Thank you everyone! Oh my gosh I can't tell you how much I appreciate all the motivational and positive messages!!!
Before Jax got the green light to be ridden I took a few lessons on a schooling horse and we focused ONLY on my form. Now that we are schooling with him we are focusing nearly entirely on the horse with a few comments when I think I just drive her crazy -- lol!
I'm not giving up and once he moves to the new barn (tomorrow!!!!) we are taking lessons 3 days a week to get both of us softer and in better shape and doing things properly. I can't afford so many lessons for more than a few months (going to stretch my budget as far as I can) but I think its so important for us both to get things under control and done correctly first and foremost so if that means I can't get extras like a haircut or a smoothie for a few months so be it!
He's the most wonderful horse in the world (totally unbiased...) and is SO patient with me. He's still green and learning but you wouldn't believe how tolerant of my slouchy awfulness and swinging leg he is. I'm very very lucky :)
Plus, like someone said - we have all the time in the world to learn! He's only seven and I plan to keep him until he's a crusty old man but hopefully my eq will improve a bit by then XD
Anyways thank you thank you thank you everyone! It IS really so embarrassing to come back to riding as an adult and have lost your seat and posture and have to start over as a beginner when you used to kick butt - lol. Cinny we are totally in the same boat but you are MUCH braver than I! I will not be posting those videos here, my heart couldn't take it lol!