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Well, theres an alternative. You can put your ma down instead! IM KIDDING!!! (put the phone down...I tried with mine...they wont do it! :P)
Seriously, you have an exterme case there. I've said it before, and I'll say it now...I'm NOT an eqine expert!! So take all of this with a grain..OK?
BUT...at my barn (not my horse, but nonethe less) we had a horse who was...."tempermental", if I may say....to the point the owner was going to have her put down. (another barn occupant called her Uber-mare!!)
The "meat truck" was going to pick her up on Friday...it's now Tuesday when I heard of this. Wed morning, I went out to work with her, expecting an easy task....LOL!! Not easy....but work able. I lunged her...she disobeyed...she bucked....she reared...even charged me. Heck, at one point, it crossed my mind "why bother!!". I'm glad I persisted.
Now I'm SURE I'm going to get flack for this....but here it goes. I attempeted (key word, there) to work with this horse...wasn't happening. So, I went down in the cow barn, and got (don't know what it's called, but it's a chain that goes over the back part of the nose - hooks onto the far side of the"halter", goes over the steers nose, and comes out the near side of the "halter") We'll call it the beef chain. After 10 minutes or so of struggling (10 min doesn't sound long....just ask my trampled toes how long that is!!) I got a halter and the beef chain on her. As soon as I got it on her and walked her into the yard (there's no round pen or arena here..) she decided to act up.
I took it upon myself, that no matter how "mean" I thought the beef chain was, nor how "stern" I thought I was, I decided that I was going to be boss of us two. Period.
She tried to bolt...well, the chain made short work of that. THEN she tried to run me down. Even though I am smaller than she is, I acted like I couldn't be pushed around. She charged me once (danged near ran me over, but I kept my ground ~~barely shhh~~ and within 15 minutes or so, she semi respected me. This was probably noonish, Wed. By 3pm, the owners showed up (unrelated reasons) and were astounded that I had her out...moreless she was semi listening to me.
The next day (Thurs) I spent most of the day with her. At first I caught her, got the halter on, and "beef chain", and started working with her...working, I mean remedial....walk...whoa....away...come, and that's about it. By noonish, she was doing so well, I though, "hey, lets try without the "beef chain". So I did....) Well, long story short, the owner came home later that eve (past 5pm). It was too late to cancel the "meat truck". But the owner was ASTOUNDED by what progress was made. Mind you, This horse wasn't oober calm now, it wasn't a spanish schooling expert or anything, but she was workable, calm, and respectable (I'll get to the details in a sec). The owner (with my begging) had decided to not have the horse put down.........but the "meat vultures" had already been called, an had an AM apointment to pick up this "problematic horse".
ANYways, Fri morning I got up early (and I can't stress early enough....early for me is noon!!). When they showed up, I was there and denied delivery. They said they had to charge either way...pickin up a horse or not. Long story made short, I (personally....remind me, the owner still owes me!!) paid the "wagon", even though they left horse less.
Longggggg story made short, the horse went on to be trained to ride on trails. Nothing special, but none the less, she's a good horse - kids even ride her now. She's respectful, obedient, and all the things NObody ever dreamed of.
Wheww....sorry so long winded. Moral of the story....i DID NOT work a miracle (trust me, Im NOT that good yet...wanna be, but I'm not..) Maybe it was fate. In the end, all I can say is that I asserted my dominence to this horse, showed her I (or any human, for that fact) am master, and shall be obeyed. Like I said, I'm sure I'm going to get flack about the "beef chain", but it was a tool I used to work with her. BTW, I never hit or threatened this horse (god knows, there were times it crossed my mind!! Not really, but there WAS frustartion!), but there was also alot of praise - for even the slightest right doing. When we started Wed. Morning, I thought numerous times that horse was going to own me (er whatever ya wanna call it), and by Fri, she respected me as a "handler" (I'll use THAT term loosely!) By Fri morning, she thought I was bigger than she was.
Cliff notes - spend time. Don't allow him/her to push you around. Period. Be assertive (NOT mean!). If this scenerio isn't possible, hire a trainer! I don't wanna hear "I can't afford it"...We'll take up a collection!!! What ever you do, s/he doesn't deserved to be put down.
For the record - in case anyone is wondering - if you look in one of my other threads in Horse Pictures I posted about me and Neslons first ride - she would be the Bay mare that's walking in front of me and Neslon....just an FYI.