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To those who read or followed my thread on sending horses to trainers...

2K views 15 replies 15 participants last post by  smrobs 
#1 ·
I hope enough people will see this. I'm pretty sure the thread is still fairly active but in case people read this later, here's the link:
http://www.horseforum.com/horse-training/how-do-you-feel-about-sending-156029/

I don't just want this to be one big complaint, but I'd like to offer a bit of explanation and hopefully curb a bit of misunderstanding. My first post was a huge mistake. I didn't realize when I wrote it how extremely derogatory it must have sounded to people who do send their horses to trainers. The replies were defensive but very informative. I talked it over with my mom and she was under the same impression that I was: that when people show and compete their horses, they're showing off what training the rider has done. We both grew up seeing horses as personal projects. So needless to say, I was completely shocked and felt like the biggest jerk of the century when I found out not everyone views their horses like that. It made me feel so stupid and gave me a whole new outlook on horses and how diverse the horse community is.

I would be lying if I said that I had always thought sending your horse to a trainer instead of learning to train it yourself is a good idea... and obviously that came across in my post.

We are all here for the same reason: because we love doing what we do and we want to do it better. We love horses, we're all in it for the love of horses in one aspect or another. The worst thing you can tell someone in this field is that all the hard work and time they've spent is pointless and insignificant-- that they are not worthy of their goal and they are stupid for thinking they could dream of such a thing. Even though that is everything I stand against, that is exactly what my post is saying. And people are responding back to me and others in the same manner.

So mostly, this is an apology to people who I insulted by my post. I never want to fight when asking for information, and no one should ever be insulted for sharing their opinions. I learned a lot more from the thread besides how different people view horses... I need to be careful how I ask about things. But also this is a kind of wake-up call to people who are following the thread (especially those arguing the whole "bonding" theory), people have beliefs and opinions, and when you say their opinion is garbage, it hurts. An opinion is exactly that: it's someone's opinion. And just like choosing whether you want to send your horse to a trainer or learn to train the horse yourself, you're experiences and perspective are going to shape what beliefs you have.

I hope that clears up a lot of confusion and will help explain the thread a little bit, since I know my later posts aren't read much. I can't change what I wrote, but I learned my lesson and I hope people who read it later will also learn what it was that I had originally started it for.
 
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#4 ·
It's nice of you to come back and explain yourself. I read the other post and didn't respond because people were already starting to fuss and I feel like a) you should be able to ask a question and not get put down and b) own an opinion and not be put down and c) express an answer to a question and not be put down.

I have done both, had a personal project at home and sent horses to the trainer. I enjoy doing both for different reasons.

My home project is all mine and progress is gratifying and makes me feel good that the horse and I are working together. Conversely, if there's no progress, that's doubly not gratifying if it's the home project horse. But still worthwhile and educational!

I now mostly send horses out, at least for starting. I'm going to be 56 in a couple of months and the ground is not nearly as soft as it used to be. So, I need a trainer now, and I like working with a trainer and being coached. Sometimes it makes the home project progress faster too.

And sometime, even if I want to send a horse out, I end up doing it myself. I have a mare who has been very resistant to accepting the bit. You can put it in her mouth, she'll pack it around for you all day long and never complain. The problem comes with you need to TOUCH her mouth, like WHOA or bending her? Yeah, then she lets you know that she not only doesn't like it, she has no intention of liking it. Since she's a big, strong mare, and very opinionated, I've sent her out to 2 trainers to have THEM ride out her temper tantrums. Both men have sent her home as "fixed". Their solution? Don't touch her mouth......ever. Are you kidding me? So, this summer, we will be bitting up, working in the bitting rig and I will ride out any tantrums. I know how, I can do it, but I preferred to let someone younger than me, who gets paid to do these things, handle the issue for me. Guess not. SO, there's my project horse for this year, LOL!
 
#5 ·
Good on you Laffee, a humbled attitude will get you further in this world, you have my respect.
We are all passionate about our horses and we all do what we feel is right. Sometimes ideas clash but being able to learn from it shows maturity and a willingness to grow and learn
Posted via Mobile Device
 
#7 ·
Just read the other thread and posted a response there (didn't see this one). OP, that was a nice well written apology and hopefully in future you'll take a more "please increase my understanding" approach rather than "this is the way I understand things and you are wrong" when you don't have enough data to work with. If you draw a line in the sand, especially on the internet don't be surprised if people leap right over it ;)
 
#10 ·
Thanks everyone for understanding. I really made a bigger mess of things than I thought I had. I was getting such good feedback from my advice, especially on my lunging video, I think in a way it made me a little cocky and self-absorbed... I pushed it a little too far and in a way, I deserve this backlash. I should never think I'm smart enough to give out information everywhere like I'm some sort of professional trainer, or to put my opinion out strongly like that like I know everything about it.

I'm leaving this forum, probably going to stay off of others too for a while, and probably put my training stick and boots in the closet for a long time. It's pretty clear to me now that I really am just playing at this, my reputation here has been ruined and I don't want to whine, but people deserve their information from someone who is properly certified and has experienced all that horses have to offer.
 
#13 ·
I'm leaving this forum, probably going to stay off of others too for a while, and probably put my training stick and boots in the closet for a long time. It's pretty clear to me now that I really am just playing at this, my reputation here has been ruined and I don't want to whine, but people deserve their information from someone who is properly certified and has experienced all that horses have to offer.

No need for that. I've opened my mouth and inserted my foot more times than I can count.
 
#11 ·
I don't think you should feel like you should leave the forum, or stop working with horses Laffee! Just because you made a mess of one thread does not mean anything, each new thread means a fresh new slate (especially if you have only put out one bad thread, everyone will). Instead of running away from here, take it as a learning opportunity! There is sooooooo much knowledge here! So many wonderful trainers/riders/horse owners and everyone/everything in between that you can soak up information from so you can grow as an equestrian and trainer! Use your one indiscretion to move forward and gain more tools for your toolbox!

And any information that you have and want to share is amazing and should be given! But now you can go at each new thread and discussion with an open mind. You don't have to agree with every little thing that someone has said or feels, but you can take away what you like and learn or just dismiss it with a polite nod. Even though I did not agree with everything you said in your other post, I did understand where some of it was coming from and I respect that :) Now that you have a more open mind and a clearer head I feel like you have learned and that is all that matters :)

So why don't you give this place (and yourself) another chance to learn, and make friends :) I know I will happily reach out the hand of friendship to you :)
 
#14 ·
There are only a real few members on HF who really ARE trainers. Most of us know a little about a little, but if I know just a little bit more than you (you generic), then it isnt' wrong or pompous of me to share what I learned from someone else , who was just one or more steps ahead of me.

IN cases where I offer advice that is just a good guess, or conjecture or what I hope is imaginitive brainstorming, I try to preface it as such. So don't feel the need to abstain from participating.
 
#15 ·
I have to admit I did think your initial post and some of your subsequent defences of it a bit immature and narrow-minded, but well done on apologising - takes a big person to admit that they have made a mistake. I hope that some of the answers to your questions have explained reasons why people send horses to trainers.

Myself, for example: I have been breaking in and starting youngsters, and retraining difficult horses since I was 15 years old - however, training my competition horses is something I want a trainer for. How can I successfully train a horse to a level I haven't ridden yet? Or, my current horse for example, I have retrained from racing into a nice riding horse with the basics of dressage and jumping. However, I want to event him, and he jumps like a chaser - retraining him to use his hocks and jump like a showjumper is not something I've ever done before, so I'm getting a trainer to help me teach him to adjust his strides and get a bit deeper into his fences. Doesn't mean I'm not good at retraining or that I should stop breaking youngstock, but I'm not an eventing trainer. Horses for courses!
 
#16 ·
I agree that you shouldn't feel the need to leave. All of us sometimes get to feeling a little big for our britches, as they say.

This forum is a wonderful resource for learning and sharing what you've learned. Everyone gets a reality check occasionally and I can think of more than a few times when I got one...or 3, myself LOL.
 
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