Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: in the rainy state
• Horses: 0
Progress and set backs
so earlier this year i posted about my jumping accident a few years ago looking for advise about my nightmares and fears. thank u for everyones responses, they helped so much. anyways i just thought i would post a progress report. figured it couldnt hurt anyways.
so for the last few months i have been working on my jumping with a very nice jumper gelding and mostly it has been going well. most days i am doing well. less panic, thinking through my jumps alot more. we are doing a lot of ground poles and eighteen inch to two foot jumps so nothing very challenging physically but very difficult for me mentally. i still have some rough days and anything that is smaller than 5 strides sends me into a panic but i am doing ok on the verticles. so all together i have some very visible progress made and that is very exciting to me!!
on the other hand i have had a few set backs. i still can't jump the oxers, brickwalls, anything with any width just sends me into a panic (we have some oxers and a brickwall set up all the time in the arena and sometimes we come off a jump and they are in front of me and i completly shut down) even lining up with no intention of taking the jumps just freezes my brain and its very frustrating.
and then today i was helping a friend at an event and she asked me to walk her show jumping course with her. so i walked the course and we made it through the first three jumps with no problem, and then the fourth jump was in fron of us and i freaked!! completely lost it!! one minute i am focusing on striding between jump three and four and the next i am standing in front of this oxer and a freeze. in the middle of the arena!! i go cold all over and get dizzy and sick to my stomach, hyperventilating and started crying. in my head i was right back in that arena (where i had my accident) with my mare lying on the ground and a ringing in my ears. i had to sit down right in the jump course and put my head between my legs, it was a full on panic attack!! today was a very bad day, and what i realized after i calmed down, was that today was the first time since my accident that i hav$e walked a course. i guess that is just one more thing to add to the list of issues with my brain.