There's always hope! I started out riding in a kimberwicke and couldn't even stop her, but a million one-rein stops and transitions later, I can ride her in a snaffle all the time and in a rope halter if I'm in an arena...although not COMPLETELY under control in that yet. Haha. She knows not to argue about leaving the barn, though she may voice her opinion in other situations...anyway, progress is being made! Where initially I was nervous with a saddle, I now ride her 90% of the time with a bareback pad. Progress is always possible, even with stubborn arab mares :) AND where arab mares tend to be super sensitive, I'm sure people messing with her routine REALLY didn't help you out any. Best of luck, lots of deep breaths! Believe me, I need them too. It sounds like having someone who is removed from the emotion of the situation is really helping out so keep up with that and start inserting yourself in some of the easier, less emotional tasks first, and work your way up into being the one who can challenge her. I think you stepping out for a "break" of sorts is healthy so that you two don't drive each other bonkers (you and the mare) haha. When you do get back into the full force of it, just remember to take a few deep breaths when you need them and to remain as calm as possible, don't take it personally!
A horse is the projection of peoples' views about themselves--strong, powerful, beautiful--and it has the capability of giving us escape from our mundane existance.