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"Playing the Hero" -- when to 'stick with it' & when to realize it's time to move on.

102K views 224 replies 143 participants last post by  DannyBoysGrace 
#1 · (Edited)
"Playing the Hero" -- when to 'stick with it' & when to realize it's time to move on.

We've all seen it happen, and I'm sure most of us have been there one time or another. Perhaps some of us are there right now: buying the horse that's, well.. too much horse for us. I'm not talking needs a bit of training/settling... I'm talking that horse that makes us look like fools... the horse that has problems, the horse that bucks/bolts/spins/rears/kicks.. you name it... and it's beyond our knowledge level.
It's a frightening spot to be in, and it is one that tests our very mettle.
What it really comes down to are two decisions: do we keep the horse, and work through the problems, or do we sell the horse, and get one that's more level-appropriate?

There are major problems arise with this question:
1) the human ego. We don't like to admit we're wrong, or don't know enough, or aren't strong enough, or ... well, we just don't like to admit that we aren't enough, period.
2) we feel that we've somehow let the horse down. We humans (most of us anyways) get attached to the animals in our lives, however briefly. By the time we realize that the horse is too much, we've already gotten attached. Thus, the thought of selling said horse becomes more difficult.
3) we have been bombarded with so many stories of the underdog (read: inexperienced horseman) taming the wild horse that a lot of people have started to think this is the norm... it is not.
...right along with this point is...
4) the romantic idea of "taming the wild horse" is very, very over-played. Believe me, there is nothing romantic about taking a problem horse and trying to fix it. There is a lot of blood (so to speak), sweat and tears. The end result is worth it... if you know what you're doing. If you don't know what you're doing... well sometimes it doesn't end well at all.

Sticking with it

This is the option that most of us at least flirt with for a while. The biggest problem with this option is that when we buy a horse that's too much of us, obviously we don't have the experience to deal with the problems the horse has, or to bring the horse along correctly. This is a catch-22. We try our darndest, but we cannot see what we're doing wrong, as we just don't have the experience to see what we're doing wrong. So we keep doing things wrong, thinking we're right -- um, the problem with this is apparent.
So how do we deal with this?
The most obvious answer to most of us is get a trainer/instructor. That would be fantastic... if only we could point at any name in the Yellowpages under "Horse Trainer" and get exactly what we need. Oh, and there's also the slight hiccup of money - trainers cost money.
Not all trainers are created equal... in fact, I'd be so bold to say that there are more bad trainers out there than good... so the odds are stacked against you from day 1. Well, that's kind of crummy, to say the least.
Nonetheless, finding a decent trainer will likely take care of our problems. The horse can either get sent away for training (and come back to us with more wet saddle blankets and miles under its girth) or we can opt to take lessons and learn with the horse, and how to handle its problems and quirks.
With a good trainer, either of these options can be very beneficial, and you can end up with the horse of your dreams... or at least one you can ride and handle.
So, how do we go about finding that special trainer? Your best bet is word of mouth. People like to talk. A lot. They especially like to talk when they can complain - so go hang out at your local tack store, go to shows.... and keep your ears open.
Anyways, that isn't really the point of this post, more of a side-tip. The bottom line is that if you are in over your head with your horse, finding someone reputable that can help you is one of the best steps you can take.


Unfortunately, due to many circumstances, a lot or people that are in over their heads to not get help.... or get the wrong kind of help - though I'm not quite sure which is worse. A lot of horse owners keep a horse that is too much for them. They think they can work through it, but either can't or won't spend the money on a decent trainer, or they don't have any decent trainers around them to help.
With that intro, let's move on to the main point of this post: When to quit playing the hero.
Like I said earlier, it's human nature to either not want to admit we have a problem, or not admit we need help when we do realize that we might just have a big problem on our hands. Couple that with our human need to care for living things, and you can see how easily this becomes very dangerous.
We want things to end up like they do in the movies; we want so badly to be that main character that is able to tame the wild horse that we don't really see the big picture, nor the lack of romance that real life really offers us.
Horses are big animals. They can throw their weight around, and they can hurt us. They can kill us. It's not in their nature to do so, no, but if we're in the wrong place at the wrong time, or react wrongly, well.. we can end up dead.
I don't think enough people appreciate this sentiment.. especially not when we're young and invincible.
Training horses takes a lot of instinct, or 'horse sense' as some call it. The nice thing about this instinct and horse sense is that it can be learned. The problem is, it takes a darn long time to learn it... it's not an easy lesson, nor is it readily acquired.

When a horse is untrained beyond our abilities, and we have no trainer or mentor, we are very liable to ruin said horse, at least for a while. A trainer once told me that we ruin the first 10 horses we touch. We don't have the know-how, we don't have the instinct, we don't have the experience to truly to any real favors to the first horses we touch.

How do we acquire such talents? We learn from experience. We learn from talking to people who know more than us. We learn from paying people who know more than us to teach us how to react in various situations. We attend clinics from people who know more than us. We read books written by people who know more than us..... see the pattern?

As a disclaimer of sorts, I must say that there are some very rare people that can learn by trial and error, and fix a problem horse that they originally had no idea how to fix and do it on their own.... but, let me say this very clearly.... this is not the norm, and it is very very rare.

How does it usually end, if you don't seek help?
More often than not, there's an event or two that lead the owner to realize that they cannot do this alone. Usually this realization results from injury, either to the horse or to the owner.
Sometimes it takes a serious, life-threatening injury to make the owner realize that something has to change.


When you realize it's time to move on.

Right off the bat, I want to say that there is nothing wrong with selling a horse that is too much for you, and getting something more your level. Nothing. In fact, I commend people who realize that they are in over their heads, want to find a good home for the horse, and find a horse that is more suited to their abilities.

This usually comes after flirting with the idea of fixing the horse yourself, or even after having someone try to fix the horse for you. Sometimes it happens when the person sustains the injury I mentioned a few paragraphs above.

If you cannot afford to hire someone to teach you how to deal with the problem horse, or send the horse away for training, or there is no decent trainer around you, I usually suggest selling the horse.
Why?
If you try and "play the hero" and fix the horse yourself without any know-how or guidance, it usually doesn't end well. You either don't know how to react in a situation, or react poorly in a situation, and make it worse. For example, I saw one lady that simply jumped off her horse when it started to hunch up or buck; she didn't know how to deal with the bucking horse, so she taught the horse that if it hunched up or bucked, it would be rewarded by being allowed to relax. The owner had no clue what she was doing wrong, and grew more and more terrified of the horse, and kept teaching the horse bad habits.

If you don't know how to fix it, can't send the horse away to get fixed, and can't get the help to learn how to fix it, sell or give it to someone who DOES know.
A horse is not worth your life. If you can't get the help, it is not worth risking your life to fix. It is also not worth ruining the horse more for the sake of your pride.

Sometimes, a horse is just too much for us. There is nothing wrong with admitting this. Even if you've worked with a dozen trainers, and you're still in over your head.... well.... it's time to move on.

It will be best for you and the horse to part ways. You can take necessary precautions to make sure the horse ends up in a good home - usually, a problem horse won't fetch a lot of money, but they also won't take up more of your money in feed and upkeep costs. This way, the horse can be ridden and trained by someone that has the knowledge to work through the problems.
You, in turn, can either spend money on lessons, or buy a horse that's more appropriate for your level of riding, and learn on it.

Of course, another option, if you have the time and money, and if the horse is safe to handle on the ground, is to retire the horse to a pasture ornament. This works for some horses, and not for others... some horses need to work to be happy, and others are perfectly content being a pasture puff, but it is another option to consider.
 
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#62 ·
KUDOS JDI! New to this forum and this is by far the best thread I have seen on here. There are entirely too many of those situations out there!

Another huge factor I see with these situations is the economy and the horse market in general. I've seen so much of this the last few years. I judge 4-H, Foundation quarter horse and ranch shows. In the 4-H shows in particular I have seen so many in over their heads and more than enough kids hauled off in ambulances that I could just scream. Every little girl dreams of owning a horse and parents see a chance to give their child a dream come true and think spending a few hundred bucks or saving a rescue is going to do that. There is a fine line between dream & nightmare.

Beginners need beginner horses, not unbroke 2 yr olds or "projects". Leave the training to trainers or be sure you have proper help and guidance and be prepared to pay for it. My family has always had a rule of thumb for us growing up as kids, "Until you are 12, you aren't allowed to own a horse younger than you are"

That rule paid off in spades for me. I started riding on my own at 3 with a lovely antique of a mare and she gave me the best 9 yrs of riding time I've ever had. Don't get me wrong, I've owned and still own lots of wonderful horses but "Bunny" gave me the basics of horsemanship and confidence and taught me so much with an enormous amount of patience. She taught me to read a horse and I owe her a huge debt of gratitude for teaching me to ride with soft quiet hands. When I turned 12, my grandpa let me have my pick of that year's weanling crop - I chose a jet black filly with not a speck of white on her. My mom (a grad of Findlay college and now a retired trainer) helped me step by step with her from imprinting at birth to finished show horse.

Her name is Buttons. She is now 21 and is the antique that my 5 yr old daughter now loves to bits.
 
#63 ·
I still remember the horse I learned how to ride on; the horse was an absolute 'giant' but he was one amazing horse. A 16.2 hh QH cross gelding...you could do anything to that horse, and he didn't care. I 'graduated' from him to another older shetland mare when mom and I got into showing. She could be stubborn but she wasn't a nasty pony by any means, and also served to help me continue learning how to ride and care for horses. I also got on any horse I possibly could, as well, and liked the 'tough to ride' horses, even at a young age. When I out grew my pony, because of my skill level, my trainer told my parents that she would help us train a green horse, if that was what we wanted next. So I wound up with a green broke Shetland/Morgan cross...he was a royal pain in the rear, but he taught me alot about training, and my trainer helped us every step of the way with that horse. I think if more people actually made sure to have professional help with their young, or otherwise, green horses, there wouldn't be so many "Help, Problem horse..." threads/dilemmas. I'm not against the average person training their own horse, it's the delusion that one can do it on their own, after just having studied books, or watching a video that bugs me. Get hands on help, and things will go much smoother!
 
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#64 ·
I think this article is great. I learnt on a mare that wasn't push button but she taught me a lot and I trust her with anything. She was only to be loaned to us so we were looking for a horse and found a quiet thoroughbred gelding. Being inexperienced first time owners we got tricked about him being perfect for a beginner. We were told he was lazy but he would go well, I soon found out he would plant his feet and not move, turn back to the gate, rear up he also bucked a few times. His worst habit was the rearing though. My instructor said when he first started maybe he's just testing you cause your new ( they were only tiny rears) just push him through it and that seemed to work at first. Then he just got worse and simply didn't want to go so my instructor said I was probably going to get hurt so she would take him for awhile because everyone believed he was just to much for me personally. She had him for a couple of months and she decided he was ring sour and was possibly good for trails, she hadn't actually taken him out but had taken him from the arena to their back paddock and she said he behaved a lot better. She was undable to work with him anymore because she moved so he came back to me. We had already decided to sell him because he was just to much for me to ride. I have since been working with him on the ground a lot and lunging. He is now almost perfectly behaved on the ground, he can still have his days of being a bit silly but no where near as bad as before. We have been unable to sell him though and so I just work with him on the ground whenever I'm not to busy with my other two horses (who mum makes me put before him because they are rideable). I don't know how he would go for me now under saddle because he respects me a lot more on the ground now. I don't want to wreck him from me doing something wrong with him and we are still looking for a new instructor for me. Sorry for being long just my story.
 
#65 · (Edited)
"Sorry for being long just my story"

Apache, you don't have to apologise for anything. It seems to me that you are telling we readers what your problem is and that can take time.
You tell us you have a problem
You tell us you've been to a certain extent mislead and let down
You tell us you are working on the problem

What is difficult for we readers is to come up with a sharp sharp series of solutions because the problems which you are experiencing are not uncommon and the solutions are not always easy to find.

I haven't seen your horse, nor met you, nor seen you with your horse.
I can't approach your horse, I can't play with him. I can't sense his problems
All in all from thousands of miles away I am pretty useless at trying to give you positive advice in a few words. But here are a few words, hopefully to be of help.

Presumably you have a training ring - if not create one , round, oblong or square. This arena becomes your horse's work room. When you take him in there he works and he expects to work.
Groom him every day, even if he is not dirty. Get him used to your touch, your smell, your voice, your little ways. Make yourself, his personal owner.

What I can say is that you seem to be doing the best you can and you haven't given up. Which is a credit to you. You are not going 'to wreck him' because you are not going to hurt him.

As a guess, I repeat, a guess. I'd suggest going back to working him in hand from the ground. Buy a thin rope training halter which works on the nose and on the poll. Read carefully the instructions as to how to use it. If you use it incorrectly it hurts so be careful with it.
Get him to walk at your shoulder on a loose rein.
When you turn right, he should turn.
When you stop he stops. When you walk on, he walks on.
You play with him every day for 20 minutes or so, at the same time, in the same place. Regular routine is important for a horse.

Then slowly but surely bring into the scenario, obstacles such as he might meet out on the trailsie logs, plastic bags - whatever. Dustbins are great, they fall over. Poles on the ground. plastic sheeting. Buckets, flags.
Walk him over them, around them, get him to knock them over with his feet.

Once he does these things at the walk, with your head by his head, then do the same things at the walk with you up in the saddle. Walk, turn, stop, start, back up. stand. Walk him into corners, then back up out of them.

He has to learn the aids - your aids (cues). If you turn your head, he goes that way.

There are to be lots of tid bits. Lots of smooth calming voice. Lots of strokes and touch. No whipping. No shouting, No coarse handlng. When he does something wrong - tell him 'No' , then make him do it again.

But he has to walk out at your command .
There can be no balking, nor rearing, nor whirling.
Quiet, patient, persistance from you at all times.
No anger,no loud voices, no tension. Ask, Insist, Demand.
Use your hands, your pointed fingers, your body - shove him over.
Watch him. Learn his responses. Learn his individual ways.
Find out what he likes - then ration it, but don't ever deny him completely. Use what he likes as a bribe.
Find his fears and then allay them, one by one.

And remember one other thing - whenever you go to your other horses, he is watching. He is wondering why you are playing with them and not him. He might well be jealous. So be careful not to show favouritism. Every now and again go to him first and ignore the other two.

Apache. I can't tell you how to work this animal, I've never seen it. I am just giving you some tips to try. I can't see what you are doing wrong - if anything. Just make sure you don't get hurt.
All I can say, is that if you can turn this animal, then you'll probably have a faithful servant for life.
He'll owe you.

And stop apologising.

B G

PS There is another recent thread on the forum about 'bonding', read it.
 
#66 ·
^^^ Thanks for the advice apart from riding him all of the above is basically what I have been doing. I probably should do it more often then I do but I do sometimes only spend the afternoon with him and not my other horses. I feel he has improved a lot over the past few months. I just am not game to get on him because I can be quite a nervous rider. For example when being lunged he used to simply stop and rear at a walk or not go out of the circle, now he is almost perfect on the lunge line since he knows I'm not goiing to take his silliness and I have improved with giving the right signals. I don't even have to be holding him for him to understand my cues for him to move a particular part of his body. He is also the most polite horse when it comes to dinner time and he is the top horse of the paddock. I feel he has come to respect me a lot more since I first got him but he still has a long way to go. I also think I have read that bond thread.
 
#67 ·
Apache,
Sometimes I read back what I have written a few days earlier and I realize that my written words may have come over a little strong. Maybe when replying to you that was the case. I apologise.

If you are already doing with your horse what I suggested, then you are doing about as much as you can. All you now need is time, a little luck and some cooperation from the horse.

Sometime an animal which has been abused can’t bring itself to come to terms with humans. I have found with some rescued big dogs that I can’t pass them on to yet another owner. The animal has lost faith in humans.

We now have on our new small private yard a small group of horses Each animal is gifted in its own way but each shows the marks of some abuse I the past. They all call for very sensitive and careful handling. None of them, for different reasons, would last more than a few weeks in the hands of a novice owner. If we are to sell them on, and things don’t gel with a new owner, then we shall have to bring them back or later hear they have been put down or at least passed on yet again. But sadly in such cases the mental trauma to the animal will have been compounded by the latest unsuccessful episode.

Of our group of strays perhaps the easiest to find a home for is a very genuine 8 year old cob; a horse needing regular and close contact with a human. His owner never plays with him nor grooms him nor works him, even though he cries out for attention. She has even instructed that no one else is to ride him. Presently her priorities in life are elsewhere.

He is not neglected by the way of food or shelter but he lacks stimulation which this little chap desperately needs. I have started to play with him and now he follows me about. When I arrive on the yard, his head goes up and he watches out for me to go over and say hello. Sadly, over the long term, there is no place for him in my life, I just want to see him find a good home with a young family. However the more I give him comfort, the more he will look to me to be his human carer. So knowing he is to be sold on, I must be careful not to allow him to become dependent upon me. But it is more than I can personally do, to ignore him completely.

We have another mare who came in the other week, as a bag of bones - literally. We paid $40 to take title to her. We are feeding her up and she is being groomed regularly. We are giving her some TLC. But whenever stressed, she weaves. The other day for the first time, I put a lead rope on her and led her out into the schooling arena. She is still partially emaciated but her strength is massive when she works against me. She is going to make a big powerful horse. She’s gentle enough but she is very nervous.

We shall never be able to remove from her memory the six months of gross neglect when in an icey cold winter she was left out on top of a windy hillside without hay or adequate ice free water. That was probably when she learned her vice. She is beginning to look better but she’s damaged in her head. I have no worry that we can’t bring her back to good shape physically but can we make her rideable? And if we find she can’t be used for riding, what do we do with her? I know only too well that we don’t have the resources to rescue all the horses who currently are seeking a safe knowledgeable home.

So Apache join the rescuers club. All I can say to you is: do your best and follow your gut instincts. Read the books, take advice but in the end follow your own counsel. Let us hope you have some success with your chap. Forming a bond with the horse, if it will let you, must be the first step in rehabilitation.

And, again, my apologies, if my words read harshly.
Barry G
 
#68 ·
Thanks and its alright it did not come across as really strong or anything I would rather someone just told it to me straight. It's nice to hear you help all those horses if I could I would love to be able to do something like that. My boy is definitely the sort who would become very aggressive if beaten or anything I believe. He is also the sort of horse who couldn't really care less if you left him alone or played with him (luckily for me I have other horses who are much more affectionate) I think he may be starting to change though its only taken 7 months lol. I take into account everything people tell me and then try it with him and depending on how he responds I keep going with it or stop. I try to watch his body language as closely as possible when I work with him. I'm starting to find it a lot easier to read him with the slightest movement on his part and I think he's done the same with me. So this has kind of made us bond a bit more over the last couple of months.
 
#69 ·
Wow JDI, great post. I really like the part about mentioning training a horse isn't a romantic book with a perfect ending, because I tend to think it is a lot. I bought my girl a year ago... I guess.... minor problems. She didn't trust people but I loved her, so I got her.

I still love said horse and wouldn't sell her for the world. In all honesty the year I've had her, I've probably only been truly working with her for 3 months. I was kind of the opposite, I was scared to fail so I'd justify it by going to the barn to just visit her, give her treats, then let her go back to the pasture. The mere thought of failing was too much for me and I maybe worked her, I don't know, a half hour a week? She was spoiled, and now I realize that. I do much more work with her now. My new barn owner knows his stuff when it comes to training so I feel comfortable about making mistakes. That's how we learn. She is coming along so well now. The stable owner mentioned today how relaxed she was. Since she's not a dangerous horse, I've decided to 'stick with it.' Plus, I love that girl more than anything.

But thinking back even farther to my first horse, Dakota, I realize how much I have learned. I kind of did ruin him. I had never had a horse before, I was only 14 years old, and I thought I could train absolutely anything. Three years later, I look back on all I have learned and realize that's the important thing. Moving forward. These wonderful trainers we see weren't born horse whisperers. They have studied the horse a long time and took advice from other people. People need to stop portraying horse training like they do marriage - perfect in movies, happy endings, etc. when in real life it takes a lot of hard work and respect!

Thanks again for the wonderful post!
 
#70 ·
I do agree with the OP. I have seen quite a few inexperienced people buy young horses, and then immediately get hurt. I think a lot of them don't know what they are dealing with. That being said, I think a good trainer can fix almost any problem, as long as the person is willing to work WITH the trainer and learn too. I am not personally a big fan of the "ship the horse off to a trainer and get it back fixed" mentality. I think the rider needs to learn the methods with the horse, and that a horse cannot be magically fixed no matter how much experience the trainer has.
I also agree with the OP's comment that a person needs to know when to put the ego away and get help. I had this experience recently. I bought an OTTB (and I'll admit I didn't know what I was getting into). After she backed up and fell down on top of me, I decided it was time to call in help. But then the question becomes, where do you find help? How do you know if a horse trainer is good or loony tunes (and I also agree that there are WAAAAY too many loony people out there calling themselves "trainers").
I think the key, the like OP said, is to use word of mouth. Talk to other people who have had problem horses, and what trainers they have used. If possible, watch the trainer in action, giving a lesson or working with a horse. It takes a special kind of trainer to work with a problem horse. It can't just be somebody who gives riding lessons. That is a different skill set altogether.
That being said, I lucked out and found a wonderful trainer. He immediately understood that my horse had a problem responding to pressure. She thought backing up would allow her to escape pressure. He started her over and we are slowly reteaching her all of the commands. She is a doll and I love her greatly, and am so glad I didn't give her up. So, in summary, I DO think a horse can be fixed, but like the OP said, we have to be humble enough to know when we can't do it ourselves.
 
#71 ·
What a great thread. I was obssessed with horses all my life. I 'galloped' beside the car every single journey, I had no other conversation but horses and would have owned a 3 legged breakdown, just to 'own' one. Fast forward 20 something years and my obsession continued. At last I had the money to consider owning and I was offered...free....a wonderful sound beautiful event horse. Wow. A dream come true. I rode her and loved her. But when I got her home the nightmare started. She needed a strong confident handler and although I tried my hardest, I just wasn't it. I couldn't ride her and could barely handler her. I got trainers, helpers, books, videos, but the day came when I had to face the facts. It was a perfect day...warm, a mild breeze, I had nothing to do. I made every excuse under the sun: the washing needed doing, I had to pluck my eyebrows, clean my saddle etc and my husband looked at me and said 'you are avoiding going to the barn aren't you'. Well after floods of tears I realised that my lifelong ambition of owning a horse had fallen sadly flat. But how could I give her up? She was the answer to every childhood dream.

A close friend came with me one day and watched me fruitlessly trying to lead her, my horse was lathered up, twisting, spinning and rearing. My freind quietly said to me 'does she look happy?'. That night I placed a for sale advert and the very next day an amazing lady came and looked at her. She is so much more experienced than me and the difference was amazing. She bought my mare and they give me follow ups, the mare I knew doesn't exist, but is now calm, willing and a fun ride.

I took a little while to get over the guilt and placed a wanted ad after sifting through the crazy people who think that a 3 year old TB is suitable for a, now nervous, beginner owner (what is it with those people?? I don't care how many pics you have of your 3 year old kid on their backs!) I found my Eli! A 10 year old anglo arab who is laidback, calm, well trained and willing to please. What a difference. He is my soulmate because I trust him 100%.

It is a hard situation to be in, and it is easy to feel pressured into wrong choices. We do grow up with 'national velvet' syndrome where all little girls can tame the wildest horses and feel like failures when we don't.

But, it took me 30 years to find a man I wanted to marry....why did I honestly think I could find my other life partner so quickly!
 
#72 ·
Ah yes....heros...

I've been in that boat so many times. I felt horrible, and grand, and every emotion in between!

To start off my tale I shall regale the wonderful memory of Rajah. A BEAUTIFUL, papered, well bred, straight egyptian arabian mare. She was 16 and had only ever been a pasture pet. But, she was a love to handle and seemed VERY eager to please. She never meant to hurt me and if she thought she HAD, she looked SO upset with herself! (hard to believe, but true!) Well. I was that naive, young horse lover and after a year of nothing but ground work and bonding, I knew it was time to 'ride' her....She already took saddle, bit, girth, and everything like a seasoned trail pony. Now...to get on her. I wasn't so stupid to be the first though...I'd hardly ridden and while I seemed a 'natural' at ground work, I KNEW I was no trainer. Heck, I didn't even know if I had the RIGHT tack. So, I do the responsible thing and go through the search for a trainer that was willing to come out to my barn (I lacked a trailer blarg). I found one, and he WASN'T cheap. I asked all the 'right' questions, right down to "Do you mind using my tack? Or at least looking at it to tell me if it's ok for us?" he refused. He didn't do 'that' sort of thing! (red flag!!!!!!) Well, I figure he's right, and just let him do his 'job'.....A year of ground work went out the door as he back-end cynched her! (not sure what it's called but he wrapped a rope around her 'waist' and pulled on it till she bucked!...also RED FLAG!!!!) By now though he's in 'charge' and I wasn't knowing enough, or ballsy enough to say anything otherwise. She eventually calms down and he tacks her up. She stands like a pro. He gets on her and walks her a short bit, then gets off, starts to untack her and says "You can ride her tomorrow...and you should now that she's broke" (RED FLAG!!!!!! OMG THE RED FLAGGG!!!!) Well, my naive butt thought "omg I'm going to ride!" So, come the next day, I lunge her, tack her up, lunge her again, and I get ready to get on....I get on, take a deep breath, and give the lightest 'squeeze' I could....and...she bolts. I'm NOT a trainer! I'm BARELY a rider!!! (things I flat out TOLD the trainer the day before!) Not only did she bolt, but...she took the reins! So ALL I have to hold onto is the horn of a VERY bad saddle! (found out AFTER the fact!!!!) End result? Broken back. She turned just before running into a fence and I went flying, hitting my lower back and hips against a wooden fence post....which THANK GOD, also broke! Talk about pain...there is nothing like a broken back...if you're lucky that is....Feeling pain let me know I would ride again one day, and how 'lucky' I was...Sadly, no matter how 'good' that mare was....I knew then, I couldn't handle her. For a year she was a blessing...after that though...it was too much. It took me a month to be able to walk without crutches, two months to have the courage to go into the pasture again, and 6 months to ride again. Luckily at that time I had a wonderful percheron gelding who taught me that I wouldn't fall 'every' time. Needless to say, the wonderful Raja was given to a woman who specialized in training and handling older horses that had no previous riding time. And she even said that if she was 'untrainable' she loved her personality SO much, she'd gladly make her a pasture pet if the need came down to it. A month later I get news that her 26 year old niece was riding her on trails!

This brings me to my second horse. The percheron gelding. Blue was an AMAZING ride! Not the smoothest thing in the world, but so sturdy, solid, calm, patient, willing, forgiving, and so many other wonderful things I can't begin to describe! I had actually made payments on him for nearly 2 years without even SEEING him in person, only pictures from his previous owner that lived several states away. Well, I got him as a 4 year old stud (still a silly 'child' here). The day I got him, I tripped while leading him, he spooked, and jumped right OVER me! I called the trainer I had lined up for him while still on the ground (I wasn't even kicked or stepped on, just dazed) He's picked up the next day, another horse left in his wake (this one will be told next). He was gone for two months in training. I visited him every other weekend (it was too far to go more than that). It was while he was gone that I broke my back. So, when he came back from JUST being trained...he sat in a pasture for 5-6 months without so much as being lunged. He was MISERABLE! Finally I get into riding him again though, and he perks up, ready to work. I take several lessons on him and really build my confedence on him. The first day I rode him, it was like he'd JUST got back from training. Sounds like a perfect horse? He was...one problem...He's a WORK horse and me riding him every weekend wasn't enough for him. He'd escape, couldn't hold weight, and just LOOKED sad. So, finally, I knew it was 'his' time. I traded him to a woman who grew up in the percheron show ring, and that's what he became. Under her care and guidance he is a brick house that is 5th in the nation for his breed, age, training, and gender. He pulls carriages, rides english and western, does trail rides, AND has even run barrels, and not ONCE has he escaped or lost weight while with his owner. He's the woman's ONLY gray, and out of all the horses she has, HE is HER best friend. She lets me know this regularly by keeping me updated, even though it's been about 3-4 years.

Now, if you notice I said 'traded' him. 'What for?' you might ask. Well...I traded him for a belgian/quarter horse gelding who was already started and been trail ridden and was advancing to pleasure cantering and had even done a few lessons with a few girls the woman worked with. Her reason for not wanting him? Well for one he wasn't a percheron, for two, he was TINY. Having belgian in him did nothing but cause him to be stockier than the average QH. Well, i took him on and learned rather quickly he just...wasn't great. I found a girl who went to school and showed horses and she'd been part of the 'show' circut since a toddler. She'd successfully trained a few horses and had more experiance to handle his 'stuborness' issues. So, she started to work him. I watched her with him and he was GREAT! Gave her little to NO issues and worked like a champ! Never pulled on the bit, backed without being asked, or refused to go. (luckily he wasn't one to bolt or rear, though he did do small little bucks if asked to do more than walk) Well, even with all this training (months) every time I went to ride him, even under strict instruction from the girl, he showed his rear. He wasn't pleasent to be around, he wasn't easy to ride, and he was just...sour...to ME. He was fine with everyone else, but he wasn't FOR everyone else. So, I put him up for sale or trade. Was aproached by a girl's camp who had a pony who's only issue was he just went too 'fast' for beginners. I was up for that, and told them the issues I had with him, but told them they could come out and look at him. They did. They used my tack, and theirs (I had WAY better tack by this time!) and he did stellar, if a bit on the 'lazy' side, which they were fine with. So, we do the trade. The pony turned out to be too much for me and they bought it back for what I had been asking for Buddy ('my' horse). But...Buddy, now named Pringles, is one of the BEST horses they have at the camp and often 'fought over' by their riders to primp and ride him. lol.
 
#73 ·
Now comes my most epic story yet...Remember a few stories up there I mentioned a horse being 'left' at my place while my percheron was in training? Good, because this is all about her. I was told this mare was 3 years old, well behaved, and ready to be ridden. Oh yes, and she was free. This was still in my "child" phase so I jumped at it! Why was a trainer giving away a free horse? She was part belgian, a horse he didn't want to even deal with and got her as payment for training someone's horse. Made sense to naive little me at the time. Not 10 minutes after they left her there, taking my gelding to training....she broke her lead and ran off. Took me HOURS to catch her, and when I did, she was wet, spooked, and huffing like a fire breathing dragon. She was NOTHING that they told me she was....It took me 3 months to let me take her halter on and off with ease, and about that long to even let me walk up to her without her spooking. She and I had quite the 'trial', but I didn't give up. That 'something' just wouldn't let me. I actually gave up TWICE, tried to sell her TWICE, had buyers TWICE, and I backed down and ended up keeping her. A year of bonding and ground work, even when my back was killing me (because of the arab). Even when she pawed at me so hard I had a hoof shaped bruise on my thigh for a YEAR...I kept her. I didn't know why...I didn't even LIKE her that well...However...2 years later, she is my best friend. She is not only my best friend. She's a whole new horse. She's calm, patient, willing, and can pay attention without being spooked by the clouds. Who made her this way? Answer is...I did. I'm that VERY small percent that was in WELL over my head...but magic came from it. I would NOT suggest it to others, but I'm glad I stuck with her. She is my heart horse now, the one I trust above all others, the one I can safely put 2 year olds on and let idiots ride her just because they want to and know she won't freak out or hurt them. Ok, that's a lie, I'd never put an idiot on her lol. I love her too much. I did all of her training from the ground up. The only times someone else traiend her was her first few rides. I found a woman who was qualified and had 'nothing better' to do (talk about luck! Never again will I find such a wonderful, cheap trainer! lol) After those first few rides, I was on her receiving direction. Between lessons though, I rode her on my own (with someone near by 'just in case'). One story I do have to tell about her though...is she HATES people who 'force' her. Remember the girl I had train up the gelding that wouldn't work for me? Well, I was taking lessons from her one day, Caddy wasn't making a 'perfect' circle, and I didn't want to 'make' her so long as she kept up her trot and went in the direction I wanted her to. Well, this ****** off the trainer who yelled at me to 'make' her....I got so mad I yelled back and snapped "I'm not the trainer! You are! You want to make her do something, get on and do it yourself!" So...I got off...trainer got on, the first 'round' she got the one spot she didn't want to make 'perfect', trainer tried to force it, and...off went the trainer...and Caddy came trotting right up to me and nuzzled my chest! After that I got back on, and she behaved beautifully. This was also a good few months after her first ride, so while not 'dead broke' she was a ways past 'green'. Oh, and the reason she was so crazy to begin with? Her orriginal owners thought she was "big" enough to break....she wasn't even a year old yet. When they gave her to the trainer, she was a BIG yearling, tramatized, and thus, dangorous. Because he didn't want her, he shoved her in a stall with little attention other than food, water, and cleaning. She was so bad that she would turn her butt and actually kick out at anyone who went into her stall...Oh, and I had her vet checked before I started her 'riding'. It took me 2 years to get her to that point. Guess how old the vet told me she was? Three....I will NEVER trust that man again, and tell anyone I can why they shouldn't either. Granted, he trained my percheron up nice, but seriously...what person gives another person who SAYS they are a total newb a horse he KNOWS to be dangerous?! Next thing you might wonder is how I found out about her history. Well, I hit a 'drama filled' part of my life and had to board her at the place where the trainer used to work. He no longer did (wonder why) and I found out from the barn owner who recognized her, as well as the vet I used to check her over. I still can't believe someone would do that to another person...but alas, I seem to attract these issues.

I had another mare for about a year. She was broke for trails but was suborn as the day was long...she didn't stay around because when I hit that 'drama patch' she was just too much to pay THAT much to keep, especially when no one wanted to ride her. Now? She lives as a family pet and is ridden by a doting 'daddy' and 4 kids between the ages of 9-14. Not once has she acted out and they ADORE her!

Now for my next adventure! A horse that's been in the pasture for 4 years of his life, untrained, barely handled...but is a total doll. I might be crazy...but...I like being a bit crazy lol.

(on a side note I also regularly rescued horses when I could, gentled them, got them healthy, then gave them to people who I trusted could handle them, never ONCE lying about an issue or quirk that horse might have. I never considered any of them 'mine' however, so won't go into detail about each one lol It was a fun, rewarding journey though, and I have been taught so much by the animals I love, and hope to learn so much more!)

Sorry if this was a long winded post...but I feel I've experienced just about every level of 'hero' out there, with the ups AND the downs...It doesn't always work, and that's when we need to step back and re-evaluate...but...sometimes..just sometimes...it works...Anyway, I hope someone can gain something from this huge post lol.

Wishing all the best!

(broken into two posts because of epic length x.x sorry again!)
 
#75 ·
Haha that might have been long but you had quite a few. Sounds like you did a good job with your mare. Oh and good on you for getting on again after breaking your back!!
 
#77 ·
Amen! I am in this situation myself right now. I decided that I wanted to take Seifur with me to college for the winter. I had been riding him a bit over the summer and he had behaved pretty nicely, because of that I had no idea why my parents were so happy to "get rid of him", they were eager to let me take him away with me.
So, I take him away with me and think I am going to have a wonderful time riding and training him. Boy was I wrong... The horse is totally crazy, he bites, kicks, rears and you name it! He suddenly turned into a monster. I had the vet check him out for any pain and turns out he did have to have his teeth floated but other than that he was healthy and fine. He has his teeth floated and after that I thought he would get better.. But he only got worse if anything. He flips out if I am doing something as simple as leading him. I have completely given up on him and really want to sell him to someone who can use him and train him properly, I am not even sure if my parents will let me sell him..

I feel like crying right now. I have no idea why my parents didn't warn me about him. I had to hear it from my sister how crazy he really is. I feel like my parents hate me, they gave away my favorite mare without telling me and then force me to take care of this crazy gelding, they didn't wanna let me take any other horse with me...
Anyways, I'm done ranting. Sorry for the essay!
 
#78 ·
I went through this when I bought my gelding.
Could not do a thing with him, couldn't ctach, tie or tack him up.
Riding was out of the question, prancing, napping EVERYTHING.
But after THREE MONTHS of "sticking with it" I am on the way to making an excellent school master. He still has his quirks, but i am SO glad i stuck it out.
 
#80 ·
Love the post!
I myself have been in over my head 2 out of the 4 I have ever owned the first was a "surprise present" for my 6th bday...she dropped me on my butt and head a few too many times and we had to give her to a new home she's a lawn ornament now but doesn't mind...then my second horse was the dream not dangerous , did evverything I wanted. All I could have asked for to help me learn all the joys of horse ownership...3rd horse another mistake she was a beauty but huge and untrained and I can't for the life of me remember wut possessed us to buy her. My mom figured she could handle her...only prosblem was my mom had no time for her and I tried my best. I don't think I ruined her. She more like ruined my ego lol. She was the kind of horse that was dangerous to others...and an escape artist might I add. But I remember coming home most days crying ...(thank god I still had my 2nd horse!) and eventually we sold her to a good friend but I dot think she's being used much which is a shame because the right person could make an amaasaazing horse out of her...and my 4th I just go And hope she's the right horse! Shes a 15,3hh TB mare that needs some refining but has the personality and the groud manners that I want and I have an actual experienced trainer helping me.
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#81 ·
A large part of the problem of parting with a horse, expecially for many women, is that if it goes to auction the kill buyer will get it. That isn't necessarily so. At these auctions horses are bid upon by the pound, not it's temperment. The kill buyers need to make a profit so will bid only so much per pound, depending on the market and it's been as low as 15c lb. There are often side deals that take place at auctions and the horse doesn't even go into the sale. Auctions are attended by everyone, people looking for horses to ride, horses or ponies for their kids. An auction means going to one place and seeing many horses rather than spending weeks driving from place to place looking at one horse. For sellers, this means a lot of potential buyers at one place.
 
#82 ·
Nice post.

At the barn I just moved from, I have spent the last seven or eight months watching the unfolding drama of a family who had bought their first pony for their son. Unfortunately, the pony is three years old, greenbroke and sparky, and they're clueless. It was quite sad, as they are a sweet family, but in over their heads with a pushy three year old who needs experienced handling. Among other things, the mare got into the regular habit of bucking the kid off in the canter and he had become nervous about riding and being around her. I lunged him on my trained-to-the-nines schoolmaster to try to get his confidence back, which sort of worked, but while he was handling my horse, grooming and tacking her up, you could see in his whole body language and the way he was around horses where all the problems with the youngster came from. Anyway, after his ride on my mare, he decided he liked horses again and started taking more lessons from the barn owner on his pony, who dutifully stuck with her habit of bucking him off at the canter.

I'm not "the trainer," or "a trainer," although I have trained horses and riders, but in this instance I was just another lowly livery who could only stand back, watching the trainwreck and offering the odd (and usually ignored) suggestions. After much consideration, I decided not to step in more than that, as the owner of the stable had become their trainer and it's her stable. In any case, they weren't making much progress in improving their relations with the mare and the son completely lost interest and didn't want anything to do with horses. So the wee mare is up for sale.

It's sad and frustrating to watch these things. They were so enthusiastic about horses and had bought the young mare on the grounds that horse and kid could "grow up together." Then found out the hard way that this doesn't really work.
 
#83 ·
well said JDI

Just have to add that young horse and young rider only ever works if mother/father is incredibly experianced and the pony is a enuine little pony.

We got in over our heads when we bought a horse from beeston that turned out to be drugged to its eyeballs and totaly dangerous when not sedated. Mum is very very experianced having worked with, ridden and schooled some very very well known horses. However even she sent this horse to a proffessional (we tried for a while to sort it but admitted defeat), proffessional had it all of one week and then turned round and advised us the horse was going to kill someone. We had the horse shot that afternoon. Kinder for the horse in the long run and better for our conciences.
 
#84 · (Edited)
Excellent post Allie.

From personal experience I know that the young horse/young rider can in fact work, once the rider admits they are in over their head and have a coach that is willing to help them re-train themselves and their horse. I am sure many of you have read my older posts about my horse "Chinga" and how I had many struggles with him and I, yet I would not admit to being in over my head. Problem horses need lots of TLC but they also need to be shown who their leader is and need to be shown that respect is a must.

It takes a lot to admit you need help and too those who do - I commend you.
 
#85 ·
I really enjoyed this post! I'm at this spot right now and this made me think twice. The good thing is, I'm in no hurry to buy the horse right away; I have plenty of time to work with him. I also have a trainer at my barn, and have a copious amount of lessons paid for.

So with the time and resources available, what would you say? Keep on, or walk away? A outline of the problems we've been having I posted here : http://www.horseforum.com/horse-training/good-horse-bad-owners-re-training-85254/

I would really appreciate any ideas or suggestions :) Thank you and I'll keep this post up anytime I think to buy him on do something ridiculously out of my league.
 
#88 ·
i am 15years old, and just a year ago i found an off the track thoroughbred who did everything wrong. his canter was unbalanced, he cat leaped over every jump and had never come across flexing, bending, and going on the bit. Yes, he does buck, and had once bolted and reared.

truth is after a year he HAS improved; and i admit he was alot of horse, and sometimes he was alittle hard to handle; but my ego had gotten in the way, and i wouldnt quit, i wouldnt let him get the better of me.

since im only 15, I dont have enough money to get a trainer, or an instructor. I only have enough money to pay for agistment and mum pays for the rest, like feed and vet bills and my equipment. i had no idea what i was getting into, all i wanted was to ride, compete and most of all win! ha

'Joe' has improved, since I have had him, he has learned to frame, and ride on the bit, has competed in 4jumping competitons placing 2nd and 4th in two this year. He doesnt bolt anymore, and only reared when a lady at my the riding training squad(BEATS) put a standing martingale on him. He is a fat big thoroughbred now and has learned some manners, and now I feel like my riding has improved.

So sometimes if you have enough confidence you can keep the horse that is to much horse, all horses deserve a second chance. :)
 
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