want/need or am I just wasting my time, and would she be better off being a ladys hack as she adores hacking!? And am I being unfair to keep asking her to do things that she doesnt seem to enjoy all the time?

Grrrr....so frustrating! Hehe Im not expecting any horse to be perfect but surely there is one out there that will do just the few things I ask....
Load nicely, travel well, jump sj/xc and have decent flat work potential? I don't mind if they just hate traffic and wont hack, I don't mind needing them sedated to be clipped and all those other things!
I will def try the get somebody else to try and load her when im not there though!! Thank you for that idea! She may well just be playing up to mommy!

Elz x

Be patient. If the loading is the main issue you can deal with it - will just take time. My horse was terrified of trailer in April. After that it took me 3 month, EVERY day to work with her on loading before I made a 1st trip (2 miles around the neighborhood). It was very, VERY frustration as she was OK to load before. I also used a trainer who worked her through the main fear, which helped me A LOT on a way. Personally, I'd recommend to get a trainer who is REALLY good at the loading problem horses.

Only knowing what I can gather from your posts, I am thinking the problem is you rather then your horse. Everything I am hearing is that your horse is spoiled; not by carrots or cookies but by being allowed to get away with something.

As an example my horses need to learn to get into whatever trailer I have or a friend's trailer if that happens to be the case that day. There is no "gee maybe they will today, or maybe not". Loading a horse means we are going somewhere so I don't have the time to waste. If it is a different trailer, then I'll take a little more time to let him investigate - but he IS going on.

Horses are inherently lazy. They will do whatever they can to avoid work and if we let them it leads to behavioral problems. We can work with a horse until he does what we need him to do but the moment we relax, he will revert. They are also very intuitive to us and can tell if we are apprehensive, nervous, or determined.

Don't misunderstand me, horses may be lazy but they also want to please their handler IF they have respect for them. I would almost bet the ranch that if you had a good trainer work with him just once or twice, you would see a different horse - until you got back on. What it comes down to is, IMHO, you do not have the respect of your horse and he'll do what you want until he decides that he's had enough then it becomes a contest - guess what ... he always wins.

You seem to have a talented horse so I would start with a trainer who will work with both of you. He needs to be taught respect and you need to learn how to demand it. It is going to be more difficult then normal since you have years of history to overcome.

Anyway, that's my take on it.

Yep that's exactly it! But I rarely let her get away with anything. In fact everyone on my yard says how strict I am with both of mine. But where the big battles come into it (i.e. Loading) I've never won completely so we constantly have problems!

My gelding which I've had from a 5month old is now 5yrs and absolutely perfect! He never questions what I ask of him. Not even loading, having his first clip, etc etc etc He will do absolutley anything for me but she is a diferent kettle of fish all together. Sometimes she does and sometimes she doesnt, but I can never call her bluff and win whatever arguement she starts. She is a big old cow bag!! Lol

We don't seem to have anybody, trainer wise, that specialises in bad loaders or horses with a lack of respect shal we call it.

The only other person who has loaded her was my old yard owner (He had to go and pick her up from a show where I might add she had to spend the night because she would go back on the trailer), I think really played the determination card beacuse when I got back from work she was in her stable all tucked up and sweaty and had given herself colic from getting so silly. So that caused even more agro for us.

She hasnt since not gone on....even if it meant hours of waiting usually, she has always gone on but in her own sweet time! And its always a worry for me in the back of my mind. Especially with me being a nervous wreck prior to each comp after a huge accident years back. Which probably gets through to her! Where as my gelding doesnt seem to bother and just kind of sooths my worries rather than add to them.

Anybody know of somebody that could help me and my mare in the uk, midlands area??

She really sounds like a stubborn little kid but it should never come to that. I don't think you can change the situation by yourself - there are years of her getting the upper hand for that to change without a trainer.

BTW, that is another reason I prefer geldings. If a mare takes to you, she is the best companion you can have, but if she thinks she is in control, then you have a long way to go and a constant battle of wills.

I'm afraid I can't help at all here, but I just thought I'd say that you seem like one of the closest Horseforum members to me! There's someone who lives in Swansea, but as I live near Cardiff I'm not that far from you either xD

It's nice to see some people from round this part of the world. Good luck with your horse!