Mother knows best? - Page 2

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Mother knows best?

This is a discussion on Mother knows best? within the Horse Training forums, part of the Training Horses category

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        06-24-2012, 10:58 PM
    I don't know you and I don't know your mom. I know my mom. I know it can be hard for us when our mothers over-share advice and opinions. Keep in mind that your mother has feelings too and she probably just wants to be involved in your life. That said, I would consider getting a video camera. Have your mother record your ride. Her commentary will be caught on video too. Then you can both watch the video. She can see how much her commentary runs. You can see if she is seeing things that you are missing while you are controlling the horse.
    loosie and Hidalgo13 like this.
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        06-24-2012, 11:13 PM
    Originally Posted by franknbeans    
    Either way, teen girls and moms are a tough situation. Evenually you will get it.
    Hmmm, got a few years to go yet & dreading it! My girls are my best friends at the moment & I'm trying to make sure we have an open, respectful(to eachother) relationship before it starts, but....
    Skyseternalangel likes this.
        06-24-2012, 11:29 PM
    Some stay that way Loosie-we will keep fingers crossed.
    loosie likes this.
        06-25-2012, 05:37 AM
    Super Moderator
    My mom is just like that. She know nothing about horses, yet she is the first in line to give me various suggestions about what should I do. My favourites:

    You should stick to walking. Who needs trotting and cantering - walking is safer.
    Don't do jumping, it is too dangerous.
    Why are you riding without saddle? Did somebody take your saddle away?? (...while I'm enjoying a bareback ride)
    Wow, he is not that smart as you're saying - look, he just spooked from that silly noise! (a loud bang right behind his back, from a car he hadn't noticed)
    Good horsey, good boy! (while Snickers is trying to push her around in hope for treats, although I had instructed her that this behavior cannot be accepted)
    Horses are just a hobby. You should stick to something more serious, you are an adult after all!

    Meh. How I deal with it? Just smile and nod, smile and nod... Some things never change, and one of these things is a mother that is always right. But she is still a mother.
    Hidalgo13 and EvilHorseOfDoom like this.
        06-25-2012, 05:55 AM
    When I was younger and mum did that I engaged her in an incredibly complicated discussion and confused her to the point she got the hint.

    I did it in a completely respectful way, talking about

    if I lift the right seat bone I have to be careful not to drop through the left hip keep a steady contact on the reins moving my hands just enough to follow the horses movement. Ensure my legs stay still and strong and they must stay in this posistion , can't tense up while I'm doing it. I must look up and focus on where I'm going whilst being aware of my horses headset, I need to push her forwards into the contact but not have her rush.

    It helped mum get the point she didn't know alot without tension just make sure your not sounding like a know all.

    The other option is bring it up with her and explain that whilst you appreciate her support you'd prefer to do it your way and the way your trainer told you to.
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    loosie likes this.
        06-25-2012, 07:31 PM
    Seems I was wrong about people not being able to give advice about mother/daughter relationships!

    Re the first 3 comments by your mum Saranda, I can well understand! Never thought I'd be an overprotective mum, but when you're suddenly watching your baby doing something dangerous & they don't even appreciate it is(speaking also from experience of that attitude), well... Cut them some slack for being frightened for you! You'll probably get it one day!
        06-25-2012, 11:18 PM
    Wow thank you all for all the comments! I didn't think this many people were so willing to help!
    Today, I tried to kind of talk in the car about what I was planning on doing and she totally snapped at me and shot down my idea! I tried nodding and being receptive, but she just yells at me.
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        06-26-2012, 12:17 AM
    (I have a reason for this question, and it shall be known), but first, how old is your mom?
        06-26-2012, 02:02 AM
    Super Moderator
    Loosie, I am well aware of how well my mom means and I really don't fight against her (but I do ask nicely to respect the time I need to concentrate on my horse and not to offer him treats right in the moment I am trying to teach him something new ) - but she is really, really overprotective and I get these comments every day about nearly anything I do. And I'm almost 26. So I cut some slack on myself, too, just to remain positive. For example, I didn't tell her I started taking riding lessons for a while, just not to be yelled at about how dangerous and expensive it is until I had really tried it - it can be very discouraging.
        06-26-2012, 02:10 AM
    Originally Posted by Saranda    
    And I'm almost 26. So I cut some slack on myself, too, just to remain positive. For example, I didn't tell her I started taking riding lessons for a while, just not to be yelled at about how dangerous and expensive it is until I had really tried it - it can be very discouraging.
    Yeah, not saying it's always rational or reasonable, just that I now fully understand the (overabundance of?) emotion behind it! And as I've heard from my own mum(I'm over 40) & Frankinbeans can probably confirm, your age has nothing to do with it!

    Now, overprotective comments aside, it's my Dad who has no idea about horses, but studied psychology in his 20's (never mind I also studied behavioural psych) so he of course knows better on everything!

    What would happen OP, if you followed your Mum's advice?

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