rider confidence issues and very green pony! Can I really do this?!

So massive thanks to everyone who helped already this week! Seriously this is the last post on this issue as im doing my own head in a bit now, Like get a grip samantha get on and get serious. That's what it comes down to.
When I made last weeks post "urgent help needed on newly broken" I really thought that when I woke up in the morning I would be ready to take it on. Get there tack up and just get on with it pushing through the nerves which usualy turn to anger once the pony misbehaved. However waking up and hardly being able to walk did nothing for my confidence and when my sis offered to ride I jumped on it!! Great so I tacked up for her and watched her ride and he was super nervous (which people have also helped and reassured with) he had issues when she went to dismount which I suppose is expected after I flew off him into the boards the last time I rode!! Obviously I was even less keen to jump on the next day and felt like we where really going backwards so I just lunged him and dealt with some new issues of REFUSING to enter the stable .
Last night and I was loads less stiff and ready to ride so tacked up -much better, in and out of stable hesitantly and now keeps stopping while leading, into areana and walked around in hand for a couple minutes then mounted and dismounted with out any issues but legs began to shake and as my sister had come along incase I didnt ride I let her ride. Anyway he rode like before all this happened and he has regained confidence im glad to report!! He now keeps stopping and wont go forward doubting respect??
This morning I was annoyed with myself and determined to get a grip I went and caught him- fine, leading he stopped so I hit him with end of lead rope and he walked much better, darted into the stable and tacked up much better than last couple of days. Rid ok I just stayed in walk keeping my nerves in check but he kept stopping and was hard to move forward?! He does understand the ques or at least I thought he did. Also when I start to kick harder I can feel his back coming up, carried a whip today and this helped for the first 5 mins.
My plan is to ride out with company tommorow as I feel he's getting bored and therfore going to act up. I just wanna keep him moving forward for another 5 days then hopefully the girl who broke him will be home and ill get her to work on him more for both our sakes.
I wish I could get over these nerves because I know I have the ability but for some reason I just can't push through them and I keep worrying that im teaching bad things rather than good. As soon as im through one issue another one rises. After getting him moving forward around the arena today I took him up the lane and back down to the stables when I dissmounted and remounted, walk forward dissmount waving legs etc remounted and dissmounted. (dissmounting was a little scary for him after the fall) Dead chuffed with progress I untacked and give him food and was on the phone and standing next to his back stroking him and for the first time in his life he threatened to KICK me!!! IM SHOCKED never knew this was in his nature. Im not nervous on the ground and I shouted at him and lifted my hands moving him away from food to back of stable. Then rubbed him all over before moving away and letting him carry on with food.
You all keep telling me to keep at it but I feel like as fast as im running im slipping further down hill!
Sorry about the LONG post but really im just after knowing whether im doing harm by keeping trying and if all these issues (as small as they are) are down to me or if this is expected with such a green pony. When he was being broken he was soo perfect none of this at all!!But that was only 5 rides and then I took over and he was "ok" for 4 rides until I spooked him. Im trying to be direct and firm and consistent when im with him but everyday a new "thing" . Do I stop and wait for help?!
Thanks
Any feed back welcomed no matter how blunt!

Had some similar issues with Ella's forward a few weeks ago. I used a thick rope with a leather popper at the end (horsemans string I think it's called) over her shoulders. Leg on, leg hard, tap with rope, slap with rope.

The trainer I work with finds youngsters less likely to pop in a pigroot then when using a whip and easier to carry then a crop!

Introduce him to this on the ground first if you decide to go with it. Can reboot gentle enough for the most sensitive horse and can shove stubborn ponies a good whack!
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It sounds like he is testing you to see if you are a worthy herd leader. This is a sign that he is considering you as a herd leader.. but you have to prove it to him. Refusing under saddle is the oldest trick in the book. Put him to work, make him walk, trot, do circles, figure eights, backing up, etc. He can feel you lack confidence so my advice is find some sort of riding instructor at LEAST to motivate you to work through this with him.

Come on girly, you've got it in you. I've done it and I was 10x more chicken than you are!

Next time he tries to kick you, make a HUGE deal out of it. Drive that horse so far away with a crop, throw a bucket at him, yell, chase him off. And then when he listens and moves away, grow quiet and neutral again. That is what a herd leader does. They tell the horse to move, make him regret trying something, and return to mellow mode afterwards.

Green horses are so hard on a person's confidence. Have you thought about asking your sister to be there while your working with your horse. When I'm on the ground I know exactly what I should be doing, but when in the saddle and I feel nervous it flies out the window With her on the ground keeping you reminded of the things you should be doing it might help. Do you have another horse that maybe your sister could ride while you follow? Monty Roberts has the joinup exercise which I use with my mare, I do it more to build my confidence to be her leader. My mare is sweet but she is very nervous and after I did that a few times she seems more relaxed in my presence.
Good luck I know it's hard, you can do it.

Thanks Skyseternalangel youve very kindly replied to all this crap!!
The kicking thing yeah we where in a stable so I think I did ok then I just reacted with instinct (like I said I've had many horses in the past ridden since 5 year old and never felt nerves like this before) I shouted and growled loud and put hands up and out and moved him. He moved to the back of stable and stood while I touched everywhere back legs bum face and neck. He didnt move and inch so I backed off. It felt right hope it was enough!
Your reply makes sense because im confident on the ground and mounting and dissmounting and he's doing all this great now, trouble is I know I can't baby him forever and when he stops I KNOW I should have sent him forward with a smack if he's refusing my leg but I just can't pull it out the bag, truthfuly Im scared of his reaction arrggg!! Im so fustrated with myself!! I can get him to move by strict voice comands and stearing left kick right kick, but to be honest this is nonsense on my part isnt it! If any of my others did this I would go to town on them. He's a sweet pony too why am I so afraid of his reaction?!

Oh yes, as chandra beautifully states "green horses are so hard on a person's confidence" the truth of the matter is you ARE able, you ARE NOT ruining the horse (no matter how crappy you feel at times) and you CAN do this!

So instead of a huge leg aid reaction, start with a small leg aid reaction, then let it grow as the horse chooses not to listen. Believe me.. I was scared of doing anything with my current horse (before he was mine, I just rode and eventually leased him) that when he threw a fit I'd sit there and do absolutely nothing and I'd be in a world of hurt, usually face full of sand on the ground.

When I began to correct him, we both benefited a LOT. I was happier, he felt safer, and we began to get somewhere. Even today I think I'm ruining my horse but he's incredible and I am not.. I'm helping him become better.

Get into that mentality. You, as herd leader, need to step up and give your horse someone to follow.. corrections included!

Not sure where to find one of the ropes described or weather I would follow through with it onboard, that's my issue I know how to use a whip properly im just not doing it when I should be on this boy. I will keep it in mind though!
Chandra1313 I would love my sister to come in the ring with me but the most she's prepared to do is sit in the car with a book, She will ride if I wont. She thinks its nonsense to walk next to him because I offered to do this when she rode the other day. My sister has been 15 yrs out of the saddle and doesnt know what nerves are. She thinks im ridiculous, I wish I had her attitude!

Do you know what I don't know why im on this forum right now, I know absolutly what I should be doing with him, I knew it today at the time and I will know it tommorow. I want all the glory and none of the pain and that's not an option with horses. The quicker I realise that Iam most probably going to fall many more times off this boy in the next few weeks and "get with the programme" the better.
Next post will be pics of him DONE!
Honestly ;)
I rid his mother and I will ride him right? We went to try her when I was 8 and I "clicked" for trot and she bolted down a huge barley field and stopped at the gate and I catupulted over into a field of donkeys! My dad however was already smitten and bought her for me!! Fantastic, im sure I wasnt that confident on her at first but I rode her all the same. We still have her!!

Whatever you do horse related, this forum is very handy and there are lots of lovely people on it to talk about horses with all day long :) That is why you're here

Well I don't think you're ridiculous!

Which rope? I'm confused about that.

As for a whip, it's like your hand if it was 6 ft long. You use it to back up your leg. If you squeeze with your leg and no response, next time squeeze and at the same time tap the horse with the whip behind your leg.

Or on the ground, if you hold it out to the side, that asks the horse to move forward (for lunging) and you can smack the ground with it to ask for more. And if your horse completely ignores you, you can even tap the horse on the rump with the whip end.

It doesn't hurt them, only gives them incentive to listen and move forward.

Prinnella talks of a rope with a lether end instead of a whip.
Believe me I used to be a dab hand with a whip, sort of had to be with some of the highly strung showjumpers we had. This is the point my sisters getting at with the ridiculous thing. I've done so much with horses all my life and none of them where easy plodders I should easily be able to take on this baby. And he really is a baby in his manerisms!! Before I was correcting him succesfully with the whip no quarms!! Its hard for me to take in that this fall has taken away all my confidence. Its took me nearly a week to get back on (apart from riding directly after the fall which I did in shock) and after getting back on Im too frightened to repremnad him now! Maybe Ill just get sick off his crap and to hell with it if he has a fit or not!!