"Playing the Hero" -- when to 'stick with it' & when to realize it's time to move on.

Great post! And you see it happening everywhere. Even with me!

I had lessons since I was 7 for 2 years then off and on later. Untill I got my first horse 4 years ago. She was a dominant,problem horse, that had many set backs. I bought her from my trainer. I took weekly lessons learning ground work, nat. Horsemanship, ect. Basicly "learning with the horse"
And really looking back on ALL that work now and what happend. My trainer just "pushed" the horse on me. I turned Gypsy down at least 4 times. I also REALLY wanted a horse and finally broke down after a couple lessons with her.My trainer never should of pushed Gypsy on me like that and should have listened to my no's. But since she wanted Gypsy out of her care...

It was at least a year until things started to work and click. After our fights on who was the lead/dominant mare. I wouldnt say I won the fight more as we came to the conclusion of working together and giving into each personality rather then fighting all about it. I accepted her and she accepted me. Thus, we became the best in our group lessons.
3 years after, I started to HATE my trainer. And re-think how I was training and being taught. I hated the fact that I had to install fear into getting my horse to accept my leadership and do what she was told. Like "move out on the circle OR you will get smacked in the shoulder!" Why!? Do I have to hit my horse like that? Yes, it worked out she went on the circle. We learned ground work,ect. But she wasnt a kicking, rearing, lunging at me kind of horse where that kind of force was needed "out of my space or im going to smack you"

Once I started looking outside the box (My trainers world) I found a lot of info on liberty training and clicker training. Once I started using those methods Gypsy and I bonded like never before! It was amazing. I mean really we didnt have a bond of friendship more of just partnership. Now she sees me as the lead mare and is willing to do what I ask of her, there is no more need for force/hitting.
I guess what my point is in working with horses. If a method isnt working toss it out,move on to the next thing..maybe that next step/method will be the one your horse needs. Like said before education,training,lessons! Its easier going through life as a student and allowing yourself to learn more and new things then letting your ego get in your way. It will only hold you back...

I most def. Agree that there is a time to get out when you can't handle a horse. I think if I would of sold gypsy and gotten an easier mount. I wouldnt of learned as much as I did and also I wouldnt of looked for that other alternative in Liberty training (which is becoming my passion in horses). If Gypsy was ever up for sale you'd know I was dead! IMO Gypsy and I kinda had that fairy tale ending, it wasnt pretty getting there but the end result is fantastic.

JDI,
What a great post!
I am sure there are many people out there in this situation. Many of various ages and experience levels.
It takes a lot of courgae to admit when your in over your head.
Like many others said here....I was once the girl who would hop on just about anything. In some cases I was told mis-information on purpose and then found myself in "sticky" situations.

As many of you already know I had not ridden in years and when I decided to get a second horse, and a youngster at that. She went right into the hands of more qualified persons.

The points made about what should take place before the purchase or acceptance of a "free" horse into one's like are very good things to be brought up. Even in this thread. I say this because it is a piece of information for the person who is in this "stuck" situation to take and make a written note of.

This is a very very common situation I have seen all to many times over the years.
It is happening with a few people in my barn at the moment. Lets just say I feel it is a danger not only to ones self to continue but also for the welfare of the horse and others who may be around.

Once a person is willing to admit they are in over their head and accept this fact ~ then and only then can the next step in the right direction come about.

So if your truly finding yourself in this situation....find a knowledgable person to help you in the process of finding your next horse. By doing this you will spare yourself and another horse of the same destiny...

JDI this is a wonderful post. It seems you have put a lot of thought into it and the way it is presented is absouletly wonderful....so open and non judgemental Great job girl..way to go!

I know we all fall in love with our horses and pets of many kinds, but we really do want for the experience to be enjoyable for us both.

Halfpass

I think that a motivational point these days is that people are afraid if they give up on the horse then they will definitely go to slaughter. And while this is a harsh reality, like someone posted above some just don't have a purpose. If the useless, dangerous, crazy animals are not kept then there would be more good homes for those horses that are sane, sound, willing and happy to have a job. It's a harsh reality but it seems to me that more crazy and dangerous horses have forever homes than the mediocre, safe, sane ones. It's a skewed system.

^^I wish people didnt abuse that system. Of either sending them to the slaughter houses or just shooting them in the back yard. I've seen a lot of good horses shot that could of had potential and the owner just didnt want to take the time in posting it for sale. I've also seen a few horses that went to the auction for good reason. But then that dangerous horse might of been picked up at the auction by a rescue/buyer not knowing the history ect. Thinking they are going to save this horse, train it then find it a forever home.
I think if people had just sent the 'bad' ones to slaughter houses, auction sale type things and tried to list the 'good' horses. The rescues would have stayed out of the slaughter yards idk I could be wrong about that tho.

I know more than one guy that used to prowl the horse feedlots looking for horses that were useable. When the prices were good I think there were far less useable horses going to slaughter. Now that slaughter prices are in the toilet and it's so hard to sell a good horse there are many more good gentle horses being killed in one way or another. The entire time the debate to close processing plants was going on very educated and knowledgeable people were warning of the unintended consequences of banning horse slaughter. Now we are reaping those consequences and everyone is suffering particularly the horses.

I know that for one I'm am in this boat. I bought my rising 2yo under the instruction of my old trainer. I was stupid but I was told that I WOULD LEARN AS I GO. I was a competent rider on broke horses, and I could deal with young horses. I think that Ricky could have potentially worked out if I worked with my trainer more. Maybe. I did struggle, I did persevere with him. Not so much for the sake of my ego, more for the sake of my horse. He was and still is a pretty quiet horse, however I have realised in the past month that I am not ready to train a young horse on my own.

I know that some of my threads may have prompted this topic, and I think that in itself is a good thing. I know I am not the first to do this and I certainly won't be the last but by educating people it might not happen as often. I love my boy, and part of loving him is knowing when to pass him onto to another more experienced person.

EXCELLENT post Kevin. Whole heartedly agree! I've been to several feedlot/auctions in the past and have taken some good ones home. Quite honestly, while yes you saw your rare diamond in the rough there usually weren't many good ones there. Now with this ban on slaughter people are having a tough time getting rid of any horses, good or bad, and the good ones are suffering.

Great post. I couldn't agree more.
I have no doubt that if I hadn't met my instructor when I did, I wouldn't have Victor today. I think the only thing that made me keep him was my fear of him ending up in a bad place. Not many people would want a horse like that. I was an inch away from giving up and selling him, but she turned him into a different horse. He's unrecognizable from what he started out as. He went from a mean-tempered, unfriendly, unpredictable SOB to a normal, enjoyable riding companion. I now realize how incredibly lucky I was to happen across a good trainer. A good coach/instructor/trainer is a godsend. They make all the difference.

This applies to more than a few forum members. I hope they all get a chance to read it and let it soak in.

There's nothing worse to read about someone's difficulties with a horse, see people give them advice to move on to a better horse, see the owner claim I can't sell my soul mate, have that person get hurt by said horse and come back here to get sympathy.

I for one agree. Yes, I have a lot of difficulties with Ricky and yerr, I do come to this forum sometimes for help. However, I've realised that no horse is worth getting youself hurt for.
If you love something, let it go. No matter how much it hurts, there will always be a silver lining.