I would certainly echo the "find a professional trainer" to help.....
However since you asked for suggestions and in the mean time, it wouldn't happen here but in your situation I'd suggest leaving the mares halter on. Daily, take a second halter and slip it up over her nose, then off. Slip up over her nose, then off. Then up over her eyes, then off, then up over her ears all the way on to her head, then off. Do a lot of 'good girl' in between. Given you stated that once she is technically caught and in her stall it still takes a while to get a halter on her, and you said shes friendly, I'm assuming this isn't so much of a she doesn't want to be caught.... Most horses with that type of a haltering issue are more worried about the halter coming at and going over the eyes. With that line of thinking I introduce what I said above as well as rub your hands gently over her eyes. One eye at a time, just lightly rub your hand over her eye and all over her face. To make this all less traumatic on both you and the horse, leave a halter on.
For the mare again, I'd forget the saddle all together right now. She should learn to be caught, haltered and lead first. Once thats settled start sacking her out. Start with a washcloth! Take the washcloth and rub everywhere, her belly, udders, legs, hocks, butt, back, chest, head, let it drop next to her and behind her. Move on to a bigger towel. Then a cotton lead rope. Then a hard rope. When you're to the point of a rope she should accept a light tapping on her back/butt/belly and allow the cotton rope between and around her legs. When she accepts this, introduce a saddle pad. Saddle pad on, off, on, off, on, off, slide it up her neck, down her butt and slide it off the other side of her body letting it fall. When she accepts this introduce a saddle. With a horse like you're describing I'd think the halter over the eyes and wash cloth light sacking out would be a good week worth of things for you to work it, don't rush anything.
If shes all together afraid of a saddle set a saddle on a stand in her paddock and let her live with it. Take time to observe how SHE needs to deal with it, how does she come up to it? What are her reactions? What makes her feel comfortable.
Lastly with the mare as you've described her it is less of a she has to respect you issue and more of "she just doesn't know much about people" so I don't suggest starting with circles/backing/leading etc. Although she will need to do this, from what you've said I feel that would make her less likely to come up to you. Especially if she does feel uncomfortable about a halter coming at her eyes or over her ears and need a good general desensitizing.
As for the gelding and his separation anxiety take him for walks! Get him into a rhythm. Every day at noon take him with the same halter and lead, down the same path, at the same speed. Then home again. Make sure he is walking behind you on a loose lead (spin you "tail" aka rope in front of his nose if he gets to speedy) ask him to follow you so he can get the sense that people offer rhythm like other horses do. Horses follow the same herd leader to the same pile of hay at the same time everyday. Ask him to come with you even ten feet farther each day. Day one, walk 20' out of the barn and back, put him away. Day two, walk 35' out of the barn and then back, etc... Next month he should be following you down the drive way and down the road then back because "thats what we do every day at noon". With him, sacking out can't hurt either even though he accepts the tack. In addition focus on any space issues or ground manner issues he may have. I have a feeling his rearing had to do with being buddy sour and all of the "move you hind quarters" in the world will not fix this :)
Last edited by New_image; 05-02-2011 at 10:36 PM.