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Mother knows best?

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    06-24-2012, 08:51 PM
  #1
Foal
Mother knows best?

Hi, My mare who I'm training for showmanship, is such a doll. She's amazing and gives everything 100%. Well, anyways, my mom help me work sometimes, but my dad is almost always there and helps me. Today, he was going to come, but had to mow the lawn. So, my mom came. I wasnt ASKING for her help, but she offered what she thought was right.
Okay, here's the thing about mom. She has had NO experience with horses AT ALL. She's only into it because I am. She's always lived in town and has had one dog. She didn't even like horses. My mom is the type of person who thinks she knows all. I've been researching horses and studying horses since second grade. But apperently, internet sites are giving her every little piece of info she knows. But she's throwing all these things at me.
Well today I wasn't praising her as much as usual, and giving her more verbal cues. Squaw was great, and paying attention. So I got upset and started arguing with my mom so mom made me put her away. I barely worked with her. Only like 10 minutes. I don't have all the time in the world to train her. It's such crap. I'm getting fed up with her being a know it all. Help please!
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    06-24-2012, 08:58 PM
  #2
Showing
Quote:
Originally Posted by PaintGirl7    
But apperently, internet sites are giving her every little piece of info she knows. But she's throwing all these things at me.
Well today I wasn't praising her as much as usual, and giving her more verbal cues. Squaw was great, and paying attention. So I got upset and started arguing with my mom so mom made me put her away. I barely worked with her. Only like 10 minutes. I don't have all the time in the world to train her. It's such crap. I'm getting fed up with her being a know it all. Help please!
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Care to go into more detail? What upset you, did she say something ridiculous?

If so she's your mom. You've gotta respect her, so respectfully disagree or smile and nod and continue on.

Is there a reason you were looking for help though, from your dad?

My parents take the student approach, and ask me for clarification. They've been good about not trying to act as though they know more than me.. which is nice but regardless I always try and respect them even if they say something dumb like "Can your horse rear cause it's SO cool!"

Maybe you just jump the gun too quickly and don't consider her intentions. Moms love to help, it seems, and sometimes we replace that for "they're nagging us when we know better" ya know?

Since I'm a stranger to you, I don't know your mom and her tendencies so I've got to draw my own conclusions from what you tell me, same about you as well.
     
    06-24-2012, 09:00 PM
  #3
Trained
Afraid we can't help you learn to get along with your mother. You have to sort that out for yourself. I find that(well, after I grew up & realised that a. Yelling didn't help & b. My mother wasn't actually quite as stupid as I thought she was when I was a teen) rationally discussing our different opinions is the best way to come to happy conclusions.
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    06-24-2012, 09:12 PM
  #4
Foal
@Skyseternalangel - she tells me things in a tone of voice that's like, "this should be obvious". And then she accuses me for not doing something. I just tune her out and focus on my horse. But she's always been like this. I look for help from my dad because he is more open to learning, while teaching, with patience and kind words. He doesnt make it seem like I should know everything already.
My mom is just... Hippocritical. She accuses me of telling her some stuff, making me seem like the know it all. But then she goes off and is like the know it all.
It's just so annoying...
     
    06-24-2012, 09:14 PM
  #5
Foal
@loosie - well, thank you for that anyways :)
     
    06-24-2012, 09:27 PM
  #6
Started
Maybe you could sitdown with her one day and calmly and rationally talk things over with her? Explain to her how it makes you feel when she does what she does, and explain t her what she does that makes you feel like that. Sometimes om'sdon't understand what they are doing that is so frustrating. She thinks she's helping you, but doesn't seem to quite know how to approach it when she doesn't know something that you do.

Um... that's all I got, lol... good-luck!
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    06-24-2012, 09:34 PM
  #7
Showing
Yeah moms are like that good practice for controlling your own emotions for when you get stuck with a really bad boss or supervisor at work
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    06-24-2012, 09:35 PM
  #8
Trained
Daughter and I are like oil and water when it comes to the horses. Less now than when she was a teen-but we still are. She is 26, and I yanked her off my horse last week. Your mom may well be one the same page I am. If I don't like her attitude, she won't be riding. Period. I don't know you, but in my case, she is impatient with the horses. Then gets snotty. Difference is-MY horse-My rules. But, the similarity is-you cannot give mom attitude. Period. Ignoring her is attitude, IMO. Why not talk in the car on the way to the barn about what you might be working on that day with your horse so mom knows? Maybe that will help. If you have a trainer, maybe watching lessons helps also.

Either way, teen girls and moms are a tough situation. Evenually you will get it.
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    06-24-2012, 09:40 PM
  #9
Started
Ya I know how it feels to get frustrated with your mom. When I used to talk to my mom about horses, she would always say: But how can you have a relationship with a horse if you don't own him? You CAN'T have a relationship with a horse if he isn't yours.
Thing is there's no convincing her and that drives me crazy. Anywho, lol, mom's will be mom's and Sky is right about the part that sometime we mistake their help for "they think they know all".
As tempting as it might be, don't shout out your annoyance. ;) (or maybe that's just my habit) Try to discuss this issue with her. I know sometimes talking doesn't seem to work, but she may be more aware of this if you do. Maybe she doesn't realize.
     
    06-24-2012, 09:44 PM
  #10
Showing
Oh and moms never change.. mine ALWAYS has to be right.. and she accuses me of always having to be right (which when I know my stuff, I don't back down!) but when it's about my horse, she takes a seat and is open to learning.
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